I am grieving for pregnancy.. I tried for so long to achieve it, I didn't have it for long enough (although I'm so grateful I had it at all) and I will never have it again. I will never be pregnant again..

It's hard to believe I will NEVER poas again. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that DS will be my last and only living baby. I spent so long monitoring cycles, peeing on sticks, looking forward to the BFP, getting depressed when AF arrives. I experienced a whole range of emotions for so long. Parts of me are glad I don't have to go through all the emotional turmoil that comes with it, but part of me is sad that I will NEVER have another pregnancy. I will NEVER have another baby

I have so much grief surrounding pregnancy. I hate the word..

And before anyone asks, yes I am seeing someone. I haven't yet, I have an appointment tomorrow. Thank God, cos I need it. Desperately..

ETA: I just wanted to add that although I have this grief, I am still happy. I am so grateful to have my amazing boy and I look at him everyday and know how lucky I am to have him.. This grief is new and I am hoping time is a healer.. I don't want to feel empty for the rest of my life although I do think there will always be something missing without my boys..