Did your DH seriously think shaming would work for either of you?!

My nephew is doing this at the moment, he'll be 4 in November. Wees are awesome, he doesn't even tell us he's going, he just takes himself off to the toilet. He doesn't seem to understand toilet paper though - he takes off 3 squares and either wipes his nose or just throws it in the toilet

Poos on the other hand. Awful. I've tried constantly asking him if he needs to go; he always says no, and generally goes about 5 minutes after I've asked. I've tried bribing him to sit on the toilet for up to 45 minutes at a time; he poos within 5 minutes of getting off. He doesn't seem to recognise that he needs to go, and if by chance he's in the toilet when he starts going, he will have a complete autistic meltdown if you try and force him onto the toilet to minimise the damage. And he has a meltdown the second he finishes anyway, because he hates the feeling of it in his pants or nappy.

I'm stuck as well. If it were up to me, I'd keep him in nappies for a while longer - I hate the meltdowns he has, they're seriously traumatic for both of us. Unfortunately his parents don't agree.