I am sitting here and I don't know what to say. I feel so sad and so lost that my little boy isn't here. I wish more than anything that he was here today and that we had spent the day together, instead of so far apart. The tears won't come, even though they need to, my head and heart hurt.
The balloon release went well, although, just as we let them go it started to rain. Tears straight from heaven.

A year ago I said goodbye to William, held in my arms, thanked him for being so strong and holding on for as long as he did. I did not hold him as he took his last breath, I gave that to David, his one and only son, never to grow up, never to see what a wonderful Dad he has.

I will never understand why, I will always wonder if I could have done something differently. Why was he taken away from me, why after it took so long to conceive him, let him grow inside me for 40 weeks, be given that hope that everything would be okay, why did he have to go?

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the kind thoughts anfd wishes. I want you to know that I let a balloon go for all of you who have lost your precious babies and know the pain that I am experiencing.

Here is a poem I wrote for William, not long after he died...

Beautiful boy,
you were sent to
mend my soul
and break my heart.

You were here to teach me
About how
beauty and cruelty can coexist

Beautiful boy,
Life is so different now,
Seeing that fulfillment
and poverty are one and the same

You were here for a whisper in time
and managed to teach me
more than I could ever
hope to have taught you

Beautiful boy
Such expectations
already met by your death

You were here
to mend my soul
break my heart
bend my spirit
and help me
to live again.