BW, I feel the same way. I can't imagine life without Grayson but I miss Parker and Shelby like mad. I would love to have all three of them with me. I am so glad to have Grayson though. I am a stronger woman and a better mother because of everything that I have been through.
I feel that guilt too BW, a bit like if I wish we had our angel that I am betraying DD2 a little because then we wouldn't have her - if that makes any sense? So many things to feel guilty about as a mother I guess
to you, anniversaries are difficult, take care of yourself.
megsmum, that is exactly how I feel! Either way I'm betraying the child that could have been of the child that is...
I guess it just comes down to accepting that the pain on my journey has made me who I am today. Without the losses, I would not have Sam, but I also would not be the mother I am today. While it has been horrible, it has shaped me and made me stronger and while it's still sad it was somehow necessary for me to be who I am now.
Thank you to everyone for the hugs and understanding. I hate that so many need to understand this pain and the emotions that go through your mind on significant dates and random moments when something reminds you, but I'm also glad to have the comfort.
BW
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