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Thread: Do you trust

  1. #1

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    Default Do you trust

    Firstly are nannies expensive?

    And secondly do you feel that sure of yourself that you are willing to trust a total stranger with your babies?

    I was talking about nannies this morning with my hubbie while my mil was here and she works in the professional field herself, she is a councellor and teacher for writing, and she looked at me horrified and said -

    "Is working that important to you that you could think of dumping your kids off on a total stanger"!!!

    Then before I answered she proceeded to tell me how she did this to her own kids, which I knew about, as she was a very ambitious women and her work came before her own family, so she tells me how she regrets it now the kids are grown and they still bring it back on her how she was never there for them. My hubbie hates her for that and so does his sister.

    I wasnt even thinking about doing it to my own children, I was only discussing plans for when I start attending births when I start working as Doula, which could be anytime now I am studying. It was just a passing thought.

    I need to make some back up plans as hubbie wont be working from home till next year.


    What do you think about Nannies?




    Does it worry yu with how much terrible things happen to children nowadays by nannies as any tom, dee or harry can be a nanny now. Would you be too scared to risk it even though the agency recommended them, would you put your kids lives at stake and be trusting?


    I just dont know, its a HUGE thing to think about.

  2. #2

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    Soul, you are really the only one who can decide what is right for you. Personally my boys go to day care 2 days a week and I totally trust the carers there. I have taken the time to get to know them, and I think they are all wonderful. One has even babysat here for us once. I also have a friend who has a nanny come to her home while she is at work. She totally trusts the nanny and the arrangement is working really well for them.

    I think it is a very personal thing to trust your kids to anyone. But sadly you hear that most often abuse comes from a family member, so even asking relative to sit is no guarantee. I think if you go through an agency and meet the person and are happy with them, then you are unlikely to have a problem with a nanny. I don't think they'd last long in that job or get good references if they weren't trustworthy. In your situation I would use a nanny if you would like to. And I don't always listen to my MIL either

  3. #3

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    I agree with Melanie - as long as you interview thoroughly and reference check then you will be fine. Also go with your gut, you seem like a very intuitive person! We will be looking at a Nanny next year when I start working - much cheaper for 3 kids.

  4. #4

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    It's harder to become a nanny now than it used to be - they have to pass background checks etc. Not that that is any gaurantee - just thought I'd mention it.
    If you hire a nanny you can reduce risk by spending time with her and the children before leaving him/her alone with them. Ask her why she/he likes being a nanny and what she/he likes about working with children and pay close attention to his/her answers.
    Also, without raising distrust in your children, try and make it clear to them that if anything bothers them about her that they should tell you. This doesn't mean always taking thier side if they're not allowed ice-cream for morning tea just letting them know that they're heard and you'll listen if any issues opo up.

  5. #5

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    Hm some good points here, and I think it would be ok for me because my first four children are all old enugh to have no fear to tell me anything kwim. I eman my son is turning 17 so he wont be needing one and my daughters are 15 and turning 11, so they are all old enough to say something, the girls that is, son wont be here. I dont think I would do it if I only had two or three young young chiuldren.

  6. #6

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    I myself have been a nanny for 5+ years (now working in long daycare with local gov) and was cared for by a child minder in her own home when I was young.

    I feel very hurt when I first read negative things regarding nannies, esp. in the press. And more often is the case it is when young girls are hired with no qualification!!!!This drives me mad, people want the best for their children but they wont pay accordingly and hire inexperienced ladies who at times cause more trouble than its worth and i put that fault onto the parents for hiring then. This may sound harsh but i am always coming across people who only get their ford car serviced at Ford!!!But don’t hire professional childcare workers to care and EDUCATE their children. (I see this as a huge part of a nannies role, teaching the children everyday life situations, going to the shops, library, waiting in a queue all these things, not cleaning your house, you hire a cleaner for that!!!.

    In Australia they have a long way to come with nannies and nanny networks (that is why I no longer do it). in the UK many families are now hiring au pairs - these are also no nannies and am sure it is or should be illegal to leave your children in their care, and why would you an au pair is someone learning your language!!!

    If you vet the applicant well first and see what qualification they have and (I know we all hate this question) where they see themselves in 5 years……….also check out what experience they have and references. Police checks, working with children checks, first aid the list could go on.

    Discuss what you would like a nanny to do, will they be able to use you car, do you even want them leaving the house?

    A list of duties I would perform include
    Keeping the children’s rooms clean and tidy, launder the children’s clothes, not while the children were there as my duty of care was to be with them, so I did this when they were either sleeping or at kinder, friends for a play
    I would take the children to appointments, get them vaccinated, drop off and pick up from school/kinder/childcare.
    Make breakfast, lunch and dinner for the children only, bath the children. Take them to swimming, zoo aquarium, places of interest, they would come shopping for me and I had a nanny account. I would organize a cleaner and pay them through my boss. I even prepared a child I cared for 3 years for the entry exam for school (age 4!!!)

    I’m sue I could think of a few other things but they are the main things.

    When you interview you will need to go through all these things…………..i went for an interview once and asked the lady if she minded me taking her child on public transport as I had just finished a nanny job where I had my own car and at first she said yes, then as the interview progressed she said no, she offered me the job but I turned it down due to feeling like she wanted me to be locked in the house the whole time, so remember to be honest as you will keep your nanny longer.

    A professional nanny can help with behavior challenges and this has been my greatest achievement with two families I have worked with – we can have a wealth of knowledge about who you can get help thorough. One family I was working with for 10 weeks, (two days only) before I moved to Aus. The mother was a SAHM who had two boys who were out of control and was pg with number 3. I showed her how to take back control and have fun with her children again, after the first week I was then employed full time and she cried when I left. 3 months later…………………….she had another boy!

    GL and im always here if you need to ask anything

  7. #7

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    I have a nanny one night a week for 3 hours after school until i get home from work. Up until now, she'd pick DD up, get her organised for dancing, take her to dancing, pick her up, do something fun then bring her home and get her ready for dinner. Now dancing has finished for the year they'll just do whatever.

    I love her and DD loves her and she is fantastic. I was lucky cause i got onto her though a girl at work that has known her for years and it turns out she also worked at the gym creche where my nephew goes so she was well know to my sis aswell. That made it easier to trust her wit DD

  8. #8

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    I think for me, the idea of a nanny coming into my home is a little bit scarey. No offence to all the wonderful nannies out there..i just feel for me..i would rather use a daycare and know that there is some accountability to other adults, whereas for children, there really is none. I am not a big fan of childcare until toddlers are verbal...Sammy goes next year for 2 days a week until my prac of 15 weeks in July where he has to go full time, but I feel confident in the centre that we have chosen and know that he can verbally tell us if anything is wrong. The fact that there are several carers is reassuring rather than just one on their own....its such a tough decision with our precious angels.

    Jo

  9. #9

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    loula oh my lordy can anyone say 'Second Mother"!!! You sound like a mother to these children,and they are missing out on all of that with there own mother that is so sad to me! I will never understand why women have children to just have them raised by someone else, my sister included, her kids actually cry on the weekend when the nanny goes home cause they would rather be with her, that is terrible, I wuld die if my kids ever felt this way about me. YOu are such a giving person, you should be so proud of who you are.

    I want my children to see my face when they first wake up in the morning and I want my kids to see my face all through the day and last thing at night, I am so sad to think when I become a Doula I might have to leave Pheeny. BUT it will not be daily, and we do need time out form each other, its god for both of uis on a small ocasions!! But I do need a back up plan! Hence al the questio9ns about nannies. Mind you hubbie pointed out tonight that by the time I actually get calls it will be after chrissy as I know it will take that long to studya nd complete course, so he will be a year old and hubbie will be working form home by then, so he said I leave him with him, but still need a seond and thrid back up plan, yep I am very careful when taking working seriously


    JO so know what you are saying!

  10. #10

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    Personally, as someone who was looked after by a variety of people other than my mother when I was growing up (paid and extended family) I don't think that having a nanny nessescarily interferes with the mother/child bond. It's possible to be sad that the nanny/career is going home whilst simultaneously loving your mother very much. As humans we're capable of loving many other people so I don't see affection for a nanny as an indication of lack of affection for Mum. In fact it could be evidence of a loving mother selecting the best possible care for her children while she is unable to provide it.

  11. #11

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    I didnt say they would love less or not have any affection for thier mother dear, I said its sad they are getting all this attention of someone other than their mother on a daily basis. I think any child would "Prefere" to be with thier mother daily, any child who didnt would have good reason in my eyes. Of course except when they are at a age they understand it all and why mum cant be there, I am talking toddlers and younger. My sister admitts liking work more than being a mummy so I have reason to say that about her. She only had children to keep her man happy, not the way to do it in my eyes, and therefore uses a nanny to escape her duties to her own babies, more money than sense my mother says!

    I think nannies are wonderful, otherwise I would not be raising the questions in the first place. But I aslo think if a mother is going to hire a nanny to be there 24/7 then why have the kids just to miss out on them. That is my own opinion. I see nothing wrong with it every so often, but if someone else is to raise the child, then women should wait till they can be there for their children. Maybe that is why women are putting off having kids to a later age, hmmmmmmm now thats a thought!

  12. #12

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    i am a daycare person aswell and yes there are alot of scary stories out there but they never do any stories about how most kids become very attached to their carer and love being with them. and most of the time if u get a carer like me that has no children then most of the time they treat ur child like there own and would never do anythign to hurt them.
    Alot of the time to i find some parents get a big cranky because their child has more funy with their carer then the parents and they get a bit jealous. I am betting alot of things you have read in the papers and seen on the news rnt as bad as they r made out to be.
    in the end it is wat ever u feel comfy with. heheh u can always hide a camera in a teddy

  13. #13

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    sas I am sure my kids would be blabber mouths!! Don't forget I have a almost 17 and 15 years old so its not like they are babies all of them!Do nannies live with you?

  14. #14

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    I was a livein nanny for 2 years and live out also - i loved it, although i had the house to myself at weekends in the heart of London, and it was a huge house!!lol i could have friend stay over whenever i wanted and they often took me on holidays with them and one time paid for my now dh to come along too!! i flew to Aus first class and didnt even sit with the child as she was with mum, i just kept dad busy with the telly.lol

    I loved being a nanny in London but i had a family that i clicked with, although they didnt pay as well as some of the other families i got a lot more in other ways like the holidays andcar and gym ect. i also got some free time during the day. They always surported me in whatever i wanted to do - i was open with them and they could see that i cared and loved their daughter as if she was my own, (took a long time to get out of the habbit of calling at weekends if she had been ill on a friday!!!lol nannying in London is to the extream though - i worked 7 am til 7 pm with two nights babysitting(not weekends)

    I see the value of childcare and the values of nannies, lets face it some mothers struggle to be positive happy mothers all the time - it doesnt come natural to all of us, and it is then that i feel nannies are a good resorce to use, Some 'mothers' get burnt out easy and only want to spend good happy times with their children, gosh i was with the little girl from when she woke to when she went to be but when her mum was around that was the only person she wanted to be with. - i have recently heard that they are now living in Spain and the mum is ASAHM!!!never thought i would see that day.

  15. #15

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    I've just gone back to work in the last month or so and I have been very fortunate as I've been able to leave my little one with a friend from mothers group. She has a diploma in childcare, has been a director of a childcare centre and worked in the industry for over 11 years now. She has a little boy who is 3 weeks older then mine and I know my baby is in very good hands. She has even made a little book up for me and writes down everything for me down to when and how long he sleeps, how much of his bottle he had... its great because I dont have to wonder about him. It worked out as a great option as I wasnt too sure that I wanted to have a stranger in my home.

  16. #16

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    hehehe Mellybubz - that is so funny!!once a childcare worker always a childcare worker!!!

    even when i babysit for family i do the same!!!

  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by pitapata View Post
    In Australia they have a long way to come with nannies and nanny networks (that is why I no longer do it). in the UK many families are now hiring au pairs - these are also no nannies and am sure it is or should be illegal to leave your children in their care, and why would you an au pair is someone learning your language!!
    ok i would like to say i was an AU PAIR in america, i have my diploma and have worked in child care for 11 years and i find this to be insulting to me!!

    the other girls and guys(yes guys) that were au pairs from other countries were from child care backgrounds, some were kindergarten teachers!!! the UK maybe different but the au pairs in america are all mostly child care trained!! they all spoke better english than you and me put together!

    so what im saying is please find out some facts when you write these things!!
    Last edited by maddysmummy; February 10th, 2008 at 09:46 AM.

  18. #18

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    Having worked as a nanny and a child care worker I guess I do trust more than others it seems. I don't think the stats of children suffering abuse at the hands of a nanny would come close to the number that suffer it at the hands of a family member. Nannies should be police checked and are generally professional, child-orientated people who really do care for the children they work with.

    With regards to full time care: I personally don't want to place my children in full time care as this is my opportunity to parent my own children and I'm really excited about that... but I don't think many children in full time care suffer a break down in their parental bond- I've seen it time and time again that no matter how well I get along with a child their parents are always number one.

    I have no issue at all with part time care for my children though and I intend to use some occasional care as they grow older to offer both of us an opportunity to build personal relationships and independence.

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