Sick of having to spell it out for him...

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I should be 31 weeks today. Should be getting uncomfortable in the heat and waddling around and getting everything ready. Instead, Feb 2 is gonna come around and I'll have nothing

A friend put up pics of herself and her belly and the baby's room - she's 12 weeks. I think that's what has set me off, she just looked so serene and HAPPY and I'm so unbelievably jealous. I mentioned to Professor that I want to buy something, even just one thing that's for our future baby and not for our nephews to use when they're at our house. I want to start buying our MCN stash, I want to look forward to fluffy mail and wash them and get them ready - he suggested buying a packet of dummies

Professor, please, I'm begging, turn off your Aspy tendencies for 10 minutes and accept that you won't understand this, but I need to do it. I'm tired of having to spell my feelings out, I'm tired of having to justify grieving for the babies I should already have. Can't you just for once fake understanding? I'm so sick of just giving up on the conversation because I don't have the words to explain. No, I don't know for sure if buying a couple of MCN's will make me feel better - but jeez, we're not poor, surely it's not that big of an issue?!

[Taurean]

That's so tough hon. I don't understand what you're going through but I definitely say go and buy yourself a few MCNs - ABSOLUTELY! Why not? I bought quite a few childrens books before we even started TTC and DH thought I was nuts. They weren't out on display for family or friends kids to play with, they were put away for 'our' children...when they decided to arrive on this earth.

I also bought all our nursery furniture and other bits and pieces straight after our 12 week scan. So many people thought I was nuts but I didn't listen, I enjoyed nesting.

You have every right to do a bit of nesting hon. I honesty think it will make you feel good. I'm also a big believer in the power of positive thinking so by bringing baby stuff into your lives is telling the universe you're ready. I also realise it's not that simple a lot of the time but hey, a bit of positive thinking can't hurt

PS: DH didn't really get excited or into the whole baby thing until we'd had our 12 week scan. They just don't understand how important babies are to a lot of us women not to mention how powerful the ticking of our biological clocks can be. Men really just don't get it a lot of the time

[~Trish~]

Big hugs lovely . It's so hard when your other half can't just go along with your feelings, even if they don't understand why you feel that way. Sometimes we just need our feelings acknowledged and a little sympathy shown. Men think so differently to us, especially those with Aspy tendancies .

Can you just buy something you want anyway? I think it's a wonderful idea if it helps you process your thoughts and feelings and gives you some hope for the future .

[luna moth]

I'll make you a MCN if you like. Super one of a kind.

[MummaSue]

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Thanks ladies - it's a relief to know I'm not completely insane

I don't HAVE to ask for permission to spend money, but I do like to run purchases past him. And now that he's basically said no, I wouldn't like to go around him y'know? I know I could have a meltdown and he'd let me do it, but I don't wanna do that, I want him to just go with it. I'll have to give it more thought and try and find a way to explain it to him so he understands...

Audax, I need to spread the luuuurve, but you're gorgeous, you really are I love your new tagline too

[~Hestia~]

[~Trish~]

Professor, please, I'm begging, turn off your Aspy tendencies for 10 minutes and accept that you won't understand this, but I need to do it. I'm tired of having to spell my feelings out, I'm tired of having to justify grieving for the babies I should already have. Can't you just for once fake understanding? I'm so sick of just giving up on the conversation because I don't have the words to explain. No, I don't know for sure if buying a couple of MCN's will make me feel better - but jeez, we're not poor, surely it's not that big of an issue?!

I keep thinking about what you said about faking understanding. I've recently stumbled across a blog by an aspy guy and he has written some great posts about bringing empathy to your relationship (advice for fellow aspies). Maybe your DH needs to read it? I think most men should TBH . If you want the link, let me know.

More hugs for you .

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Oh, that'd be great Trish, I'll PM you

[~Jayne~]

Oh darl............ My heart aches for you. Come Feb 2, you won't have NOTHING, you have yourself, your Professor & the love of all of us here. Plus the love of your Angel Baby.

Why don't you show him some of the things you would like to begin your MCN Basket with & just do the 'oh how cute are these, I'll definitely be getting these for our baby', & see if that leads to 'if you want it, it's yours baby'.??? Men are just not as maternally inclined & tuned in like we are. They see the baby as the end result, not all the 'things' that lead up to that end result - KWIM?

I'm so sorry he's not showing you the compassion & empathy that you need right now. Sometimes you just want to slap them!

Love Jayne x

[CinderToriella]

[mako]

Sending you a huge I too understand that feeling all too well and before our DS came into our lives I just had to go and buy something little for "our future baby" even if it was a little singlet or pair of booties or a little rattle or something. I found it to be a little theraputic especially around the times of EDD's and anniversaries. My DH didn't know about half of the things I'd bought but that wasn't cos I hid them from him it was just because he didn't understand how much it meant to me to be able to buy these little things at the time..It kinda made a bad day feel not so bad kwim?
I have also started doing the same again this time round...

[littlelara]

Hi,
I don't know if this will be any help, and it's a different situation, but when I was pg with dd a friend who was only a couple of weeks behind me miscarried. I got really fretful (I'd already had one mc) so I began to knit and I made a blanket - kind of an "if you build it they will come" type of thing. The knitting was almost therapeutic, and I had something tangible to focus on. It was nothing special but I was so proud of it. Still am.
I hope your wishes come true so soon x

[toomanyshoes]

[~mamaspice~]

s keike. I don't know what it's like to have an angel baby but I do know what it's like having a Dh with aspy tendancies. The lack of emotional support and empathy is a tough gig. Makes me feel so alone sometimes so I cant imagine what it must be like for you in this situation. s again. And I agree with the others, do what makes you feel better, whether that's stating your MCN stash or something else

(Trish I'd love a link to that blog too?)

[~Trish~]

Will PM you MamaSpice

[mollycat]

's for you. It's so hard knowing THAT date is coming up.

If you need to buy something, buy it. Mine was slightly different, I had my 2 boys (although it took over 3 years of TTC and fertility meds to get Ds2), I always knew I wasn't complete and kept a lot of their baby stuff for our future child. It took over 10 years for me to fall pg again then I m/c, then another 18mths before I fell pg with our now almost 1yo. A lot of people thought I was crazy keeping that stuff, a lot of it was brand new with tags on, stuff I'd liked and bought and put away hoping that one day I would get to use it. The one thing that really hurts is my MIL made a knitted dress that she told me I could have if I ever had a girl, because it had taken so long to have another baby she sold it. She's never said anything directly to me, but I did hear about it from a family member.

I'm sorry your DH can't support you in this, please remember you have a lot of friends here that are here for you.