Parenting after Loss or Miscarriage ~ February 2011

[luna moth]

Reet-i was a live in nanny/babysitter before i had my 1st so i was pretty strong from the begining but yes the more kids and experience the stronger you get and you dont let a screaming baby upset you and you dont panic at every whimper it does get easier

I have been a live-in and live-out nanny, and I have worked in childcare for ten years, and I can't handle hearing a baby scream. Having done the study behind it too, and learning the psychology (and reading the articles here and here) there is NO WAY I could ever let my baby scream, or even anyone else's. I could never ignore my little girl, knowing that she needs me. She is too little to be manipulating me; what she needs is to be loved, held and made secure. The only thing babies need to learn is that their mummies will be there for them.

[ferrals5]

I wasnt saying i let mine scream of course i sooth them but when they are upset for what ever reason i dont panic or let it worry me babies cry thats their way to tell us there not happy i know they will settle and i just get on with it and calm them.
What i was implying was that getting stressed and upset doesnt help i have never ignored my babies i am always there i just dont panic or stress over it sorry if it read the wrong way but that is not what i ment ignore or dont sooth your babies i was simply saying dont get worked up.

Gee you made me feel like a bad mother for saying i dont let crying worry me!

[Reet]

Forshelby- THAT IS FANTASTIC!!!!! Funny that u had ur big vent yesterday and now hes the perfect little boy today..its always the way hey.. Maybe when he is being a naughty little boy next time come on here and vent to us all, u might find he is a little angel again the next day! Even if it doesnt work then we can offer u love and support, even if its just words, it does help!
So good that tv worked for u! Maybe yo gabba gabba will become his favourite show! Ive actually used the tv a few times as well to get myself an extra 10-15 mins to do housework or something.
Is the weather nice and warm still down there during the day? I love taking sienna out on the grass and stripping her off, she has a lovely little kick around and it must exhaust her cos she normally sleeps really well afterwards! It might be a tad bit cold tho for u to do that...
Anyway, im so happy to hear ur feeling better we are all here for u xxx

[ferrals5]

Reet-its so cold where we are that i strip Ella off in front of the gas heater and massage baby lotion into her she looovvveees it i start with her front then roll her over and do her back and you can tell she is ticklish as she wiggles and squirms but it relaxes her and i really enjoy doing it.

Forshelby-good for you i bet you enjoyed some time to get some things done.

AFM-Ella has settled back into her good sleep pattern i think she was just not well for those 2 days but she slept from 6pm until 2am had a bottle than back to sleep until 7am bliss for her parents.

[Tegam]

there is NO WAY I could ever let my baby scream, or even anyone else's. I could never ignore my little girl, knowing that she needs me. She is too little to be manipulating me; what she needs is to be loved, held and made secure. The only thing babies need to learn is that their mummies will be there for them.

I totally agree! With having 4 little ones sadly i cant always get to my baby quickly so i cant say i never let my baby cry But it makes me distressed everytime. I have worked in NICU and been a nanny and have had a baby in the house now for 7 years.... I dont EVER feel like i am being manipulated. I want all my children to grow with the basic knowledge that if they need/want their mumma i will be there!

Ferrals i dont think Audax would ever ever want to make someone feel like a bad mother! I understand what you were saying!

[ferrals5]

Yeah proberbly not it just came across that way but maybe what i was saying came across the wrong way also i hate when my babies cry when they have needles ect it does upset me then i was just saying that a lot of new mums get so worked up and distressed with a new baby crying that when they have had a few babies it does get easier i know when my 1st son cried i would get a knott in my stomach worried what was wrong but now after a few kids i still dont like when they cry but i dont feel anxious or stressed i just deal with it and i dont want people to think i am i mum who doesnt go to there kids when they cry OF COURSE I DO i just dont jump at every whimper or pick them up constantly i try to settle them if tired in bed 1st.
I have always worked and i work nights so unfortunetly i have to have my babies in a routine before i go back to work as DH works days and i have other children so i dont have the time to sit and hold or cuddle my babies off to sleep i have always got them to self settle thats just the way it is i would love to not work and have all the time in the world i just dont have that choice.
But i make up for it when i am home and my babies are awake its all about cuddles and kisses and play time maybe im to old and my old ways are different to the new gentle parenting co sleeping of today but my kids are loved unconditionaly and i spend as much time as i can with them they are all very happing loving kids i am just a believer in babies and kids sleep in their own beds unless sick and i get them into a routine so i can go to work knowing my babies are not at home screaming in distress because mum isnt there rocking them to sleep and unfortunetly babies need to learn that mummy is not always there for them sometimes nanna's and poppys or aunties and uncles or dad is there insted but thats me it works fabulously for me.
And i never used the word manipulated.

I will be away for a bit having some time off the computer it is being used to much and i need to lose this 4 kilos before i go back to work so i will use my spare time for that insted.

[luna moth]

I'm glad you clarified ferrals. A lot of girls in this tread look up to you as an example, and I'd hate for any of them to have misunderstood what you said. I'm sorry that that makes you feel like a bad mother, but honestly, if you know in your heart that you have made the best choice for your baby, then nothing should make you feel bad.

We got needles yesterday I cried more than the baby did. We are having a shocker today and I am still in my jarmies. Someone is coming over to pick stuff up at 3 and the place is a disaster zone. Thank god for panadol, it is helping but we are still having a hard time.

Reet - outside is a great fixer here too! We spent ages outside yesterday! DD took all the pegs out of the peg basket over and over and over again. She also taste tested them for me.

[Tegam]

yay ferrals my away time was great! good luck with the 4kgs. i have 6kgs to go but after kicking 15kgs in the past 12weeks im stuffed. having 4 weeks off before i go again. when are you going back to work?

Audax: DD1 still has a chipped tooth from being given pegs to play with!

[luna moth]

Hmmm, Tegmam, thanks for the heads up! Luckily there are no teeth yet. We have these wacky hippy yellow and green ones made from recycled plastic, and I'm sure she thinks the green ones are food.

I have done away with my pregnancy weight, but I reckon I could stand to drop a few more kilos. Went for a bike ride today, just down to the shops while DH took DD for a walk in the Ergo. Was fun to do something a bit different. Have really been relying on walking and my weekly swim this far.

[butterfly_warrior]

Weight loss... urgh! Down 2.5kg over three weeks which I think isn't bad for a cripple who can't exercise! Having a bit of a bad day with joint pains, but that's the rain for you.

Am just recovering from an overnight visit from FIL, completely unannounced and I'm just rattled. Fortunately I got Sam to day care relatively easily with none of the hysterics of the last few weeks. It seems that a separation anxiety issue has arisen out of nowhere, but I had time to take him to day care later when it's calmer and spend some time with him to help him settle in.

Have to get up and trip about all over Sydney on DH's errands shortly. And DH got a pay rise! A much-needed pay rise, finally!

BW