Parenting after Loss or Miscarriage ~ February 2011

Sorry guys on the run but...

Reet only just saw your message beck now! Be proud you are loving your mothering time :)

Mildez...OMG your poor DN and sister! Far out i hope J is just fighting her illness! :rofl: about always being right...i think its the nurse in us !

Audax: YAY on washing machine. i love mine, lucky as i have to spend so much time with it :)


DD1 7yrs has glandular fever :( The other three probably have it too but im not blood testin them to confirm. There is nothing i can do except panadol and rest for two weeks. And keep them away from other kids for a week! Fun and games at this house :(

My nephew is making a great recovery. 2days ago they were not sure if he was going to make it but his going really good now. His even been a naughty little boy so must be feeling alot better. They said he needs tests for the next 12months to monitor his kidney damage. His still at randwick or however I spell it. Its surprising how fast kids crash when there sick but then they pick up so quickly also. Thank Heavens for that. Little Miss J is going fabulous. Hardly coughed at all today although still wheezing alittle.

Tegam sounds like fun fun in your house NOT. I hope the kids recover quickly from it. I don't know much about GF.

Audax hope your new washer is a good one. We recently sold our upright in favour of a TWIN TUB. Very old fashioned. Nope just need a washer that you can recycle the water as we are moving to our farm soon and only have rain water so very important to use so have to conserve every drop.

Hi ladies! I have been having a hard time keeping up to date on this thread. I am sorry. I think things are going to calm down at my house for a little while. At least i hope they do.

I had an ultrasound last week and there is definitely another baby in there :) Life is about it get a little more interesting.

Congratulations, Laney! :)

Mildez, good to hear your nephew is improving.

Here - teeth suck. 'nuff said.

BW

OMG Laney! I cannot imagine! Eeeeeeeeeeep! Congratulations!!! And fingers crossed for you.

We are going through a stage of screaming breast refusal. It's horrible. At the same time, though, solids are on the up, so I know she's getting nutrition. I think I need to cut the night feeds back to get the day feeds happening again. Which is hard work. And I'm afraid of hard work.

Hard work is scary - but usually worthwhile, Audax. I wish I had some helpful advice to offer, but my boobs are broken!

BW

Laney: Massive congratulations! Woo!

BW: Oh teeth really do suck! I got an amber teething necklace and it seemed to help. Around the time the teeth showed up we had major wakefulness and crankiness, it's hard to know what can be attributed to teeth and what was just being 4.5 months old! I guess your Sam can tell you when his teeth hurt!

Audax: I hate breast refusal :( So hard not to take it personally! I try to remember that the relationship Sammy has with the girls doesn't affect how he feels about me. At least you know she's eating, it's still hard to take though. Maybe try feeding in an unusual place? I used to take Sammy outside, throw a blanket on the ground and feed lying down, he'd be watching the trees and I'd scoot in close and he'd attach without realising it I think!

Tegam: Ack, you must be moving LOTS at the moment! Hope they get well quickly!

Mildez: Phew! Both for your nephew and your little girl. Hope the recovery continues well xo

AFM, well we had an interesting day yesterday, totally normal morning, then my friend came to visit and Sammy was fine, but then he screamed when I went to put him down for his nap, had to take him for a walk outside to calm him down! Then he woke screaming after 20 minutes, tried to get him back to sleep, had to walk around the yard again and he was still sobbing occasionally, managed to feed him to sleep and he slept my lap for 3 1/2 hours, with random waking and crying breaks. My friend is 18 weeks pregnant, so I think she was a little scared! When Sammy finally woke up properly I was playing with him and he was able to sit by himself for a bit, and had perfected his raspberry blowing. I hope every new thing he learns isn't accompanied by screaming and sleeping! Breaks my heart when he cries :( Love is a battlefield!

Sam wore an amber necklace for a long time, and we've never had too many issues with teething until now. He just up and refused to wear it a few months back so the two year old molars are coming through without the amber. I guess we're doing ok. His first set of molars were all four together and one that kept going back up - it cut three times before it finally stayed through. The two year old molars are at least coming through one at a time. But the little sod just chewed holes in three brand new dummies. Grrrr! He's not really able to tell us when something hurts - but I do find him often holding the side of his face.

It's quiet in here... where is everyone? :(

A little update from me, I've started making hand woven slings. Super cute!

We've been incredibly busy and Sam is unbelievably unsettled and grumpy - all sorts of issues trying to get him to eat, sleep, everything. Certainly a Mr CrankyPants right now. :(

BW

oh bugger, I hope things improve quickly!

Not much better, unfortunately. I'm taking him to Newcastle to spend some time with my parents. Hoping that a different environment and some back up might help us fix the behavioural issues while giving DH a break. Neither of us are coping at the moment and it's the only thing I can think to do!

BW

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A little update from me, I've started making hand woven slings. Super cute!

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OMG awesome! How do you make them?

We have been sick. All two both of us with a cold. DH with gut issues :( My mum is staying though, so that's helpful.

We're househunting. It is sooooo hard, and annoying, and unfair to this little girl who is always getting dragged out and about.

Hi all i am so sorry i thought that i could keep up but Honor who just turned six months today was very sick for a couple of days high fevers and not drinking almost landed her in the er. I will try to keep up but yes i have been reading

Blergh, angel, sickness is awful.

We are battling some hardcore constipation here, and I'm starting to wonder if it's the avocado that does it? Don't know what else it could be, in a little girl whose favourite foods are lentils and broccoli...

In other news, SIL's birth of #2 draws closer, and it makes me so nervous. I am still struggling with it, but I'm sure once baby's out I'll be a bit better. Or not. Who knows? Lucky I have you guys to whinge to...

Angel: Eep! Hope Honor's feeling better now! It sounds scary :(

Audax: How went/goes the house hunting? Bummer for constipation (teehee), maybe try kiwi fruit with the skin on? Sammy started solids last week, so I'm a whole new world of poop. So far zucchini and avocado are favourites, with apple up there as well (only pink lady though, not granny smith or red delicious!) With the whole baby thing, I think it does get easier once the baby's arrived, my SIL just had her 4th child - she gave him the most ridiculous name ever, so pity for the child has overshadowed every other emotion.

Butterfly: How are things your end my dear?

Forshelby: Slings sound awesome! I wish I could make stuff like that, but alas my creativity was stretched by stuffing a sock with cellophane for Sammy to play with.

AFM: Things are lovely :) Sammy's sleep went through a rough patch, but we've come out the other side, until the next time anyway! He is soo much fun, starting to see this funny, cheeky, determined little boy in the baby. Seeing him so happy is really helping me to keep going with my parenting choices, I've had some rather interesting/heated discussions with some family members and a mother's group leader about how often I have him on me (I like to give him some sling time each day, that way he can choose whether to interact or just chill out and watch) and how often I feed him (on demand) and how he's never left to cry, and how he's ''still'' in our room. I read parenting by heart by Pinky McKay and that really crystallised things for me as well.

Ahh Audax always an ear in here that understands!

Kit: LOL you still not over that name :rofl: Sounds like we parent very similar!

Forshelby: the sling sounds great

Angel: Hows H now?

AFM: All just ops normal here :) Miss M is so lovely to be around. waves and says hello! too cute

forshelby: I must hear more about these slings of yours! Where are you, woman?!

Kit: LOL at your stretched creativity! :lol: Stay confident in your awesome parenting. Dish out the love!

I have used all of my mummy mojo - I was all over it last week, house was clean, all up to date, did heaps of sewing. Today, a bomb has gone off in the place (to be fair, the tour de france result and subsequent parties have been the priority) and I just want to hide in my bedroom.

Nell just whacked herself with the remote control. Oh yes, I am a great mum. Better go.

Back on deck now! Came back from visiting my parents and Sam was great. Then went to a womens retreat on the weekend with my church and I've come back to bloody awful Sam again. This time it's over sleep. Day times are fine, but we are having a massive sleep regression at night. We're actually having more wake ups now than we did when he was a newborn and DH and I are both so exhausted that I'm nearly ready to start controlled crying in a desperate bid to get bed times back on track and for all of us to get some more sleep!

BW

Blergh BW! Hope the nights get better for you.

I have had a revolting day. I would like to rewind and start again. Remote seems to be broken though, so settling for a cup of tea.

Thank you everyone Honor is back to her old self i blended two fruits together and she loved them apples and blueberrys. She was getting mad becosue i was was not feeding her fast enough. I woke up this am to her sitting up in her crib and laughing and playing with her stuff bear. I told her six months was to young she is growing to fast. There is alittle quilt there with me being pg again i am so tired that i feel like i cheat her out of time with me.

hi to everyone i will try to catch up on everyone later.

Audax - I made my new sling by knitting it with chunky wool and giant needles. Looks awesome!! I'll see if I can upload a picture or something. Good luck with the househunting! It's only natural to feel anxious about SIL's impending birth. :hug:

Angelfish - Poor Honor, I hope she's feeling much better. :hug: How far along are you now? Exciting!

Kit - BAHAHAHA.... pmsl at the cellophane stuffed sock. That's so cute. IKWYM about fighting for your parenting choices. I haven't read that book but I do try to just do what feels right to me. I don't like to leave Axel to cry, but after 12hrs solid (no exaggeration there) the other day I just had to put him down and have a cry myself. It's hard, but I just don't think my gentle parenting is getting through to this boy. Sadly I think he actually NEEDS to be allowed to have a bit of a spaz on his own for a few minutes before he will calm down. It's awful, but I can't see any other solution. Bugger, I'd dangle him from his toe upside down if that's what he wanted to settle! (lol.... not really but you kwim!)

Tegam - How gorgeous she's waving.. awww.

BW - Oh I know that feeling.. it's such a battle isn't it?

AFM - Sorry I haven't been keeping up, been doing battle over getting my clinical notes from the hospital. You probably are all aware now that I have them, after me shouting it from the rooftop in the woohoo room LOL. I'll get a picture happening somehow.. Hmmm. Someone with a bubby girl please ask for one, I'm dying to see one in pink! Haha.

In other news, DP had been slacking off for a while there. If he left the house, I stayed home with the baby, but if I leave the house- I have to take the baby with me. I'm ALWAYS with the baby! Not that I don't want to be, but geez... it'd be great if DP would just watch him for a few mins instead of sitting on his butt drinking beer while I run around like an idiot. He's been better though the last few days thank goodness.

We've started Farex in his bottles, Axels, not DP's.. lol. He seems to really enjoy it. He's not too keen on any spoon action yet though, but he will eagerly suck pureed pumpkin off my fingers. I'm waiting a bit longer to continue with solids, so far it's just taste-testing. I feel ok with that.

I think that's about all that's been happening here.... it's hard to think straight with all the hospital stuff swirling around in my head. That file is a terrifying, yet strangely entertaining read. Call me morbid.

I'll put my hand up for a pink sling! I'm more keen on learning how to make them though! I used to worry about a lot of DD's crying - the AP theories got right into my head, but there were times when her cry meant "Put me down woman!" Even now, there are times when she wants her own space, and won't be held for too long. It's OK to put him down if your mummy instincts say that's what he wants. Nobody knows him like you do. Also, have you read about Baby Led Solids or Baby Led Weaning? Give it some thought. Oh, and just a thought - I might be down your way in the next week.

I'm feling slightly better today. A little bit less likely to throw the baby out the window, at any rate.

Forshelby~ Honor is doing better but she is still tugging at her ears i will be calling her dr tommorow. Me i am 17 weeks this last one will be my last i will have my hands full.

Audax- I can send you the 'pattern' I invented if you like :) I've noticed sometimes putting the little wiggler down is better than banging my head against a wall lol. Today I've started trying out Dunstans baby language. Interesting!!

Angelfish - Aww, ear infection maybe? Poor darling. Wow, 17 weeks. :) So happy for you

Last night was musical beds. Sam fell asleep with me on the sofa, was moved to his bed. DH and I went to bed and I quickly moved to the lounge to avoid the snoring. Sam woke up and came to me on the sofa, I took him to DH in the big bed and climbed back into bed because that's the point that DH usually bails because Sam likes to sleep (quite literally!) on his head. He didn't move, so I moved back to the lounge. DH got up, I went back to bed, Sam got up, I moved back to the lounge and dozed for another half hour or so. It's doing my head in! But we've decided to let him fall asleep in our arms if he doesn't want to go to his bed. No more taking him to our bed from the start of the night. DH gave him his pillow for the night, but it doesn't seem to have made muh difference.

Also having RA issues so utterly exhuasted. :(

BW

Musical beds sounds like it would be funny, if it didn't involve sleep loss. Tegmam is the queen of musical beds by the sounds of it.

Had a bugger of a time getting DD down tonight. I can see her bottom teeth. Think it might not be long. Her 5th nap of the day (yeah, 5 naps :rolleyes: ) was a PITA too. We went out in the carrier, and she was nearly asleep when we got home, but my neighbour had a visitor who decided to talk to her. So that was the end of that. She was very cute in between all her naps though.

Musical beds would be so much simpler if Sam had a regular bed rather than a toddler bed! Three of us in the QS bed just isn't that comfortable, especially when at least one of them snores. If I could fit in Sam's bed (which is actually my bed from before I got married, that mattress is awesome!) then we'd all be a lot more comfortable. RA in the hips and pelvis doesn't cope well with a night on the lounge - the pregnancy body pillow helps a bit, though!

Today's been a better day, but he had a FOUR HOUR (!!!!!) nap and so is up stupidly late. DH is unimpressed that I let him sleep so long and didn't wake him, but he hasn't seen the monster that comes into play when his lordship's sleep is interrupted!

Five naps! Wow. Was that through being out and about and interrupted, or just the way she rolls at the moment?

BW

hey ladies.....how are u all. i thought i would pop in over here. ariana is a month old now but dads been quiet sick so i havent had much time. plus being on the mobile and not on my work computer is quiet hard....and dd 3yrs is giving me a bit of grief....

thinking of u all

It's always daunting coming into a new thread but here I am so hi everyone :)

Hoping to join in this thread as well, but i see it's very quiet.

Thought i'd check out the action here too. Helloooo?! Where is everybody? Hoping a few people will join up...

PM maybe if we talk between ourselves other people may join in again :)

If "those people" are right and everything happens for a reason, then the reason Ianto died was so I'm able to calm myself down easier with Amelia and love her. Still doesn't make it less painful that I don't have both my beautiful babies...

She's been looking at his photos/stuff a lot lately. Tried to grab one of his angel figurines. *sigh* My heart hurts.


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks ;)

Sigh, double post.

Awwww Teni lots of :hug:

:hug: Teni.
I wish you could have both your babies here with you.

I wish I could say something comforting TB, but nothing I can think of would make it suck any less.

I haven't been on BB for ages but it's nice to see a few familiar names. It does seem quiet here though.

Just popping in to say Hi and see if there is anyone in here.

Just wanted some advice on wether I should talk to DS's about what has happened and why mummy is so sad or wether I should just keep it hidden from them.

I just hope that I can overcome this feeling and get back to being a fun and happy mum.

I know no one has really posted in here lately but just needed to get it out.

I also have never really talked to them about their big brother who is in heaven. Its all coming back to me now and feel like all the grief is going to take over. Ahhh I just need to get it together!

Deedles, Im sorry again for your losses. It must be so hard to face this again after what you have already been through. You need to give yourself time to grieve and sometimes that will be in front of your kids unfortunately. As for what to do about telling them, well its totally upto you, and whether you feel its best for you. They are still quite young so probably wont understand properly, but if you feel its best for them to know then tell them.

My DS1 is 5.5yo and DS2 is 3.5yo and we did tell them about our first two losses (early 2011) but DS2 didnt really understand because he was too young. He would say (at random times) 'mummy has a baby in her tummy but it died', and that did upset me from time to time because I wasnt expecting him to say it. So we didnt tell them about the last two, but my grief I couldnt hide. Both were really kind and wiped away my tears. DS2 asked why mummy is so sad and crying, but I just said i was sad because I missed my baby. He didnt ask any more questions.