Coping with pregnant friends after a MC

[AliCat]

I lost my baby about 1.5 weeks ago, I was 8.5 weeks pregnant. I thought I was coping ok, I can now get to sleep without crying every night & I can look at my ultrasound pics & not burst in to tears.

Don't get me wrong I am still sad but I have a toddler to look after & she helps make me smile.

The reason I am writing this is that I wanted to get advice on coping with friends that are pregnant. I currently have 3 who are all due around April & I feel I am ok with that but I have just found out a friend is 6 weeks pregnant. I am very happy for her but at the same time am upset because I will see her throughout the pregnancy & she will be due only weeks after I would have been. I just feel like it will be a constant reminder of what I have lost. Its a horrible thing to say but I am a little jealous of her too because she'd only be trying a short time & we are going through IVF (does this make me a bad person?)

I think I am also overwhelmed at the moment too because I keep getting bills from when I had the D&C & thats not helping!

I don't want to avoid my friends, I want to join them in their excitement. Maybe it'll just take time...

[TTCALoveChild]

I know how your feeling.. its been 21 days since we lost our lil and i was 8 weeks also..
i have 2 friends that i see everyday that are pregnant and we all 3 got pregnant at the same time we all were at the same weeks when i lost our so its very diffcult in seeing them and being there thru theres and knowing i lost our baby..

hang in there cause we will get our chance at having a beautful ,healthy baby!!

that all goes well with you thru this tuff time of ours..
xoxo
anita

[~ Mylitta ~]

I also lost a baby just past 8 weeks and found it very hard to see other pregnant woman. At first I avoided the local (very large) shopping center because it always seems to be the focal point for pregnant woman and babies. After a while I started to wonder about these woman's journeys to have a baby. I wondered how many of them had also suffered losses before getting their babies. I wondered how many of them had gone through worse journeys than myself (maybe multiple losses, years and years of ttcing etc...). After I began to think about things like that I became less jealous of them, and more happy for them that they are getting their dream come true. I was then able to picture myself one day soon as one of those happy woman

I'm not sure if something like this will help you as well, but I hope you can find yourself in an emotional state that allows you to enjoy your friends' pregnancies.

Huge hugs to you

[Mrs McAwesome]

Hey hun,

I can sympathise with you. I have lost 9 little angels, and in that time i was always surrounded by pregnant friends often due within weeks of my original date as well. I would love to say I found it gets easier but i found i had to step back from them for a while. The really good friends understood and knew why i couldnt spend as much time with them while i grieved. I am now 20 weeks preg with our first little miracle baby and in this pregnancy 2 of these friends of mine have now had miscarriages. I try hard to give them the space they need and don't mention my pregnancy unless they bring it up.

Every person deals with their loss differently and you may feel more willing to spend time with your friends sooner than I did.

I

[kermit4]

AliCat,

So sorry for your loss of your wee one.

I can relate to what you are going through with you friends right now. One of my work colleagues is pregnant right now and her EDD is just 8 days after mine would have been. I see her growing bigger every day and see what I would be like had things been different. It's painful but it's also comforting in a weird way. I had never been pregnant before so watching her helps me visualise my wee boy growing and developing, it makes me feel more connected to him somehow. I know she is so worried about upsetting me but she can't change things for me. It's just nice that she acknowledges the situation.

On the flip side, my closest friend just bravely told me that she is nearly 11 weeks pregnant with her first child. I am trying my best to be thrilled for her but it has stirred up alot of emotions, (some of them a bit ugly, like extreme jealousy!)
When she told me I found myself swapping stories and experiences with her. It was painful but also a bit of a release. My friends and family had all been pretending like it never happened so here was a chance to talk about my little boy and my pregnancy. I had forgotten all the wild emotions my pregnancy brought me, all the joy, excitement, terror of pregnancy it'self. I had been focusing on the grief of a lost child and a lost future. Then I realised that my friend probably did not want to compare her experiences to mine, knowing how my story ended.
So the last week since I found out has been a whirlwind of emotions for me. I am feeling very raw again, just when I was starting to feel like I was moving forward but I guess that you have to take it step by step.

I'm planning on having a heart to heart with my friend soon so I can find a way to support her through her pregnancy but also share her joy and excitement without making her feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. I hope you find a way to cope with your friends pregnancies but take it easy on yourself. It's so soon since your wee one left you so you are bound to be feeling so raw right now. Take it slowly, I'm sure they will understand how hard it is for you.

hugs.

[AliCat]

thank you so much for your replies...it helps so much to be able to talk to people who understand.

I guess I just have to find the best way I can deal with their pregnancies. Only time will tell...