DS was fine with wees as soon as he trained himself, but poos took about 7-8 months (he had just turned 4 when he "got" it). Sadly he doesn't recall his motivation (I did ask). But it was just time and making him clear up his underpants himself. Because poo goes... "in the loo!" DS was happy to be in a nappy until he saw his bestie using our loo (had seen him on the loo at nursery before) - he was flat-out refusing to use the loo/potty up til then, even when running around outside nude or sitting in front of the TV for up to 4 hours at a time (he was begging for a nappy at that point!).
DH tried the shaming method with both DS and me (as in, I'm a bad mother because our 4-year-old isn't perfect on the loo), which wasn't appreciated.
I totally understand - I have mega frustrations with TT. I think the key is for us to not make such a big deal out of it and try not to get wound up. She will get it - it's just a difficult social situation for parents, really!
I took DD (who is 5) to the GP last week because she has recently started wetting a bit during the day. She has never been dry at night. The doc was not concerned about nighttimes - apparently about 10% of 5yos still wet the bed. Day time stuff, well, just loads of reassurance. It's so hard not to get cranky but that only makes things worse and we just need to keep incredibly positive about their toileting 'achievements' and completely neutral when they don't manage it.
GL!
Did your DH seriously think shaming would work for either of you?!
My nephew is doing this at the moment, he'll be 4 in November. Wees are awesome, he doesn't even tell us he's going, he just takes himself off to the toilet. He doesn't seem to understand toilet paper though - he takes off 3 squares and either wipes his nose or just throws it in the toilet
Poos on the other hand. Awful. I've tried constantly asking him if he needs to go; he always says no, and generally goes about 5 minutes after I've asked. I've tried bribing him to sit on the toilet for up to 45 minutes at a time; he poos within 5 minutes of getting off. He doesn't seem to recognise that he needs to go, and if by chance he's in the toilet when he starts going, he will have a complete autistic meltdown if you try and force him onto the toilet to minimise the damage. And he has a meltdown the second he finishes anyway, because he hates the feeling of it in his pants or nappy.
I'm stuck as well. If it were up to me, I'd keep him in nappies for a while longer - I hate the meltdowns he has, they're seriously traumatic for both of us. Unfortunately his parents don't agree.
I think its a timing thing, they have to be ready.
Bella wasnt ready when we first tried, but on the second go it only took 2 weeks and she never looked back! She is fully day trained and we are now working on the night time training.
I just took Bella to the loo every 30 -45 mins when we first started and half the time it was fluke that she would wee or poo. But they pick it up very easily and now she will not even let me b in the loo with her anymore!
It will happen, I know it may not seem like it - but it will xx
Three poos a day is a lot! Poor you! Are they solid? Could she have some continence issues?
Anyway, assuming all is well, I would leave it completely for two weeks and not mention potties or nappies or toilets. Just change nappies without grimacing or mentioning smells or anything.
Then I'd encourage discussion about how wonderful poo is, and how it's made from food we eat and do a 'thing' on poo. Do you have that book 'everybody poos'? Check your library.
Then I would just not offer nappies only knickers for a week and explain if you need to go, you need to use the toilet. I would try and ignore all accidents and see how she goes.
It is probably just a time thing, but for my dd she was very possessive of her poo and didn't want me to look at her etc when she needed to go. I had to normalize poo in a different way. I even took her to the toilet and talked about the way it felt coming out and then the sound and then looking at it in the toilet. I think it all needs to be demystified.
Good luck!
If it is laziness of course none if this will work, but there might be something else going on, since she would see but not poo on the toilet.
Just a quick thought... I noticed that you said that she responded to a reward the first time, then got over it. Would it help if you mixed up the rewards a bit? A client of mine made up a box of goodies - stickers, lollies, hair bands, little toys... and her DD got to take her pick from the treat box every time she completed the desired task (not TT in this case). Kept it exciting and motivating as she was always keen to get a look in the box and choose something new.
At 4, I wonder too whether she could be more involved in the clean up as a slightly negative consequence? Have to get herself undressed, wipe herself down, put soiled undies in a bucket... ?
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