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Thread: WHY???

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    Default WHY???

    I think that yesterday has to go down as one of the worst of my life!
    Thinking that i was 11 1/2 weeks along, it was time to have our first u/s, i was nervous as i had this inner feeling that something maybe wrong but i thought no everything will be fine its just my mind thinking the worst.

    i layed down ready for the u/s and watched the screen holding dh's hand, i knew without the lady telling me that something was wrong as all i could see was a black hole and no baby, i struggled not to cry but when the lady said that it didn't look good the need to cry became even stronger, she said to go and empty my bladder and she would do any internal one just incase she could not pick it up with the normal ultra sound, by then im in the bathroom sobbing my heart out, and just wanted to go home.
    still there was no baby with the internal, i then had to go see my ob, who suggested a d&c which i had done a 7.30 this morning, i fell totally numb and i just can't believe this has happened, im afraid now to try again jsu incase the same thing happens, my ob said that the baby didn't really even form in the first place but the sack kept growing, if i had an u/s earlier i may not have gone through 5 weeks of thinking im pregnant when i really wasn't.

    i need to vent my feelings as this really is the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with, so thankyou for listening.


  2. #2

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    Oh Michelle - I'm so sorry that you went through this too.
    Isn't it an awful feeling to lie there and let them use that machine to tell you the baby is gone.

    I'm sending you big hugs,

    Fi

  3. #3

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    Michelle - I`m so sorry to hear of your loss. Hugs to you.

  4. #4

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    Oh Michelle, I am so sorry for you loss, I cant begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling right now.

    ((((HUGS))))

  5. #5

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    Hi Michelle

    You must feel positively awful. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Many people who have gone through what you're going through do go on to have healthy babies, and I hope this happens for you soon.

    All the best and I hope things look better for you soon.

  6. #6
    Tigergirl1980 Guest

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    So, so sorry to hear of your loss Michelle. Such an incredible heartbreaking experience after being so excited about something that is supposed to bring you much joy. Do take care, huge to you.

  7. #7

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    Hi Michelle

    Just wanted to say Im so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine what you are going through.

  8. #8

    Default

    Aww Michelle, I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending you a HUGE {{hug}} When I read your post it reminded me of my first m/c and how we found out the same way. Please know that just because you have had one m/c does not necessarily mean you will have another one. I know how hard it is to think this atm and how scary it is to think about TTCing again.

    Please take care of yurself and know we are all here for you whenever you want to chat.

    Love Kazz
    xoxox

  9. #9

    Join Date
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    Michelle
    I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the awful emotional and physical pain you are feeling.Be gentle with yourselves, grieve and cry as much as you need to.

    My heart goes out to you on this sad ocassion .I know there is NOTHING I could possible say to ease your pain.

    I know the feeling of lying there and experiencing devastating news at ultrasound. Yes it is the hardest thing you may deal with and I hope you have lots of support.

    with hope
    Trish

  10. #10
    Lee-Ann Guest

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    Michelle

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, I can imagine how devastated you must feel. It's going to be difficult time, but take care & be kind to yourselves.

  11. #11

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    Michelle,
    I am so, so sorry for your loss. Reading your post almost brought me to tears as your words could have been my own. I had a similar episode just over 2 weeks ago. Nothing can describe the shock,pain and heartbreak of finding out like that when it is supposed to be such a happy event seeing your baby for the first time. Mine was in there but just still and floating with no heartbeat . I would agree that it was probably the worst day of my life -even though i had had a prior m/c (was not as far along and not quite so traumatic finding out). I wish I could tell you something to ease your suffering but sadly there is nothing that anyone can say or do other than to be there for you. We sought some councelling which has helped both my DH and I, as has finding this forum -even if it to just vent all your feelings and realise you are not alone. I am told with time there will come hope for the future - I will admit to have not quite found that yet myself but I do know that i will try again. That desperation to have children really does overcome most barriers.
    Please take care of yourself and take time out from daily life if you need.
    Let us know how you are doing.

  12. #12

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    Michelle,
    Thinking of you
    Take care of your heart
    Bec

  13. #13
    Melinda Guest

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    Oh Michelle. I am so incredibly sorry to hear your news.

    It sounds a lot like my first m/c also - like Meredith, our baby was there, but it was like suspended animation - little arms and legs, but no movement, and no heartbeat. To say that it broke my heart does not do justice to how I actually felt - there really are no words to describe what this does to you.

    I wish I could answer your question as to "why?" but I can't - I still ask myself the same question and since I never find answers, I usually end up blaming myself. But I have to pick myself up and remind myself that it's not my fault and that I didn't do anything wrong - and neither did you. This isn't your fault.

    And take it from me, you can go on to have a healthy baby after such a devastating loss - I did. I won't lie to you, it was a very stressful PG. The innocence and joy of PG had been ripped away and I don't think I really believed it was happening until my son was actually born. But please believe in your ability to do this, ok?

    I know nothing I can say can heal the pain and hurt you are feeling right now, but rest assured you are surrounded by people who can understand and appreciate those feelings and the depths of despair that you feel you are in right now. So please chat to us - and we'll help you through.

  14. #14

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    Oh Michelle, again, I am so very sorry for your loss......

  15. #15

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    Michelle, i am so very sorry to hear of your loss.

    Take care of yourself sweetie.

  16. #16

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
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    Michelle, all I can say is I know exactly what your going through because I went through the same thing on Monday (my post is "lost my little one" if you want to know what happened to me), so I can feel your pain, it too is raw for me and as each day passes I have my moments.

    But all I can say is that the girls here have been so wonderful to me in supporting me whilst I went through the motions of the m/c.

    I am thinking of you and hope will all my soul that your heart too will heal as mine has begun too with the help of all these wonderful women here.

  17. #17
    lucysmummie Guest

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    Oh michelle...my 2pm TTC buddie and then august friend.... I cant imagine what u r goin through but the tears in my heart do tell how much Iam sorry for u...

  18. #18

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    Mar 2004
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    I am so sorry this has happened to you, I do not have personal experience of m/c but reading your post I felt your pain. Take care.

    Bon

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