its 4.30am, i cant sleep!
Today i am meant to be 11 weeks, i was so excited about my 12 week scan next week.
Things havent been smooth sailing this past 11 weeks. Some spotting here and there but never anything much - not even making it to my pad. Ive had 2 scans both showing fetal poles at 6 and 9 weeks and numerous blood tests with high Hcg levels.
I had a pinky tinge on the toilet paper when i whiped yesterday at work - it got to me. I'd had enough! the stress was killing me. I work in a hospital so its pretty easy to get myself an ultrasound. I arranged it in 10mins and was on my way. I told work i'd be back soon, in the back of my mind i thought everything was going to be fine - every other time it has been!
The screen was up in front of me and there it was.......an empty black hole!
I dont know where its gone, where is my pain? where is the bleeding? where is my baby?
Im sorry, this is just alittle fresh for me.
My year was planned, im one of 4 of my girlfriends all due in the same month - how exciting was that....its over for me now.
I just dont know how to get back from this. what to do next?
Sezjar i am so so sorry to hear your news. I have no explanation either, maybe your doctor will? I really wish you all the best in love and support from your family and friends at this difficult time. You will now have a precious little angel watching over you xoxox Big HUGE hugs to you xoxoxo
I can't explain what has happened to your bubba. I would think by 9 weeks (when you had your last US and confirmed your bubba was where he/she was supposed to be) your bubba would be big enough that you would be aware of his/her passing. Maybe someone else could clarify? I don't think it is possible for you body to absorb your bubba, which means the baby is either still there or has passed.
Sezjar, not all US technicians are experienced in OB US. Are you confident that the tech you saw knew what they were looking for/at?
Perhaps you need to see your caregiver and request some bloods and another US with someone you are confident is experienced in OB US.
I'm so sorry, Sezjar. My emoticons have all gone AWOL, but I am sending you a very big hug.
sezjar my deepest sympathys are with u right now.
the exact same thing happened to me in Nov. ur doctor will be able to clarify if bub has passed naturally or what.
i to was expecting bub the same month as a friend who is due in 5 weeks. i no everything seems bleek and depressing now bt sometimes these things just arent meant to be and thats bubs way of telling u. it does get easier over time. just be kind to urself. one day this bubbys lil brother or sister is going to come into ur life and make u soooo happy. the loss or a child, no matter how far along u were, gets any less sadder or significant. give urself sometime to grieve. make sure u talk to someone as well. dont take this all on urself. if u need to talk im here.
Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. I had a D & C on Wednesday, now im just trying to start my life again, i just feel so sad. I want AF to come so i can start again but im already feeling negative. Anyone who has had a D&C, how long did it take for AF to come?
Sezjar AF never returned after my D&C (I had a blighted ovum at 11 weeks). It never returned because I found out I got pregnant striaght afterwards (I am now 21 weeks). So miracles can happen
In fact, Raffy and I were belly buddies last time and are again this time....
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