Hello my dear friends. Sorry I have been absent from this thread, but my life has been crazy, busy and just plain mad. I have been keeping track of some of you on FB but I have missed out on all the detail of your daily lives, the trials and tribulations, but I think of you all and have missed the chatting.
Im still trying to catch up on everything in this current thread! BTW Miss Jayne, I didnt know you had BB!! I kind of thought a FB ban meant everything is banned
Dory - here you will find friendship, comfort, compassion and the best bunch of women you will ever meet. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious babies, but so happy to see you have the most precious little earthside angel in your arms. Hannah is a beautiful name btw. As for this 'friend' she is to say the least, insensitive. I think acknowledging your other children in such a special way in Hannah's birth announcement is beautiful, its hard for some people to accept (or just plain ignorance) that angel babies will forever be part of us, our families and we need to acknowledge them and remember them. Sending you massive
AFM - we have moved house, had major events, started work, still not sorted at new place, both girls now in childcare, Natalya's christening is in two weeks, organising DH's 40th, dealing with a brother who is a recovering drug addict and trying to help him organise his life on a daily basis, and the list goes on and on and on...
But Im sure you will be pleased to know that Natalya is SLEEPING!!! After 7 long months of sleep deprivation and constant crying, she has settled into the most perfect, adorable little cherub, who on most occasions, sleeps right through!!
And Miss A, well for the last 48 hours her fave phrase has been 'effing idiot'! She heard it and now wont stop saying it. Worst part is she is using it in context! On a side note, she is fully TT, no night nappies either!
Hi guys. Just a quick post because a few of you have been concerned (that would be Jayne and Lee tonight ) I am humbled to be in the thoughts of so many so often and extremely grateful. Every thought through the ether is another positive one getting through to me and helping me get through the day.
I am around but I don't want to bring the thread down. I am tired. Exhausted actually. I can feel the internal slump in my shoulders as I am trying to get through each day. I get to bed late (hoping that the 2 big ones have finally crashed right now) and up early with the little one. I have neither the energy nor the hands to deal with the bedtime routine at the moment. DS2 is fluctuating in his patterns which is all perfectly normal. It just means I miss the sleep window with DD in particular and then we are up until midnight These tendencies may be positives in the future but right now they are exhausting me.
I lost it at them tonight. Screaming banshee mummy came out and as a result I have a killer headache. I am trying to do the Christmas "thing" when I have no desire to be merry. But I need to be. For the babies. It isn't their fault Daddy is dead and so Mummy must keep on keeping on. Regardless. And because it is busy and the end of the year there is limited support and the support that is there is fabulous but it still doesn't give me any more sleep. Both of my parents are working. IL's have been unwell. One BIL is a boofhead (probably not coping is more like it) and the other one has a sick bubba just bigger than mine who will need surgery and probably before the end of the year. 2010 cannot end soon enough.
And I have to get through the baptism of our baby in a week. Without the most important person next to me. And it hurts too much to think about. Thankfully it is just us and just family but I never, ever thought I would be doing this on my own. DH was always there. Now it is just me. BIL will be with me for support but it is not DH. Another knife through my heart. I sometimes wonder how much I can take. But I am FINE (right back at you Mako ) And we did the work Christmas party the other week. Asked how I was on many occasions. Actually got to the stage where a few people were challenged with the "do you want the polite version or the truth" The polite version is we are doing ok. The real version is a lot darker and rather black on many, many days. But I have my facade. I have my shell. It is all that is keeping me together right now and I hold onto it very, very tight.
Dory - it is good to see you in here. I too followed your journey to this baby. Welcome to our corner. It is a special one.
Lisa - good to see you back xx
Big hellos to everyone. All is quiet which hopefully means they have finally fallen asleep. Now I just need to transfer the sleeping G and hope for a few consecutive hours for me. I am here. Just lurking. But I am ok. Day by day. G is 5 months old and G has been dead 8 months. Time is just marching on by.
Oh - we have a tooth too. A small woo hoo in amongst the other stuff. DS2 is also doing beautifully in his developmental stuff so the next appointment is at 1yo. And I am blessed with cheeky, chatty, incredibly intuitive and intelligent little people. Positive affirmations to wipe away the negatives. Because despite everything, we are healthy and (relatively) happy. We are fed and clothed and clean and loved. There is still a crack to let the light through. Despite everything.
Michelle... I am honestly in complete awe of the strength and grace you show through all of this. My health issues have me hitting the point of exhaustion when DH spends a few too many evenings out. I hope you managed to get some sleep, and I really hope we can get my issues managed better quite soon. I feel awful when I have lots of time and the desire to help out, but the body... not so much.
Dory, a quick welcome to you. I'm sorry that you were treated so insensitively, but glad that you have found this little haven of support.
Must run - DH is going out again (I do miss the little eye rolling smiley!) and while he did offer to take Sam, he had forgotten that he needs to take his car, not mine. So won't have a car seat for the munchkin. Mummy doing solo duty while exhausted and in agony yet again. *sigh*
Nope. Not much sleep at all. But off to the park and then to pick up the Santa present while I have reinforcements. Had to move a 34kg package on your own with 3 little ones
BW - I hope there is something that can help you with this soon xx
Bummer. Hard to move a 34kg package on your own with any number of little ones, so I'm glad you have reinforcements.
Current plan is to push the methotrexate to 20mg and give it one more month. Rheumy has insisted I go back onto prednisone - mostly because it's a prerequisite to get approved for the tumour necrosis factor alpha inhibitors (scary name, huh?!) that are starting to look like our only option. He has at least agreed that I can go with a very low dose, but it's still scary. I once had a crazy allergy thing swell one eye shut which my GP decided to treat with a short burst of prednisone and it made me so cranky and aggressive that when Sam had a clingy day I found myself wanting to throw him through the wall. I didn't, but it scared me and I have refused to take it ever since. No improvement by the end of January and we start jumping through the incredible paperwork hoops to get me funding for the meds. At least this way if DH insists on dragging us out to visit his parents (very cramped, very hot, very uncomfortable conditions) I can blame the drugs if I completely lose it at them.
I second that Lisa... Michelle... you're incredible and have every right to feel the way you're feeling. Please don't feel like you're bringing us down... we're here to help you through!!! Massive hugs.
Michelle - You don't ever bring us down, you inspire us.
Lee -
Lisa - Good to see you back.
Not a great time of the year around here either but ours are only financial/moving stresses and nothing much to complain about in the scheme of things. I will be glad when this is all over, but in the meantime, we'll keep keeping on.
Thinking of you all, especially Michelle, and wondering how Deb is doing?
Willow I hope the stress of moving eases up for you soon and hope like crazy you guys find a house up here soon..Let me know if I can help out in any way shape or form and I'll do my best
Michelle You most certainly do not bring us down..like the others have said you are such a amazing and inspirational person who we all love and care about and think of you often..just wish you were closer so we could be more help for you in person Oh and WOOHOO on G having a tooth..what a clever boy he is
Lisa It's good to see that you popped in to update us on how you guys are doing too..Well done to Miss N for sleeping much better for you now
Kelly How are your boys doing? I saw something on FB the other day about Campbell outgrowing the newborn nappies..you must have some awesome mummy milk going on there well done!!
BW Sorry to hear you haven't been very well..I hope things improve a bit with the medication
Lee how is everything going with you? How did your help session thingy go last week for everyone in your family?
Deb I've been thinking of you and wondering how you're doing. I have been following your little fur girl's drama these past couple of days and hope she's home safe with you very very soon
Freya how are you hun? You've been MIA for a bit and am worried about you
How is the swimming coming along? Are you still enjoying it?
Jayne How are you all doing? Are you looking forward to coming back to Aus for Christmas? How's Jess and Claudia?
Bun How's the packing going? When do you move back to Perth?
Bek How are you all doing? How was your holiday?
Janie Where are you?? You've been rather quiet of late and I hope you're ok.
Spring Have been thinking of you too. I hope you and your boys are all ok too
Hi guys, sorry it has been so very very long since I posted last. Life has just been crazy lately with the move next week - I can't believe how quickly it has come around! I have so much to do at the moment and still have nowhere to live over in Perth. And to add to everything else, my phone died on me yesterday which was the last thing I needed! I had been waiting to get to Perth to get myself an iphone as there is a three month wait for one here, so there went that idea! I managed to get myself a Samsung Galaxy S and that is very similar to an iphone anyway, and I am happy with it so far. Those of you whose phone numbers I have (or should I say had!), can you please either PM or text them to me (with your name) so I can stay in touch?
Jayne - good on you with the weight loss, yay!! I have still only lost a measly 1kg of my baby weight sadly. I am also into zumba and loving it! It is a total crack up and we have a fabulous instructor over here, I will be sad to leave but hopefully will find another good class over in Perth. What dates are you back for Christmas? We will have to catch up if possible, and if Kelly is there at the same time it would be great if we could all catch up. And I still haven't met the gorgeous Campbell, although I imagine I will have to line up if I want a cuddle!
Deb - how are things going? So glad to hear that your dog is ok!
Michelle - don't ever worry about bringing us down hun. We just want to help in anyway we can. I can imagine that this Christmas will be very hard for you and the kids and it must be almost impossible to get into the Christmas spirit, especially when you are so tired. I wish I was closer and could help out. Sending a massive your way hun.
kelly - how is C going? I hope you are getting enough sleep.
willow - I can totally relate to the stress of moving right now, and we don't even have renos to take care of and DH is here with me, yet I am still totally stressed out! It really is the worst time of year to move isn't it? Christmas isn't even on my register at the moment, it is something to start worrying about once we are in Perth, so I am afraid my family aren't going to be getting the most inspired presents this Christmas!
mako - How are you hun?
Lisa - sounds like you have had a lot on your plate too! I hope things calm down a little now in time for Christmas. I couldn't help but laugh about A using the F word. We had the same issue here with DD saying FFS, also in context. I was mortified the first time she said it! Thankfully she stopped it pretty quickly and we are now much more careful with our language. Hopefully A will stop soon too.
Lee -I am sorry to hear that DH's homecoming wasn't what you were hoping for. FWIW similar things have happened with DH and I. I think because you build up the homecoming so much, but he is tired from travelling, you are tired from looking after the kids on your own for so long and everyone is tired and cranky which never makes for a nice time. I hope things start to improve soon hun, it must be really hard for you.
Dory - welcome to our thread. I was going to say what the others have already said about the comment you received. I think what you and your DH wrote was just beautiful and I don't see how anyone could not understand it!
Janie & Spring - I am missing you guys! Hope all is ok.
Hi to everyone I have missed. Sorry for not popping in much. I may not be around much for the next few weeks either depending on how quickly we can find a house in Perth and get settled in. At least I have the net on my phone now though so can read but just may not post much. Thinking of you all,
Thankyou for the warm welcome.... and words of wisdom.
I'll be back to read more but I just wanted to send my love to you Michelle. Thankyou for being so gracious as to extend such words of kindness to me, in a time which I do not doubt has many dark times for you.
You will get through, as you have the courage and strength and a gentle beauty. It's usual to doubt yourself, especially when you are tired and just remember not to be so hard on yourself! You are grieving and there are moments all around you that will remind you of your DH. The christening will be hard... but your DH will be there in spirit. I know it's not how you want him there.... so big hugs. If I could I'd come and help you... but Brisvegas is a long way away.... hope you get some rest soon. Go gently.
Im here Mako. Things have just been crazy lately. Dh and I started marriage counselling last week. I havent been back to swimming due to appointments and some crazy AF stuff but next week I will start doing 3 nights a week to finish up my training because Dh is on holidays. Im just chugging along at this point in time. The kids are excited for christmas which is cool.
I had some blood tests done last week because of all this crazy bleeding Ive had after the d&c and they didnt come back with good results for my reproductive hormones soooooo I had to have more yesterday and go back for the results next week. What I googled from my results was a bit scary. One option was being pre menopausal. Another was that my ovaries were chucking it in or that my ovarian reserve was less than impressive. Which could explain the miscarriage if its a case of egg quality. So now Im freaking out because the GP basically said that it might be a case of closing up shop for more babies or a need to have another one if we choose to ASAP.................bit hard with Dh being away most of this year and not being keen on TTC now so that I would deliver while he is away She said she'll refer me on to a fertility specialist if I want once the other results are back but it could take months to get an appt and for what? If Dh isnt here its a moot point. I know I should be grateful I have 3 healthy kids but I feel so frustrated that we had m/c and I finally got DH on board for more kids and now this.
Hi Freya - couldn't not reply to your message babe.... don't have much wisdom to offer.... you seem way too young to potentially be having these kinds of problems. I have heard of that 'newish' blood test which can check your egg number/quality... is that what you are now getting done or had done? It's a right pain with your DH going away.... my first though was to get some sperm out of the man before he heads off... this might be drastic, but at least you have the other half of the recipe should you need it quickly, depending on your results I guess. Hang in the babe till you get the rest of your results, things may not be as bad as you think - stop googling!!
Hi to everyone else .... raining here in Hobart, I love it I really do.
Mako - thanks for asking babe - unfortunately they cancelled the blended family workshop for lack of numbers, they may run it again next year. For now, I'm kind of in a holding pattern while DH sorts out his job - may end up overseas, not sure yet... and we shall see where we are at then.
Got to rush girls, feral o'clock seems to have started early today - YAH for us!!
Freya - Massive hugs hun.. I wish I had something more inspiring to say. It just sucks that DH is heading away and I'm hoping that you're bloods come back with some more positive resutls. Thinking of you and STOP GOOGLING.. it's the worst thing you could possibly do (and it's the first thing I always do too)!!!!
Lee - More hugs for you too hun. Thinking of you and praying things improve with DH.
Bun - OMG.. I can't believe you're going so soon!!! Good luck hun, such a big move back and I'm praying you've now found somewhere to live!! We're not back in Perth until January 13 and I think Jayne has gone by then... bummer. Would love to catch up with you though, so we'll have to plan something!
Mako - Glad to hear you say things are going ok... I really hope they are and am still praying for you every day!
Lisa - Great to hear from you.. we really must organise another catch up for the new year.. you've just gotta meet Campbell!!
Michelle - Where are you???
Sorry, no time for more personals but I'm thinking of you all. As for us.. we're doing ok. Still very tired as Campbell is waking pretty much every 3 hours and has started becoming a lot more unsettled... I knew it wouldn't last!! LOL. We had the health nurse today and he's stacking on the weight.. now weighs 4.7kg and has put on 800gm a week over the last two weeks... when he's supposed to only put on 250gm per week... crazy!!! So it looks like he's feeding a bit too much and for comfort, so he's got the dummy now and today has been heaps better. I think he was feeding so much he was getting a tummy ache.. but wanted the boob for comfort so just kept feeding!! Now he's much happier sucking the dummy!! And the health nurse thinks he's got reflux... sooo annoying but not surprising.. I thought it was heading that way, he's not been a happy camper. So off to the paed we go!! it's not as bad as Luke had it though so hopefully we won't need medication!!
Anyway must go... Luke is being a little monster lately and he's out of bed again.. he's been a right little grump this avo and I've had enough of the attitude!! I keep telling him Santa won't be visiting if he keeps this up!!! LOL. Poor little guy, I know it's hard for him too!!
Grrr, I just did a huge post & was right at the end & I lost it. Boo hoo to me.
I'll come back later for personals. Sorry for a selfish post.
I now have a 6 year old!!! I can't believe Jess turned 6 on Sunday. She is over the moon with her Nintendo DSi after lots of tears the week leading up to her special day with her thinking that the Birthday Fairies wouldn't be able to find her in China. Bless her heart.
Had a bit of a stumble today on some oil or something when crossing a road & as a result I'm in absolute agony with my back. Have taken some Nurofen Plus but it's not helping. I have never hurt my back before. I actually think I did more damage trying to balance myself rather than the actual slip - KWIM? So I have been taking it easy on the couch the rest of the day, but I have to walk & get the kids pretty soon, I just hope it eases it up with walking, rather than adding more pain. Looks like my Zumba class is off tomorrow.
So sorry for being so selfish - I'll be back for my girls tonight!
Happy belated Birthday Jess.
Jayne How is your back now? I have to say there is nothing worse than a lower back injury. I hurt mine 8 years ago (2 bulging discs) and OMG its the worst thing ever..I hope you're feeling better or have managed to go for a massage to help relieve some of the pain
Freya Big coming your way. I hope the counselling helps you and your DH out. How did your blood results come back the other day? I hope things are looking up a bit for you soon
Lee Bugger about the blended family workshop being cancelled..fingers crossed they run it next year and hopefully you all benefit from it
Michelle Thanks for the chat the other night..I managed to get some Christmas shopping done but not online. I'm thinking of you this weekend
Bun All the best with your move back to Perth
I have a busy weekend this weekend..Sage & I braved the crowds at the shops this morning to do some more present shopping and we have MIL's family Christmas party this arv and my work party tonight and a 40th to go to after that that DH will already be at and tomorrow a quick trip down the freeway to a special friend's house for DH to do a little bit of work and then home again for FIL's family Christmas party dinner..Oh the joys of this time of year..I really need to try and start to feel festive but its so damn hard..I even broke down in the shops while Sage was eating his lunch..they were playing Christmas carols and one in particular brought me undone So not a good look sitting at the table in a crowded eatery with tears streaming down my face..took me by surprise that's for sure
Anyway I'm sorry to be a downer once again..I really should get off here and wrap some presents for the party this arv.
MAKO _ Oh my love, I just want to wrap my arms around you & give you the biggest hug in the world. I'm crossing everything I have that 2011 is your bubba year. Ah the joys of being so flat stick!!! I'm going to be rushed off my feet in Perth, I have started taking bookings. bahahaha. Sounds like the weekend will be over in a flash for you though with all that you have on. Exhausted on Monday morning for you I think. Oh & please don't say you're a 'downer'. We know what you're going through & we are here to listen to the good, the bad & the in between!!! It's our job!
FREYA _ Geepers, I'm sure that those blood results put the wind up you. How could they not. Kelly is right though, please don't Google it, you will just get way ahead of yourself! Wait until you see the Dr again & go from there. I bet it's a scary & anxious wait though. Is storing DH's wrigglies an option??
LEE _ How are you going darl? Has the hayfever/allergies settled?
DORY _ So glad you are happy with us here! We are a lovely bunch, even if I do say so myself!
LISA _ So glad you are back with us! You have so much on your plate. Massive woo hoo that Miss Natalya has learned that sleep is a good thing!! What's Miss A up to?
MICHELLE _ Ahem, no pictures have been sent!!! You even have my new e-mail addy....................
BUN _ Wow, can't believe how quickly the move has come up.
JANIE _ How's your beautiful boys?
WILLOW _ How is your house hunting going? Has Miss V finished up with her school now? Is she sad that she won't be going back?
Massive hello & squishy hugs to everybody I have missed.
My back is feeling a damn lot better. I over did the walking today though as the kids had a birthday to go to after their Kids Zumba, but I'm laying down & resting it again now. I had a shocking night on Thu night though. I battled waves of vertigo all night & then Friday morning I woke with the sorest of sore throats. If I hadn't had my tonsils removed, I would think I had tonsilitis. It has been so despressing because you can't see the 'sore' but it's agony. I started taking some general ab's & they have certainly helped. Had my first pow-wow with Alan over it as he wouldn't pick the girls up from school or take them. I didnt' ask him to take the entire day off, I just wanted him to go into work later & leave earlier. He told me if I was that ill I should have kept them home. WTF!!! Then who has to watch them ALL day long? Pathetic. We still haven't had it 'out' about it, but I am going to express my disappointment tonight. He insists the kids are his responsibility as well, but on Friday he took NO responsibility for me or the kids. OOppps, he's home now.
Have to be quick... I'm home alone with the two kiddies and still getting used to the whole thing so it's a bit crazy!! Finally got Campbell to bed and it appears he's asleep.. that just leaves the older one now.. who's still eating his dinner (an hour after he started)!! It's crazy! Anyway... in between getting the kids fed and to bed... I've been sitting with tears streaming down my face. DH is taking my mum out to the airport.. she's flying back to Perth and I'm a mess. I knew this was going to be hard.. I just hate that she won't be around to help with Campbell... and to make it worse.. Campbell is showing all the classic signs of refux and every feed seems to be getting worse.. tonights was really bad (I guess it didn't help that I was crying uncontrolably)!! I just want my Mum around. Sorry.. I know this is trivial in comparison to what may of you are going through and I guess all the hormones aren't helping.
) I am humbled to be in the thoughts of so many so often and extremely grateful. Every thought through the ether is another positive one getting through to me and helping me get through the day.
These tendencies may be positives in the future but right now they are exhausting me.
) And we did the work Christmas party the other week. Asked how I was on many occasions. Actually got to the stage where a few people were challenged with the "do you want the polite version or the truth" The polite version is we are doing ok. The real version is a lot darker and rather black on many, many days. But I have my facade. I have my shell. It is all that is keeping me together right now and I hold onto it very, very tight.
Hard to move a 34kg package on your own with any number of little ones, so I'm glad you have reinforcements.
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