I should be 31 weeks today. Should be getting uncomfortable in the heat and waddling around and getting everything ready. Instead, Feb 2 is gonna come around and I'll have nothing

A friend put up pics of herself and her belly and the baby's room - she's 12 weeks. I think that's what has set me off, she just looked so serene and HAPPY and I'm so unbelievably jealous. I mentioned to Professor that I want to buy something, even just one thing that's for our future baby and not for our nephews to use when they're at our house. I want to start buying our MCN stash, I want to look forward to fluffy mail and wash them and get them ready - he suggested buying a packet of dummies

Professor, please, I'm begging, turn off your Aspy tendencies for 10 minutes and accept that you won't understand this, but I need to do it. I'm tired of having to spell my feelings out, I'm tired of having to justify grieving for the babies I should already have. Can't you just for once fake understanding? I'm so sick of just giving up on the conversation because I don't have the words to explain. No, I don't know for sure if buying a couple of MCN's will make me feel better - but jeez, we're not poor, surely it's not that big of an issue?!