Is this harsh?

[sneakysparkle]

Ok, firstly I think youre doing the right thing - putting your foot down and being firm that its time to TT

I have another idea - because he has never actually gone to the toilet, and doesn't respond to being asked if he needs to go - what about having an alarm (even the microwave timer?) that goes off every hour or so, and when it goes off its "toilet time!" and everyone goes to the toilet, whether anything comes out or not. You sit on the toilet for a minute (or something) and that way it becomes a familiar, normal thing - even if nothing happens.

But I think you need to keep it light too - how about blue food colouring in the toilet - and he has to make it turn green?!
Can you take him shopping so he can choose his own undies?

All the best darl

[nickle730]

Don't give up now!!! If you do, next time he won't believe that you're serious and he will wait you out again. Are you sure he's not taking a sneaky wee somewhere?? In the garden... or the wardrobe??!! He has gone a long time without a wee!

I think you're doing the right thing. Just stick with it. Maybe stop asking him whether he needs to go? If it is attention seeking behaviour (and maybe it's not!) he is getting plenty of attention for refusing to use the toilet. At four, I'm sure he knows where the loo is and when he should use it - even if he's refusing! I would be tempted to ignore the whole thing for a while and see what happens.

You're doing a great job!!

[Antheia]

No he definatly has not done a wee. He's been in the same room as me all day.

He doesn't seem to need to go right now. He's not crossing his legs or anything, just happily playing with DD.

I've tried bribing with chocolate, toys etc. I've tried saying his teddy needs to go to the toilet and if he wants to help teddy go, but no, he will not step foot into the bathroom until we phsyically move him there and then he just stands there, arms crossed, refusing to say or do anything.

[Junglemum]

You poor thing, what a stressful time, I don't have much advice except to say I wouldn't worry at all about the neighbors and the garden, if it's going to help him go without a nappy, I'd say the embarrassment is totally worth it.
Best of luck. Determination is a great quality to have, it will serve him well in the future.

[littlelara]

Could maybe get a potty and put it in the room where he is? I think fisher price has one that looks like a toilet and talks or plays music if you go? Not cheap, but if you're desperate....

[Trillian]

T, its really not a good idea to let him hold in a wee for too long because he could end up with a UTI. I had a bit of a google and found this information that might help you get a handle on this potty training refusal the thing is, you have a year to get him fully toilet trained before he starts school and you need to have him well and truly trained so that he is able to confidently go to school and not have any accidents etc.

[peanutter]

what about having an alarm (even the microwave timer?) that goes off every hour or so, and when it goes off its "toilet time!" and everyone goes to the toilet, whether anything comes out or not. You sit on the toilet for a minute (or something) and that way it becomes a familiar, normal thing - even if nothing happens.

But I think you need to keep it light too - how about blue food colouring in the toilet - and he has to make it turn green?!
Can you take him shopping so he can choose his own undies?

I think these ideas are fab

how's it going?

[rufalina]

I have no idea if this will help, but I saw a really great racing car potty at Target the other day. Lightening Macqueen. It had sounds and everything... Is your DS into Disney racing cars? It might be a bit small though... Think it was around the $50 mark... dunno........ Good luck hun.

[Antheia]

Grr this is not working!

He waited until his night nappy to do a wee. This isn't good.

Thanks Trillian for that article, it was really interesting. After reading it i can clearly see he has toilet avoidance. But i still have no idea how to overcome this. He's never sat on the toilet before and i have never forced him to. The worst ive done is walk him to the bathroom and encourage him to sit on it, which he just refuses. He won't answer me when i ask why he doesn't want to or if he is scared. I've tried explaining that it would be easier and cleaner (he hates being dirty) if he used the toilet but i don't think it's getting through at all. He seems to not want to listen at all.

[Ginger]

hi Antheia, my ds is 3 yo and i am having similar issues to you atm. i'm subscribing to get some help.
i hope things start to change for you soon

[beckoes]

wow, it sounds like your having a really hard time! he is definitely strong willed! im sure its been suggested, but could you get him to go outside, in the garden, im sure its not something you want to have as a permanent thing but at least he could 'go' somewhere and move it inside as he gets used to it!

i really hope you find that thing that will help him to TT....good luck, your doing the right thing, hugs

[~Lashes~]

hi, im currently going threw this with my 3 yo, i know as a kid a year is a big deal, but ive been trying for a long time on and off with him to, were finaly almost there now, thought id give you a few suggestions that have worked this last time with us.

he realy wants to go to kindy, have drilled into his head no kindy kids have nappys, they all go to the toilet.

he was to scared for a little bit, so i let him go wee in the bottom of the shower as he did mention about falling in, (also alot easier to clean then the floor!!) helped him to realise it was a good thing to not go in a nappy or his pants. (he now uses the shower if the toilet isnt free, but were getting there)

df found this cool invention at k-mart or target it is a bit of plastic on a suction cup, with a big black spot on the bottom, the spot is heat sensitive, so when pee hits it, a picture is revealed, df had to show him quiet a few times how it worked, and it has taken him a month to be able to "hit and reveal" the fpicture, but he done it the other day, on his own, and was very pleased!

we have a stool in the loo so he can stand on it and not have to be on tip-toes

i will not put a night nappy on him untill he is asleep. some mornings i take it off befor he wakes else it is like trying to catch a monkey to get it off.

i caught him peeing on a tree at the park today, was pleased he didnt go in his pants and congradulated him for that, but told him next time tell me and we will find a loo.
hope this helps, and good luck! your doing the right thing taking the "harsh" approch, just dont give up, and he WILL get the pic!!!

ETA: you will have trouble finding a potty big enough, his bum might fit on them, but the bowl will probably be to small for his wee or poo.

[lilima]

I have been thinking mire about this. I really think you should seek some professional help. He Is 4 and this should not be an issue. There is obviously more to it, e it anxiety or something else. You relly don't want to distress him further.

[Antheia]

Yes i think your right lilima. I was just mentioning it to DH this morning.

Do you think i should keep up with the only nappy at bed time routine until we get in to see someone? This morning he's not wearing a nappy and theres been no problem for him so far. Will see how we go.

[aussienic]

I would def see a Dr or a child health nurse to find out some stategies. It is a concern that he is holding his wee all day.. when he was wearing a nappy were they very wet all the time or just a little? He might not be a big wee er.. if you get what I mean there.

[Chocaholic]

Just a quick thought. Have you have had your DS sit on your lap while you were on the toilet? I know it sounds strange but my DS refused to try the toilet. One day he wanted to sit on my lap while I was going to the toilet. I said OK. He told me it wasn't really scary. I said nope, not scary at all. He looked thoughtful, hopped off my lap and wandered out. About 20 minutes later, he said he needed to do a wee. I said did he want to try the toilet and he said OK but you have to be there mummy. It seemed to work for him.

It also helped that at daycare they made all the kids sit on the toilet once an hour. If they didn't go then fine but if they did, they got to watch the carers do the happy dance .

I would definitely go to the GP and get some help if nothing happens today.

Good luck

[*Efjay*]

Oh you have got a stubborn little man on your hands!
I would go out with im to the shops & buy some pull ups. Just 1 packet & say ok, these are your special undies for day time. These will catch any accidents but they really are NOT a nappy. While you are at the shops find a potty. I got one from Target that has a seat that can be used on the big toilet but also as a potty itself & then later just as a step, so it has a lid & all. I got this when Isla was TT as she didn't like the potty I had or the toilet. Let him pick one out & explain to him that the special undies (pull ups) are only for this week, once they run out thats that, its time for big boy undies, let him pick some out too. Explain that if he can pull his special undies down & use the potty, then the special undies will last longer, but if he wee's in them you have to chuck them out & he will need to use his big boy undies sooner. KWIM? Try & get him to realise that its ok to use the pull ups BUT they will last longer if you don't we in them. He may feel safer with the pull ups.

Once you find a potty that will work, place it outside of the bathroom, I have ours about a meter from the door. Iain will use the potty for poos but I have to remind/take him for wee.

Good luck, stick with it & seek some help from someone if he continues to hold on. But I wouldn't be putting him back into nappies at day time. Now you have started you need to stick it out. I would only offer the pull ups in the form of one packet & once they run out its big boy undies.

[Antheia]

Err he already wears pull ups.. He doesnt tell me when he needs to wee but tells me when his nappy is full. I looked for a potty but the only one they had was way too small for him. He's quite tall, nearly as tall as Lily so i dont think a potty would work. We bought a TT seat that goes ontop of the toilet but he won't try that either. He picked out some lightening mcqueen undies but he refuses to wear them too.