Hand-me-downs from family- no thanks!!!!

[Heaven]

Now, I am all for getting second hand stuff from family, will save us a fortune. Some people have been saving stuff for me for when I have a baby which we didn't even know about (I feel so special). AND lots of ppl when I rang them to tell them we were having a baby said 'oh I know what I want to buy you, can I get you this??'. I didn't expect that!! Everyone is so cute, i was so excited that they were excited for me.

However, I thought I'd share this about DH's grandma, i can't believe her, it annoys me and makes me laugh at the same time, So, firstly she is notorious for giving away her old stuff she doesn't want, you can't say no, she'll just post it anyway and she'll remember everything she's ever given you and if someone else needs it she'll ring up and ask if you still have it and if you're not using it can you send it back!!!! Unbelieveable!! So you can't just get rid of the stuff she gives you.

Anyways, so we ring her to tell her we're expecting a baby, she said congrats and then is straight away onto what we can have. She has the bassinet she used for all her kids (she's in her 80s) then gave to her sisters family and they used it, someone in there family has it now but she will ring them especially to get it back so we can have it!! OMG, we've seen a photo and we don't want it plus I doubt it passes safety standards these days.

Then she's going on about everything, the way it sounds we wouldn't have to buy a thing (literally) except clothes. Now I don't really want this stuff, it's all really old and nothing matches and I'm having my first baby I kinda want my own stuff and I want it all nice and matching so i tell DH to just tell her we've bought some stuff and some stuff other people have already given us. DH tells her that and she actually says 'well it's probably best you just take all that stuff back to the shops because I've got everything here'. WTF???? hahaha, you just can't say no, DH had to be firm in the end and we're not having it thank god I can just imagine we'd have to store it and keep it forever coz she'd ask for it back to give to someone else one day.
She actually said during the conversation 'Oh this is great, I will be able to get rid of so much stuff' !!!! I'm not sure why she thinks we'd want all her extremely old stuff. I wouldn't mind just one thing maybe, bit of sentimental value but now I'm too scared to ask, knowing her if she sent it up it would come with a whole heap of other stuff.

Anyone else got any similar stories to share??

[Ginger]

ha ha, i know what you're talking about sj.
when our ds was born, my mil send down this bassinet thing but it seriously looks like the actual manger that jesus himself was born in! it was covered in cobwebs and stunk! anyway, there was no way i was putting ds in it, so it is now getting used to hold firewood
it's very hard, as people have big hearts and they just want to help. most of the stuff we have been given has been great though

[Astrid]

Had something similar with MIL and carseats. Naturally awaiting her first grandchild she wanted to help out. I had already spoken to her about carseats and how we were not going to compromise on safety to save a few dollars, she agreed. Anyway she calls up one day and says excitedly that she has found us a car seat. I assumed she had found a good one on special, but no it was a 2nd hand one that had been in someone's shed for who knows how long. I did not know the person, so did not know the history of the seat, it could have been in accident! Also she was in Tassie, so even though it was free it was going to cost her to send it over. Thankfully that weekend DH and I had been shopping for baby stuff. The carseat and pram we wanted were on layby, so we had the perfect excuse to say "no thanks"! Of course she moaned for ages that it was wrong that we were just going ahead and buying everything as people wanted to help. Well help is nice, but not when it is not what we wanted. I would hate to think what she would have dredged up for a pram for us

[Nai]

SJ, I would accept everything she sends you, send it to the Brotherhood and if she asks for it back say "oh no we had to throw it out - little (insert baby's name) wore/used it so much it wore out/broke and we had to throw it away". I'm sure she will stop sending you stuff if it ends up in the bin or broken

[diva det]

tell grandma to keep it all at her place so that when you come up to visit you will have somewhere that bubba can sleep up there. Doesnt have to happen, but it will save it being dumped at your place!!!

[*charmalea*]

rofl, she sounds soo funny ... i can just picture how all the old baby stuff would look . someone gave me a breastpump that was made in the 80's . it was so loud and it vibrated and it didnt "pumped" it just sucked in my nipple like a vacum cleaner till my boob was sore and it made my nipple swell up so much i couldnt get it out and for about a day it was always on highbeam , while the other wasnt ...

my cousin ( a yourng trendy teenager ) Said i could borrow her bassinette , i thought it was going to be a good new one , but no , it still had the op shop price tag and its plastic weave , when my aunty was giving it to me , she showed me the certain way you had to carry it otherwise the handle would fall off and bub could roll out .. and the frame was ricekty .....

target had a bassinette on special during the toy sale for $99 i didnt think twice about buying it ...i just couldnt put bubs in the plastic one ... it holds the tins of cat food now

[Kitt3n]

LOL! Sorry SJ, had to laugh at this one - kinda going through the same thing here.

When I had DD there was NO money, so i gratefully accepted anythign and everything that i was given. Now, were arent exactly well off, but we DO have enough money now to buy a noce cot and change table. Have you any idea how hard it was to tell DF's parents that we didnt want the old hand me down cot and falling apart change table from their side of the family?

So I made a pact with my mum (woo hoo mum to the rescue ) . Mum knew I hated my old change table and understood that there was nothing that was going to stop me from getting good, strong study furniture this time. So, mum put down the deposit on the cot, change table, mattress (no way in hell she would let me accept a second hand mattress) and the change table pad. Next time <insert dark evil orchestra music> "the cot" comes up in discussion with the in laws I will just be telling them that MY mum has already bought us new stuff and due to the sale price it is non refundable. (white lies you know, all white!!!).

So our little Unit is going to be sleeping and changed in style in/on her brand new Kingparrot CO - ORDINATING (big thing for me!!) furniture and there is nothing any one can say or do about it!

But with your grand am in law - i'd say just accept SOME of it (baskets alays come in handy, maybe to keep all your recycling in before it goes out? LOL), have you got some sort of storage area? Afterwards you can say gently "sorry but it didnt meet the current safety requirements so we accpeted stuff from other people". Maybe just use one or two things so she doesnt curse you forever.....

[puppies]

Girls, I feel so bad for you. Thats is all very stressful stories, funny but stressful. Nope I can't even bring myself to looking at 2nd hand cots etc from ebay, what if the child before had some terrible illness that was still some how contractable from the furniture? Nope I saved well before we even started TTC so I wouldn't have to even think about 2nd hand stuff.
Wow you poor things!

[SunnyRain]

This is such an entertaining thread. That grandma ... wow. She needs a dose of Alzheimer's so she finally forgets who she "gave" stuff to. I can't believe you can't throw anything out. Hasn't anyone ever been caught out having thrown her stuff away when she comes back after 10 years expecting them to still have it?

My nan is a little bit the same. She is 91 and she just moved from her house to a retirement village and she wanted to give everything away, so we've all inherited some weird junk. There's some tables and shelves my late Pa made from unsettled camphor wood that has warped over the years that no one wants, but we have to accept it graciously because dear old Pa made it himself. If Pa saw what had come of his handy work he'd be ashamed and smash it up for firewood.

Luckily for us we live in a small apartment so I refused everything except the antique rocking horse, which needs some serious repairs but it's quite lovely (Pa made it, too, but not from warping camphor). Not sure how to repair it. I wonder if Bunnings do "fixing up your nan's weird junk" ladies workshops on the weekends.

[ajw0108]

However, I thought I'd share this about DH's grandma, i can't believe her, it annoys me and makes me laugh at the same time, So, firstly she is notorious for giving away her old stuff she doesn't want, you can't say no, she'll just post it anyway and she'll remember everything she's ever given you and if someone else needs it she'll ring up and ask if you still have it and if you're not using it can you send it back!!!! Unbelieveable!! So you can't just get rid of the stuff she gives you.

This could totally be MY nan! She always 'Here - this is yours. You said you liked it once'........then if you finally relent and take it just to shut her up (yep, sorry nan) she'll bring it up YEARS later & say 'Do you still have that xyz of MINE?' and look out if you don't!

It's such a no win situation! I feel your pain, SJ!

[Heaven]

rofl, glad I'm not the only one. I don't have to suffer in silence!!
Why do ppl think we want all their old junk, honestly, I have so many old tablecloths and serviettes that smell like mothballs from her.

[blackduckies]

Thanks girls for the laugh, well and truelly needed!!!!
I have to say we have been very fortunate, maybe because this baby is number 4 and people have left us alone this time with their genourous gestures (but clothes are more than welcome, feels a bit like Christmas for me, when I start looking through bags of clothes)
Good luck and some very good advice there, wish i could recall it when needed, I am not a tactfull as some.

[Madham]

I know exactly what you mean my nana was the same, we use to go there for dinner one night a week and without fail she would fob something off on us. I use to wonder how she had anything left in her house in the end as she always gave things away and never bought anything. She has passed away now but we always laugh about her quirks and the main one being giving her stuff away. The worst was when you visit with the children she would give dd little purses, beads, ugly trinkets etc.

[JellyBean]

I have a SIL who insists on giving everyone she knows her baby's old clothes. It's great- but she expects everyone to return all the clothes so she can pass them on to someone else when you're done with them. I can understand that she just likes to help out as many people as possible, but its a pain in the butt. I've received so many hand-outs, I've had to label all the clothes from her so I remember which ones I need to gather up and return afterward.
Isn't the norm just to pass them on once, let the person do with them what they will and be glad you got rid of them?? Each to their own i suppose....

Oh- and about the Grandma, tell her you appreciate the offer but that you want all new stuff that matches and that you are HAPPY to spend the money (coz they just can't get their head around you not wanting to save money), and that you will receive a nice baby-bonus from the Government anyway (whether or not that is true).
Perhaps you can send her the details about a charity that is always in need of 2nd hand baby gear- that way she can at least feel like she has helped someone out...