Firstly an apology, I would love to have had this out earlier but given the circumstances I simply have not been in the headspace to have done this any sooner.. and will not be on for a while to come...... BTW this will be long so grab a cuppa.
We have a baby girl.
Nikita Louise Staben was born Sunday 25th May at 11.24am via Caesar, a mere 577 grams in weight.
Her name means - Nikita (unconquerable) Louise (famous warrior) nice and strong.
Our little wombat decided I had hung on long enough and an internal inspection revealed an arm and foot were 'dangling out' of the area where the cervix should have still been.
We were whisked upstairs to the labour ward where we were told the only option safe enough for her arrival was via Emergency Caesarean Section. At that stage it was also said the only cutting option would be a 'Classic Cut' which is across the belly but zipper style internally, meaning I would never be able to give birth the normal way in the future. They also said that I would have to be completely knocked out rather than having a spinal block which would mean a longer recovery and I would not see her for sometime and that Chris would not be present for her birth.
So there I was scared out of my wits, my baby?s life in the hands of everyone else without my man beside me.
I go into theatre (not the type of show I was hoping to see) then the surgeons asked if I would like to be conscious for the birth so of course that was a big yes from me they also explain it is better for Bub. Chris was also invited into the procedure and stayed with me and kept telling me I was doing a good job and kept telling me how much he loved me.
They start prepping me for the surgery and do the spinal block which is the weirdest sensation I have ever had. They gave me more than what was necessary because they usually go by tummy size but due to the early arrival date they drug me up good and proper. It basically makes you go all pins and needles and you cannot move a muscle at all. I was like this pretty much from the boobs down. I could feel tugging and movement of their hands etc but the sensation was unlike anything I could explain.
There was a huge team of people in the room about 6 just for Bub, once they had me open they were talking me through various things like ?there?s a foot? There is her bottom? etc. Then they got her out and she made the faintest little cry (squeak) and I was told it was a girl, all I could do was cry. I could see where they were working on her but couldn?t see her. I remember talking to her telling her she was ok and calling her Niki and pumpkin. Chris went over and took some piccies. Of course I was very concerned about Niki but everyone seemed calm.
Before they took her away they tried to show her to me in her crib but I couldn?t see her. They also told me they were able to do both cuts across my belly so I could possibly have a normal birth in the future. I was so relieved.
Chris followed them out and went up to NICU while I sat in recovery, it was the longest time. They kept me down longer because I was sick a few times. Then I came back up to the ward and had to sit while the spinal block drugs wore off. They gave me a whole heap of other stuff so I was pretty out of it all day on the Sunday. I couldn?t wait to see my little girl but knew I was in no state to do that.
Because she is so early the first 3 weeks are the most dangerous but the first 3-4 days are the most critical. I barely slept Sunday night and Monday was feeling very agitated by the things they had in me, I was extremely tired and wanted nothing more than to see my daughter. One of the midwives who is just fabulous bore the brunt of my emotions a few times. She was so very nice about it all, she got me into the shower and was getting me ready to go up to NICU when I had a spell and nearly fainted. I was so peeved because I knew it would be longer again. A few hours later, we got me into a wheelchair and I saw Niki for the first time. I was completely over come by emotions and not prepared to see such a little baby. When I say little I mean she is a miniature, miniature baby but is perfectly formed.
I have been able to touch her and she responds well to me. She has a strong grip when she holds my finger and moves around a lot more than they would like her too. They have helped her breathing somewhat though she has been doing most of the work herself. Her only main problem so far has been jaundice and her electrolytes keep going up really high but they are keeping close watch over her. We are still in the honeymoon phase and there are so many things that can go wrong at anytime but know she is in the best place in the hands of a highly specialized Drs.
It?s hard as a mother to not be able to hold her or kiss her, but just having the ability to touch her is unbelievable. I never imagined that I could love someone one so much.
I will be discharged on Thursday but have no idea where I will be staying yet. I cannot drive for 6 weeks so I am hoping there will be a space in the emergency accom over the road by then as I don?t have anywhere else a short walk away.
Anyway, I need to get some mummy juice for my little one then head back up to her crib side.
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