Parenting after Loss or Miscarriage ~ February 2011

Ferrals how long till the cough started to improve? J has been coughing for 5weeks now but the last 2weeks have been the worst and currently its as bad as it ever has been. She had a cold at 2weeks old (which is how whooping cough starts apparently with the cold, then a break then the coughing starts) she started coughing at 5weeks as she had been coughing a week when she was immunised at 6weeks) the cough has been progressively getting worse ever since. SoI assume she is about 1/2way through the disease if she definately has it. The paed yesterday said the first immunisation does not protect them and they wont get any immunisation until they have the 2nd one at 4months although she obviosuly had the start if it before she was immunised. My poor bubba. She is sleeping now but every 10-20mins wakes herself up coughing.

As for selling your bubba things its a good idea if your not having more. Just clutters the place hey? I'm getting rid of mine also which makes me very sad but I can't clutter our cupboards and I guess its another way for me to move on from hoping they might be used again by me. I'd go again tomorrow if DH was as keen as I but he isn't. It all comes down to what he will miss out on if we had another. I'm just really worried that I know how jealous I will be when certain friends are having bubs and I am done and dusted. I'd be happy for them of course but I know I always planned 4 and I am sure I'm always going to grieve that child I will never have. Then I get angry that if it didn't take so many years getting pregnant J should have been my 4th and I would have been truely happy. I don't feel complete and I'm sure I never will if I don't have another but never mind. Its a joint decision and the benefits of having another don't outweigh the risks (like never getting pregnant, or getting pregnant but not getting the take home baby, stress on our marriage etc)

Murraycod hope Alexis is going ok with her teeth and they come through soon and give her a break. I was lucky my kids didn't have trouble teething. I've heard NKcells can come and go. Well not go completely but the levels fluctuate and some women fall pregnant again without assistance and don't need the prevention treatment. In saying that its not somehting I'd risk (like if you do get a natural BFP I imagine you probably would start on treatment again) BUT i HAVe heard of other people havong the works with one pregnancy and needing nothing for the next.

Funny about withdrawal methods as I was taught in uni that its a very reliable method. But the first time DH and I tried it and then I thought he didn't do a good job (I was a little slimy down there afterwards) I took the morning after pill just to be safe to be safe and DD came along anyway. Oh how nice it would be to be that fertile again!

Mildez: That's terrifying about your little girl, oh I hope you start to see improvement soon. Is the worst over with now or is she still in the middle of it? I'm so glad you kept going to the hospital and the doc's, so awful when doc's don't trust mothers! I'm sorry that you don't feel your family is complete, it must be a hard feeling to live with :(

Ferrals: You've done so well with your boys! They sound awesome, well done you for working with them to help them do their best. Brave move in selling the baby stuff, you went through so much to get Ella that I can't imagine having the fear back again. I have friends who have fragile X, and just before they were going for IVF (they were going to use a donated embryo) they fell preg naturally and it was a killer 14 weeks til they found out they had a girl who has healthy. They're really only just starting the pregnancy now (15 weeks) and they're 100% certain that she'll be their only child.

Audax: We used to co-sleep, but Sammy's a massive wriggler so I never slept well.

Bah, Sammy's making noise over the monitor, BBL!

Mildez-the last month was just an annoying cough the 1st 2 weeks were like a cold then from 3 weeks until about 8 weeks into it was the worst and when my rib cracked farkkkk was that bad i couldnt breath it hurt so much i more or less had to pant because deep breaths killed me and when i felt a cough coming i had to hunch over a pillow and hold tight it felt like i got stabbed everytime i coughed it was awful anyone who doesnt immunise are nuts.
I really hope its not whooping cough when my son had pneamonia he was real sick and got a chest infection also so the coughing went on for ages and he was really lethargic to.
I am sad to sell my baby things but i just cant do it again my heart wants to for DH but my mum and dad would be so upset with me and i want to concentrate on buying our house if DH had a you beaut job where i dont have to work maybe i would but i cant see that happening so thats it for me so back to the withdrawal method.

Kit-i know it's easy to say i might have another but then i remember what we went through to have ella the agonising TTC the IVF the testing the waiting the placenta previa and the c section she has certainly made us work hard to bring her into this world our custom made princess i dont want to go through that again when i have 4 kids if she was my 1st then yes i would but i am 99% sure i am done besides my mum really struggled with Abbi's loss and the rough road to bring Ella into the world i dont want to do that to her again she was a mess watching me go through that and the worry she went through it would not be fair to do that to her i love her to much.

AFM-i forgot to mention Ella had an oral plastic surgeons appointment on thursday to have a look at that fluid filled cyst under her tongue well you wouldnt believe it on the wed my girlfriend came arounfd to visit and i was telling her about it and picked ella up to show her but when i looked in her mouth i couldnt find it so i got hubby to look he held her down while i opened her mouth and you could see a little strip of skin where it use to be but it was totally empty all the fluid had drained out so i rang our doctor and he said looks like it has resolved which is exactly what DH did when he was a baby and he had the same thing i cant believe it i saw it there on monday and then ella was making funny clicking noises with her tongue on tuesday thats when it must have burst or deflated what ever but it's gone so she wont need surgery now thank god.

Hi Girls!

Once again I have left it too long between posts so i wont even try and catch up.

Just quickly, great news ferrals! u must be so glad that she doesnt need surgery, clever little girl for getting rid of it herself :)

Mildez- im so sorry to hear that ur little girl is still suffering, sounds so awful. I was so annoyed wen i read that the hospital staff didnt take u seriously wen u took her in.. lucky ur not a first time mummy like they suggested and u knew something seriously was wrong.. if it had been me..a 1st time mum.. they wld have made me feel silly and i probly wld have just left with my sick baby and been too scared to go back again! I really hope little J starts improving soon.

Well i feel as tho i shld get the worst mummy in the world award... Tonight i am going to a show called Hypnolarious (its meant to be a really funny show where ppl get hypnotised..always wanted to go to one!) with 2 girlfriends and leaving my darling little Sienna with my dad..he lives 2 minutes from the theatre its being held so its my best option! He loves her to absolute bits and is over the moon i am letting him babysit, hes so good with her so i know i dont have to worry but i still am.. i have told him one single little peep from her he has to call me and i will leave and get her.. the show only goes from 8-930 at the latest and hopefully she will just sleep the whole time. I am feeding her like every half an hour now just so her tummy is nice and full. Im feeling so guilty for going, like im just abandoning her so i can have a laugh.. i wish dh was in town.. i wldnt feel half as bad then! Now i understand the whole mothers guilt thing....

Well im home, Sienna is fed and asleep all snuggled up on me :) the show wasnt as good as i thought it wld be... the hypnotising didnt work on a lot of ppl. I went straight after it finished and got Sienna from Dads.. she was sound asleep on his lap..but she was doing a little sobbing noise in her sleep every 20 or so seconds! :( it broke my heart! i asked him how long she had cried for and he said max. 10 mins, which i believe cos i have left her crying for 10 mins wen i was trying to follow this stupid routine and wen she did go to sleep she made that little sobbing/hiccuping noise. Her face wasnt at all red and she wasnt hot so i know she didnt get too worked up.. and i know he wld have called me if he needed too. Was so sad to hear tho :( Has anyone heard this little noise they do after crying sometimes?? or am i the only mean mummy :( Wen i got in the car i just burst into tears... i know she was alright.. gosh she did big smiles wen i woke her up and took her from dad but i dont know.. i think i just found it really hard leaving her :( Shes only made that sobbing sound twice in her life now.. but i never want to hear it again! I didnt show my dad that it upset me too much tho cos i cld tell he had the best couple hrs with her, he is in the middle of painting his house so doesnt have a tv connected at the moment, i asked him wat the hell he did the whole time! he said he just sat there all night holding her while she slept cos she wldnt let him put her down on her sheepskin... haha so cute :)
So yes that my first and last outing without my little attachment, unless ofcourse its just a quick dash to the shop! :) xx

awww Reet hunny yes when bubs get upset they can have a little sob afterwards Ella does if she is having a play up i give her a cuddle and rub her back to calm her then put her back to sleep.
There will be many many things that your sienna will do that will make you feel guilty about and as much as we want to wrap them in cotton wool we can't because in the long term it wont benefit them we have to be the strong loving caring mums who teach our babies to self settle and be able to handle seperation from us you just make up for it when they are awake and in your arms lots of lovin!

Reet how did your night go? Hope you had a lovely time.

Ferrals what brilliant news about Ella's cyst thing. Must be such a relief that its gone and she wont need the surgery. Hey I've been meaning to ask and don't respond if you don't want to and I appolagise if this si to personal but I just wondering if you have any snow babies left? If so is there any chance you can have them tested? I guess that would open a whole new kettle of fish. After DTD last night (sorry about TMI) I told DH he needed the snip and he said no as 1% of him might want another baby WTF? I told him I either need to know I can have another now or I want my hope of another gone so I can move on completely. Men hey!

Oh Reet sweetheart you poor thing...ahhhh mother guilt...its a complex thing and hits us in the guts in many ways!

Poor little Sienna with the sobs, but you just never know whether you would have been able to stop her crying for those 10mins either, maybe it was a pain that the boob wouldnt have fixed. And how could have asked for a better babysitter. Even if she was upset and wanted her mumma she was being held lovingly in someones warm arms the whole time!

Many people will tell you to get over it, or that you 'need' 'me' time. We thats true for some and not true for others. I still feel weird when my kids have sleepovers at my mums house and DD1 is 7. I let her go cause its good for her to have that special time with her grandparents but i dont like my nest being empty hehe!

I like to think of mothers guilt as an indicator how much we care if we are doing a good job or not. Some dont have the guilt, they are **** mothers! Recognise it, but value that you are an adult and the parent. Make the right decision for you and your family :)

Ferrals: YAY on something medical finally going your way. Good girl Ella

Mildez: Hows J?

:wave: Hello everyone else!

Mildez-no we chose not to have the left overs frozen as i would have rathered do a fresh cycle each attempt that way we get to pick the healthiest looking one out of each collection turned out we didnt need to do anymore and besides we went through westmead IVF after our sydney IVF resulted in an effected embryo and all the other embryos were a grade 3 5 day blasties so fine for transfer but not for PGD testing and westmead dosnt do PGD and sydney charges a lot of $$$$$$ its still about $12,000 per cycle.
So i would not do IVF again we didnt really need it my FS said i am very fertile still lots of eggs my follicle count was always really good i just seem to have high E2 levels from a lead follicle which hinded all the other follies from catching up and DH sperm with our last ivf was great so the FS said it all came down to stress trying to hard and age that was effecting how long it took to get pregnant and with age against us and knowing we might have to try a few times to get an uneffected baby i was not willing to wait so went IVF
And my DH did the same to me the other night he was called into work so i missed out on my raunchy night and i said to DH maybe its a good thing i can feel that i am ovulating and he said ohh! i will have to come home and wake you up and throw the leg over :lol: so he definately wants another one it is me that is not so sure.
So at the moment i am not worried about falling pregnant i know when i ovulate and will tell DH to pull out and we will just see what happens in a few months after i go back to work DH might feel differently and decide we are done.
And i agree with what you said your DH cant keep you in limbo you need to know so you can grieve your child bearing days are over or you could just let nature decide if he wont get the snip it might just happen and he will get his boy.
How old are you is age a factor?

Tegam-I know thank f#ck! i waited to have it looked at.

I had a horrible night last night.

I put Ella to bed at 7pm and i went to bed at 9pm i was in a deep sleep when Ella's Angelcare monitor alarm went off about 2am ( now ella is a light sleeper and wakes really easy) and the 2 other times her alarm has gone off was when she was a newborn and in a very deep sleep so the alarm woke her but this time i went in her room and there was no movement the alarm was still going off i put my hand on her head she was so still so i put it on her chest to see if she was breathing there was no movement i gave her a little nudge and she still didnt move so i grabbed her and gave her a little shake (just enough to get a response) and she finally moved OMG! she scared the hell out of me and she was sleeping on her back where i normally put her on her side.
So i laid there the rest of the night listening to the beeping of her monitor and i was thinking to myself was she really not breathing would she have started to breath had i not given her a little shake what if i hadnt had a monitor would she have been a SID's victim or am i just over reacting and she was just in a really really deep sleep.
But i am sitting here this morning thinking thank god i invested in a monitor and my baby is smiling away playing with her mobile.

OMG Ferrals, how scary! I only have a regular baby monitor, and am still too nervous to put Axel in his own room at night. I'm so glad little Ella is fine :hug:

FFS ferrals how scary!

Ferrals: Scary! I had to go check on Sammy after reading that, lol. Thank God you were there!

Reet: Ah the mummy guilts, I know them well :) I know the sleepy sobbing noises you mean, Sammy cries and laughs in his sleep, the laughing is adorable, the crying not so much! It sounds like your dad had an awesome night with Sienna!

Mildez: Oh that's frustrating of your DH! Is it nice to know that the possibility is there or just annoying cos it's not a yes/no answer? How's J?

Tegam: Hi! I hate that ''me time'' thing, I can have me time with Sammy, it doesn't have to be alone. For DH's birthday my sister offered to take Sammy, DH was like ''NOOOO!!! It's my birthday, I need him!''

AFM: Sammy has 2 teeth, an insatiable appetite for grabbing anything and everything, and a new ability to flirt mercilessly. We went to a massive baby store (those places still scare me!) and Sammy was smiling and laughing and coo'ing at everyone around him, he had an audience of about 6 people at one stage, people kept calling their friends over to come see the cute baby. He followed that day up with a day of crap daytime sleep and general crankiness when not being carried around and shown new things every 2 minutes. He's lucky he's a cutie :)

Apologies in advance, this one is all about me.

I am having the most crap day. Axel WILL NOT SETTLE DOWN. Unless I'm holding him and even then half the time he just screams anyway. I can't give him a bottle without him carrying on and taking almost an hour to feed because of the way he screams and pulls off the teat. Forget about playtime, he isn't interested. Forget about me even having anything to eat............. I think he'd spontaneously combust if I did anything for myself. I'm still in PJ's, have a blasting headache and am just feeling completely overwhelmed today.

Why did I get the baby that screams non-stop? Why does everything have to be so difficult? Where's that smiling baby you see on the nappy ads, seriously?! Do they even exist?? I feel like the worst mother in the world. I can't get anything right. Nothing works, and I feel like I just want to run screaming into the night and never come back. To make matters worse, DP has no patience for the crying anymore. He gives up after a few minutes and just leaves him to scream. I get so guilty about it I end up shouldering the entire burden and it's wearing me down. DP says things like "Babies ruin your life... why do women want babies when this is what they're like? I don't want any more kids, I don't even want the one we've got." I know this stuff is coming from a place of frustration............... but it just makes me cringe. I feel like I have to soldier on and do everything for fear of DP having a rough time of it.

I know that's not realistic, and that I need his help, but when he gives up so easily I feel like I need to take over again, it just goes on and on. Anyway, that's my little pity party for the day, Axel is screaming (of course) in his bassinette so I'd better go and bang my head against the same old brick wall for another few hours.

PS. I feel guilty as hell for even feeling this way. So many women would kill to have their babies here with them, and here I am saying I can't handle the crying. I don't deserve to even hold the title of mother some days.

Nawwww, fshelby, :hug: That sounds really tough. It will get better with Axel, I promise. As for your DP, I'm sure it will get better for him too. You know I've had shocking days too, where I just hold my little bunny and say "I'm sorry you can't have a better mummy" You have a sling, dont you? Will that help at all? At about A's age all the girls in my MG starting worshipping theirs. (My endless praise for the Close carrier started earlier)

ferrals - eeek, scary! I have only used my Angelcare once, and I didn't trust it - still kept running up to check her! Our house is tiny, and DD sleeps in our room, so we hear every little sniffle, but I still get the frights.

Reet - I've got hideous mumma guilt. My me time is going for a swim while DH takes the baby for a walk in the Ergo. She sleeps the whole time - one hour every week. That's all I need, although when she was 5 months I went out for dessert with some girlfriends.

Tegmam - that's a lovely take on mummy guilt! You're my mummy mentor, I think.

DD's favourite toy right now is a whisk. Or my keys. *actual* toys are a total waste of space.

Kit - hooley dooley, Teef! We have none. No sign of them either, but I have a teething necklace on just in case.

Audax, we had no teeth until Sam was nine months old. Then we had two pop through during church one morning. We didn't even know he was teething - all thanks to the baltic amber. He now refuses to wear his amber and we are having a hellish time with his two year old molars!

Tegam - I think I agree with your take on mummy guilt... when it's others feeling it! When it's me, I just generally suck.

Forshelby - We sometimes have "PJ days" still. Some days it's just not worth trying to do anything and you just sit in your PJs and hold your child and hope for the best. :hug: It's a tough day to be in, I hope tomorrow is better.

I'm still doing the specialist shuffle... My liver needs to be biopsied, my rheumy says I have bursitis in one hip joint and it's doubtful that my next script will arrive on time for my next dose of humira and Sam's been provisionally diagnosed with mild asthma and I'm supposed to be organising a chest x-ray for him but keep getting snowed under with other stuff.

I've been struggling to even read and keep up, but will keep trying!

BW

Ferrals what a scare you must have had. Did you grab her in the dark or did you turn the lights on? If you had the lights on if she was not breathing then you would notice a colour change by the time you got her out. I'd say she was doing very very shallow breaths that were not picked up on the monitor maybe not! Thank God for monitors anyway. I sleep without the worry I'll wake to J been taken from us especially when she is having respiratory problems with the coughing, pneumonia etc. I've always been paranoid of SIDS but even more so now. I'll be relieve when she is older and I dont have to worry about that although then there are other things to worry about like drowning etc.

Forshelby your been very hard on yourself. Axel sounds very challenging. As I read that thats an understatement. His screaming sounds like a nightmare. My SIL is goiong through the same thing with her bub and I think J been good feels like a slap in the face to her. I wish he was an easy baby for you. Have you spoken to your MCN about it? Maybe they have some suggestions that would help settle him. Some of those day time sleep schools sound good. The ones they run through the child health clinic. That way they can see what bub does and know if its normal baby behaviour just a difficult bub or else might be from reflux or something that can be treated. A friend of mine went to hell and back with her bub and she was diagnosed with a silent reflux or something like that and once her formula was change she was a different bub. Hope things ease up for you soon. Does Axel sleep well for your overnight? Things will get better. You have had such a hard time after Axels birth. Thinking of you.

J has now been on ab's for 5days and their has been the slightest of improvement. She is still wheezing but the crackling has eased so the pnumonia must be improving to a degree. The coughing is about the same but the power spews are easing! Night time ios a struggle as she coughs and wakes herself now so I am up and down all night with her on the boob. SHE just wants to comfort suck which is fine but OMG my boob are flat pancakes. They have been sucked to death.

BW hope your script arrives on time. Are you finding the weather flares up your arthritis?

Kit I would love a yes or no answer. I'm struggling a little with the whole is J my last or not. I wish I have a definate answer as everytime DH mentions having another I am hopefully which I shouldn't be as there is more change of not having another. I think deep down we wont have another and I can accept that and move on now I just dont want to be in limbo land and grieve for the 4th bub I never had and should have years from now when I could get it over and done with now and move forward. But never mind. I am super happy and counting my blessings just sometimes when I am been greedy it gets me down a little.

Mildez, good to hear your little one is starting to improve at last. I'm not doing too badly with the weather, but I'm only four days out from my last injection. Where I am now is the point where my bad days are actually better than the good days I had before I started in the new drug. I have a fair amount of mental fog, forgetfulness, absent-mindedness stuff going on, but I can cope with that. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to teach maths again with the state my head is in (couldn't even add up my purchases when I went shopping the other day to keep an idea of how much I was spending), but it's worth it for the pain relief. The hip is giving me lots of grief at the moment, but I've got a heat pack on it and it's easing. Starting to think the steroid shot would have been a good idea, but I'm too squeamish!

BW

Blergh, BW, sounds horrid. Especially the mind fog. I love my brain, especially the bits that hung around through pregnancy and babyhood (not a lot!) Good that your medication is working though. Good luck getting that chest x-ray for Sam - not toooo urgent, is it?

Mildez - glad to hear that J-bunny is getting better. Thank heavens for magical boobs!

Does anyone else still have a hard time with other peoples pregnancies? I am really struggling with my SIL's pregnancy - she's 30 weeks. She was pregnant when Noodle was born, but didn't know, and I think I'm glad she didn't, because I probably would have cried on the spot. We found out on Christmas Day, and fortunately our then 2 week old was having a grumpfest, so I could excuse myself to go and be quietly sad in the bedroom. Is that weird? Or normal? Am I just a b!tch?

OK where do i start.

Forshelby- i had 3 of those perfect babies you are talking about and yes they are bliss but i also have one that has been a challenge with her being a reflux baby and a very light sleeper and some days she still is a nightmare this evening ella was tired cranky and due for a bottle but because she was so tired she played up and screamed wanted to be held to go off to sleep but i refuse to rock her to sleep not when i have to go back to work soon and i work nights so i put her in the bouncer she screamed as soon as i picked her up she stopped (little bugger) so i tried her bottle nope chucked a fit so that was it i put her in her bed and she screamed and screamed i went in and put her dummy in and patted her and as soon as i done that she stopped so i walked out and she started again SO NOT LIKE HER she usually just goes off to sleep she is starting to want to be patted to sleep NO WAY MISSY MOO so i gave her the bottle and put her back down and she went to start again and i rolled her over and walked out she went off to sleep.
If she is tired i will settle her in her bed and she will put up a fight some times and other times just go to sleep with no fuss at all (i love those times) so i cant work her out how can a baby be so content and sleep well all day and sleep all night wake for 1 bottle and go straight back to sleep i can even vaccum when she is asleep she plays well smiles goos and garrs and then turns in demon child for an hour some evenings lol.
All you can do is keep calm if it's not wind or they are hungry it's usually they are tired and believe it or not babies dont know how to settle themselves off to sleep we have to teach them and if they get over tired can be very difficult.
Your DH will get better with time he is not sure what to do Axel is a 1st bub they are a learning experience so hang in there.


Audax-I didnt trust my monitor before but i can sleep better knowing it really does work.

Reet-I have had one night away from ella for 3 hours i was worried the whole time but i enjoyed it.

BW-you poor bugga i hope your health and your sons health gets better.

Mildez-I had the bathroom light on so i could see her but not in light she didnt move the 1st 2 times i touched her so i gave her a little shake or shove and she moved but only very slightly she didnt seem right to me i am hopeing it was a real deep sleep but F### me i sh#t myself.
I hope J is feeling better soon you must be exhausted.

Kit-babies have a way of bringing in the crowds lol.

AFM-well i had a great day with little miss after our scarey night she woke at 6:30 played for a while then went to bed no fuss slept for a few hours then watched mum and dad cook cookies and make dinner then she played for a bit went to bed no fuss i popped her in bed she just laid there and closed her eyes she woke at 3pm played for an hour had a bath and laid in front of the heater then started to get tired so went to sleep in the bouncer for a bit then hell froze over she just would not settle so we battled it out until mummy won and little miss is snug in bed with a full tummy god love her girls are such a challenge.

The x-ray isn't urgent. It's just that the one the paed got sent over from the hospital showed signs of infection and she wants to rule out lingering infection and a few other things as the cause of his cough. We'll get it done on Thursday. I think I need a home day and DH's car has a flat battery and he's bent the handlebars on the motorbike and it's not all that safe for him to be on it in this wet weather if he doesn't have to be. Thursday is supposed to be a bit clearer so I'll feel more like leaving the house.

And I still struggle with other people being pregnant. Sam's two and a half and it still feels like a knife in the heart when someone else announces a pregnancy. I think that after going through IVF hell to get Sam, I'll always have a touch of that... this journey changes you, and I don't think you can ever go back. :(

BW

Ferrals- Far out! Wat a scary thing to happen! U have made me so paranoid!! When Sienna is sleeping during the day i check her like every 15 mins, sometimes my heart does a little jump and i feel instantly sick to my stomach when i cant see her back or chest moving for a couple seconds.. i cant imagine going thru what u went thru.. u must have absolutely sh*t urself. Thank god for the monitor.. maybe i shld get one.. i sleep so soundly at night time and only wake when she starts grizzling for a feed.
Oh and I love ur attitude towards being a mummy! Unfortunately tho i think im way too soft!! It just broke my heart thinking that all she wanted was her Mummy and i had abandoned her! But yes like Tegam said she was in someones big warm arms that loves her very much so i need not have worried. Its so hard tho! Did u have this same attitude you do now with ur first baby or with each child did u gain more and more experience and realise that whinging and crying really isnt going to hurt them?? I think once i have a 2nd child i will be a lot stronger and wont worry about a little bit of crying.. but right now it feels like i shld be revolving my whole life around little miss S since she is my whole life at the moment!

Mildez- I think u must have missed my post about my couple hrs out..it wasnt too good at all! I had a massive attack of mothers guilt!
I have heard its a pretty scary thing for men to agree to get the snip, my SIL ended up getting her tubes tied cos her dh wasnt keen too, she also agreed that it was best off her getting it done incase they ever split up or something happened to her and he met someone new and wanted more kids.. WTF??! They already have 5 kids!! I think men always just like keeping their options open...
Good to hear little J is slowly getting better, i really hope she keeps improving. Has she lost much weight with all the vomiting?? Im so scared of sienna just getting a cold, cant imagine her getting pneumonia.

Tegam- Thanks for ur post! Made so much sense! I cant believe this whole mothers guilt thing, only a few months ago if i had heard a friend saying what im saying now i wld be like 'god! ur only leaving ur kids for a couple hrs..get over it!!!' but NOW its a whole different story! U know i think thats what my main problem going out was.. the fact that ppl were saying i needed 'me time' and it wld be good to get out for a couple hrs... dh included.. but i didnt feel as tho i did need it! She is so much a part of ME now that i didnt feel like ME when i went out without her! I got sad when i was getting out of the car to go into the theatre and i looked in her empty capsule! She is such a good baby and is sleeping a lot during the days that i get so much ME time that i dont know what to do with myself! Im on BB way too much! I actually lowered my internet usage before i had her cos i didnt think i wld have time to come on as much, im on probably triple what i used to be haha so sad, but wat else is there to do wen ur bfing! :) Thanks again, ur going to be my mummy mentor too!
Oh and so lovely that u still dont like ur 7 yr old going for sleepovers.. i bet i will be the same! U just feel lost without ur little attachments!

Kit- Awww laughing in their sleep sounds adorable!! i cant wait til she does that! Cant believe little Sammy boy has 2 teeth!! Does he bite down at all wen feeding yet??
So cute that he had so many admirers on ur shopping trip! Pity u had a crappy day with him after tho.. but yes i agree with u..its so easy to smile and forgive them when their so cute! Even wen Sienna is taking a bit longer to go to sleep after a night feed if she does a smile or a little noise it just melts my heart and all my frustration disappears!

Forshelby- Aaaarrrgggghh i am so sorry u had such an awful day :( u sound absolutely at ur wits end... i agree with wat mildez said.. maybe a sleep school wld help to see if his behaviour is normal?? Cld it be reflux related?? I just cant begin to imagine how ur feeling... i honestly cant handle Sienna crying for 2 minutes. I dont think u shld try and handle this on ur own anymore, to keep ur sanity u really need to get some help.. i have no idea what or how tho.... god i wish things cld be a bit easier for u :(
It made me so sad reading wat ur dp said... its awful that its come to that, i really hope that things start improving soon and he can see once again what a beautiful little boy u have both made together.. just try and remember to keep ur love strong.. with each others support u can get thru it. Thinking of u xxxxxxx

BW- Gosh ur dealing with a bit :( If u cant go back to teaching will u really miss it do u think?? Can u still get the steroid injection in ur hip if u wanted too or is it too late..? I think it wld be worth it if u can handle getting it done.

Audax- Yes i definitely still have a hard time with other ppls pregnancies. Mainly now because i so badly want to be pregnant still.. or shld i say, again.. cos i want my little sienna girl here too. But i can also be that green eyed witch with friends pregnancies.. i actually have a friend that is due anyday now and i was jealous of her throughout her whole pregnancy, it started off with thinking that if i lose my baby and she has hers then i will have that constant reminder etc.. i actually stopped seeing her for a while cos i cldnt handle it, i have no idea why or what i cldnt handle.. but im only just starting to get better now, im actually loving the fact that she will be having her baby soon and we can play mummies together.
Do you think u felt that way with ur SIL because she fell pg easily.. thats if she did fall easily..? and ur journey was a bit tougher?? Or do u, like me, just want to experience the miracle of pregnancy again?? Or do u just not understand ur feelings at all??!! Trust me, us girls and our feelings are so weird, im actually going to have to do a post in the boohoo room soon cos im really struggling with not being pregnant anymore, i am missing it all so much! I had my ob. checkup today and almost cried when i saw the bed i used to lay on to see my baby at each appointment :( I want to see if there is anyone else out there that is as crazy as me! Anyway sorry for the ramble, i went a bit off topic!

I hope i havent missed anyone! A big hello if i have!

AFM- I have realised that Sienna is starting to not like her little routine being messed up at all. Today we had a bit of an out and about day, then she had a good 3 hr sleep this arvo but wld have slept for longer if my mum and i hadnt woken her up cos we had to go grocery shopping for my sisters bbq at my house tonight. Well that was silly of us! She was fine up until about 7pm when she just started crying and crying! She must have been so overtired it wasnt funny! Like Ferrals said she just wldnt settle herself. I tried feeding her a few times, but she wld have a suck and then pull off and start crying again. My dad was cuddling her for ages and she wld fall asleep only to wake up after a few minutes and start crying again. By 9pm i said goodbye to everyone (even tho they were at my house!) and took Sienna into our bedroom where i followed our normal bedtime routine of feeding her, wrapping her up and putting her in her bassinet, and then she was amazing! She laid there for a while making little cute noises and doing some beautiful smiles and then fell asleep and only just woke up before for a quick feed and is now back to sleep. Its crazy how unsettled a tired baby can be! U wld think they wld just sleep if their tired but nope! I feel as though im learning more and more about my gorgeous little girl everyday. I have definitely realised that she likes staying at home not having broken sleeps all day which she copped a lot of today.. the poor little bugger.

My Mil is coming down to stay with us next week, i am kinda dreading it cos i think she will pick at the routine that we have going on. Our day goes a little like this.. 6am feed where she gets into bed with me for snuggles til about 9am..maybe 10am like this morning (we love our sleep ins!) we get up, have nudey time out on the grass for a little while, have a bit of playtime inside, she then has a good 3 hr sleep, once she wakes up we go for a walk or something, she has another 3 hr sleep, by now its night time and she normally stays up til about 8pm, i put her to sleep next to me on the couch while i watch tv and come on here, and then we both go to bed at about 11pm..maybe midnight.. maybe even 2am like tonight :o I know a lot of ppl wldnt agree with the late bedtimes for me and late starts in the morning (especially my MIL, when she was down when we had sienna she was telling me that i had to start going to bed at 8pm everynight and she wld expect me to be up at the crack of dawn too.. cos thats what u do when u have a baby..god i must have missed that bit in the book! :) ) but hey i figure its working for us so thats all that matters!
Im amazed at how much i have learnt in the last week, before now if she started grizzling after being awake for an hour i wld just keep trying to feed her thinking she was hungry, it wldnt even cross my mind that shes tired, i really didnt think babies got tired that easily and quickly! Now at any sign of tiredness im onto her and she goes straight to bed! :)

Anyway this post has taken me forever, check out the time, im going to be one tired girl tomoro!

Nite nite xxx

Reet-i was a live in nanny/babysitter before i had my 1st so i was pretty strong from the begining but yes the more kids and experience the stronger you get and you dont let a screaming baby upset you and you dont panic at every whimper it does get easier which is good because ella has been my most difficult fusspot lol if she was my 1st i proberbly would have not had anymore lol.

And Ella is the same if we go out and disrupt her sleep routine she is a nightmare later in the evening but you cant not go out and do things ella has to get use to it and is slowly starting to handle going from car seat to pram and back to car seat over and over without chucking a fit she has no choice really i have 3 boys that i do a lot of running around for so she has to come along.
And the more tired they are the more unsettled they become she is miss cranky pants when tired.

Forshelby: Sweetheart your post makes me so sad :( I think some babies are just crap at being babies, they want to do lots of things they can't do yet, they can only communicate by screaming- so screaming it is! Do you think that something is wrong with him, or that he's just shouty? It makes me really sad that your DP doesn't wanna pick him up when he's screaming anymore :( But I can understand feeling that helpless. There were times with sam bam when I felt so awful, he was inconsolable and I felt like the worst mother ever. I don't remember what I did to make it better, I don't think there is anything sometimes, it's just waiting it out - actually Dory would text me amazing things like 'your a far better mother than you think you are' and that would get me through til the next day. Maybe we could message you each day? Things will get better, the good will outweigh the bad. You don't have to love every moment, your allowed to get frustrated and angry - it's hard!

Reet: I'm a big softie too, lol. Sammy's happy though! And nope, no biting yet, I can't really feel a difference to be honest; maybe my nipples are just totally numb now? Eep! Sammy gets grumpy when we go out of routine too.

Bah, the boy's awake. Mother's group today, I'm not totally loving it, but Sammy is, so off we go.

Audax: One of my closest friends has a genetic condition and is pregnant, when she and her husband got the all clear that their baby was fine - I STILL got a little jealous. Pass that ***** hat over here please :)

Audax-OMG! yes even when i have 4 children my best friend fell pregnant when i was going through all testing with Abbi and when i lost her she came to visit me and didnt tell me until a few weeks later and by that time she was 20 weeks i was heart broken she already had 2 boys and desperately wanted a girl and as i just lost a girl after 3 boys i prayed it was another boy i didnt think i could handle seeing her have a girl and my SIL was the same weeks as my friend and i was the same i couldnt speak to her i distanced myself because i was worried they would have a girl then another friend told me she was 20 weeks also but didnt want to upset me so here i was 3 people close to me having babies and all i cared about was what would i do if they had a girl lucky for me they all had boys.
So anyway my friend said she wasnt having anymore kids 3 boys was enough then when i had Ella she adored her and all of a sudden was pregnant with her 4th i felt shocked and ripped off like i wanted to be the one who had the princess girl and dress her all up i know it is stupid because i have my girl and i know after 3 boys it was nice i just wanted a healthy baby but now i find myself hoping she has another boy is that awful or what she had a 12 week scan and the lady said she wasnt sure as it could be swollen ect but the baby looks boyish and inside i was cheering:redface: i am embarrassed about the way i feel but i cant help it i need to snap out of it.

I'm a bit short on time today so once again no persies.

I have been reading along though, and I will say that I too feel slightly jealous of other pg women too! Mostly because being pg was the best time for me. I did what I wanted, slept all I wanted.... it was so quiet and peaceful and frigging fantastic lol. I miss my big belly and all the wonderfulness it brought.

I cant remember who asked, but yes Axel does have silent reflux. He's on an anti-reflux formula and has improved since we started it. I know what you're thinking. "that's an improvement?" Yeah.. it is. *sigh*!!! Anyway today has been so much better, its unbelievable. I think somebody busted in here and swapped my shouty screamy boy for a much better behaved baby lol.

For the first time today I got him to sleep during the day, on is own and not on me. Not only that, but I put him in his cot and for the first time he stayed there for an hour! There were a few grumbles during that hour but popping his dummy in did the trick. I did do a few things differently today. This might sound silly, but I decided to put on ABC kids for him. I dont know if it was the singing, the dancing or the bright colours but it held his attention, and he looked very happy indeed. I was able to leave him in his bouncer in front of 'yo gabba gabba' (which by the way is hilarious) and got some laundry done! Then he had his nap in his room, and I thought I'd be really organized and vacuum. I couldnt believe he slept through it...................... I'm confused. How can he be so unsettled for 11weeks and then just snap out of it suddenly? Could he have just been bored and frustrated all this time??

Is this the beginning of him becoming the happy baby I've hoped for, or is it just a random good day thrown in to get my hopes up? Either way I'm enjoying it, and my clean house. Tomorrow we're heading out shopping with my sister, and I've got his outfit all ready to go, and mine for the morning. Hopefully if he does decide to pull a classic Axel screamfest, I can still get ready without too much fuss and can get out the door. He loves shopping, mostly because I put him in his sling and he cuddles up to my boobs for hours lol.

Ok so I've rambled on and on enough I think.... just wanted to update you all and let you know today has been MUCH better. Best day I've had with him ever, so Im keeping my fingers crossed my sanity will return shortly. :) Thank you all for your suggestions, sympathy, just thank you for all caring so much. It helps to be able to rant and rave in here and not be judged or told I'm weak. So in short, the new plan is to entertain the heck out of him every morning, put him down for a sleep, get some stuff done around the house, then play again every afternoon. At least I have bedtime at night down pat! Not sure who asked, but yes he does sleep pretty well during the night for me most nights now. I can put him down when hes drowsy and he'll go off to sleep on his own most of the time, except for that dang 3am nappy change. After that it's snuggle-town in the big bed.

Oh, I'm still going............ LOL. Would you believe he's been lying in his bassinette happily playing with his mobile and being all cute while I typed this? I would've had time for persies afterall, :) silly me. I promise next time I'll do some!

Once again, thanks everyone for being so supportive. I hope the next awful day like that is a LONG way in the future. Please, let this happy baby thing continue just for a few more days! :grouphug:

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Reet-i was a live in nanny/babysitter before i had my 1st so i was pretty strong from the begining but yes the more kids and experience the stronger you get and you dont let a screaming baby upset you and you dont panic at every whimper it does get easier

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I have been a live-in and live-out nanny, and I have worked in childcare for ten years, and I can't handle hearing a baby scream. Having done the study behind it too, and learning the psychology (and reading the articles here and here) there is NO WAY I could ever let my baby scream, or even anyone else's. I could never ignore my little girl, knowing that she needs me. She is too little to be manipulating me; what she needs is to be loved, held and made secure. The only thing babies need to learn is that their mummies will be there for them.

I wasnt saying i let mine scream of course i sooth them but when they are upset for what ever reason i dont panic or let it worry me babies cry thats their way to tell us there not happy i know they will settle and i just get on with it and calm them.
What i was implying was that getting stressed and upset doesnt help i have never ignored my babies i am always there i just dont panic or stress over it sorry if it read the wrong way but that is not what i ment ignore or dont sooth your babies i was simply saying dont get worked up.

Gee you made me feel like a bad mother for saying i dont let crying worry me!

Forshelby- THAT IS FANTASTIC!!!!! Funny that u had ur big vent yesterday and now hes the perfect little boy today..its always the way hey.. :) Maybe when he is being a naughty little boy next time come on here and vent to us all, u might find he is a little angel again the next day! Even if it doesnt work then we can offer u love and support, even if its just words, it does help! :)
So good that tv worked for u! Maybe yo gabba gabba will become his favourite show! Ive actually used the tv a few times as well to get myself an extra 10-15 mins to do housework or something.
Is the weather nice and warm still down there during the day? I love taking sienna out on the grass and stripping her off, she has a lovely little kick around and it must exhaust her cos she normally sleeps really well afterwards! It might be a tad bit cold tho for u to do that...
Anyway, im so happy to hear ur feeling better :) we are all here for u xxx

Reet-its so cold where we are that i strip Ella off in front of the gas heater and massage baby lotion into her she looovvveees it i start with her front then roll her over and do her back and you can tell she is ticklish as she wiggles and squirms but it relaxes her and i really enjoy doing it.

Forshelby-good for you i bet you enjoyed some time to get some things done.

AFM-Ella has settled back into her good sleep pattern i think she was just not well for those 2 days but she slept from 6pm until 2am had a bottle than back to sleep until 7am bliss for her parents.

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there is NO WAY I could ever let my baby scream, or even anyone else's. I could never ignore my little girl, knowing that she needs me. She is too little to be manipulating me; what she needs is to be loved, held and made secure. The only thing babies need to learn is that their mummies will be there for them.

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I totally agree! With having 4 little ones sadly i cant always get to my baby quickly so i cant say i never let my baby cry :( But it makes me distressed everytime. I have worked in NICU and been a nanny and have had a baby in the house now for 7 years.... I dont EVER feel like i am being manipulated. I want all my children to grow with the basic knowledge that if they need/want their mumma i will be there!

Ferrals i dont think Audax would ever ever want to make someone feel like a bad mother! I understand what you were saying!

Yeah proberbly not it just came across that way but maybe what i was saying came across the wrong way also i hate when my babies cry when they have needles ect it does upset me then i was just saying that a lot of new mums get so worked up and distressed with a new baby crying that when they have had a few babies it does get easier i know when my 1st son cried i would get a knott in my stomach worried what was wrong but now after a few kids i still dont like when they cry but i dont feel anxious or stressed i just deal with it and i dont want people to think i am i mum who doesnt go to there kids when they cry OF COURSE I DO i just dont jump at every whimper or pick them up constantly i try to settle them if tired in bed 1st.
I have always worked and i work nights so unfortunetly i have to have my babies in a routine before i go back to work as DH works days and i have other children so i dont have the time to sit and hold or cuddle my babies off to sleep i have always got them to self settle thats just the way it is i would love to not work and have all the time in the world i just dont have that choice.
But i make up for it when i am home and my babies are awake its all about cuddles and kisses and play time maybe im to old and my old ways are different to the new gentle parenting co sleeping of today but my kids are loved unconditionaly and i spend as much time as i can with them they are all very happing loving kids i am just a believer in babies and kids sleep in their own beds unless sick and i get them into a routine so i can go to work knowing my babies are not at home screaming in distress because mum isnt there rocking them to sleep and unfortunetly babies need to learn that mummy is not always there for them sometimes nanna's and poppys or aunties and uncles or dad is there insted but thats me it works fabulously for me.
And i never used the word manipulated.

I will be away for a bit having some time off the computer it is being used to much and i need to lose this 4 kilos before i go back to work so i will use my spare time for that insted.

I'm glad you clarified ferrals. A lot of girls in this tread look up to you as an example, and I'd hate for any of them to have misunderstood what you said. I'm sorry that that makes you feel like a bad mother, but honestly, if you know in your heart that you have made the best choice for your baby, then nothing should make you feel bad.

We got needles yesterday :( I cried more than the baby did. We are having a shocker today and I am still in my jarmies. Someone is coming over to pick stuff up at 3 and the place is a disaster zone. Thank god for panadol, it is helping but we are still having a hard time.

Reet - outside is a great fixer here too! We spent ages outside yesterday! DD took all the pegs out of the peg basket over and over and over again. She also taste tested them for me.

yay ferrals my away time was great! good luck with the 4kgs. i have 6kgs to go but after kicking 15kgs in the past 12weeks im stuffed. having 4 weeks off before i go again. when are you going back to work?

Audax: DD1 still has a chipped tooth from being given pegs to play with!

Hmmm, Tegmam, thanks for the heads up! Luckily there are no teeth yet. We have these wacky hippy yellow and green ones made from recycled plastic, and I'm sure she thinks the green ones are food.

I have done away with my pregnancy weight, but I reckon I could stand to drop a few more kilos. Went for a bike ride today, just down to the shops while DH took DD for a walk in the Ergo. Was fun to do something a bit different. Have really been relying on walking and my weekly swim this far.

Weight loss... urgh! Down 2.5kg over three weeks which I think isn't bad for a cripple who can't exercise! Having a bit of a bad day with joint pains, but that's the rain for you.

Am just recovering from an overnight visit from FIL, completely unannounced and I'm just rattled. Fortunately I got Sam to day care relatively easily with none of the hysterics of the last few weeks. It seems that a separation anxiety issue has arisen out of nowhere, but I had time to take him to day care later when it's calmer and spend some time with him to help him settle in.

Have to get up and trip about all over Sydney on DH's errands shortly. And DH got a pay rise! A much-needed pay rise, finally!

BW

Hello,

Sorry for the me me post. Gee I'm getting good at these.
Just wanted to pop in and say I might not be around for a little while. Prayers are needed urgently for my nephew and sister. I'm terrified for him and I'm so worried about how my sister is holding up. My Nephew R is currently in a childrens hospital in Sydney and deteriorating. They think he has had a complication from a virus. His turning purple as he has internal bleeding and his kidneys are not working amongst other things. His all swollen like a puffer fish with fluid and can't walk because of the pain. His a challenging mister at the best of times and is beside himself. Apparently he will be sedated for tests as they can't get near him without causing large amounts of stress. The worst of it is he is going down hill rapidly and they are none the wiser as to what exactly it is so currently they can't do anything to fix him. I feel so helpless. R is 4yrs. My sister understandable is beside herself. Fortunately she has our mother who would be of great comfort and support with her. Just praying they can fix him. Obviously my concerns with J are nothing in comparison to what else is going on with the family at the moment but we saw the paed again yesterday. She has improved but is still wheezing and coughing (the cough in now dry not moist) she is to remain on ab's for another 5days but the concern is J's respiratory rate sits around 70breaths a minute and the lowest it gets is about 50 so still abov the normal range. The paed said she is still treating her as having pertussis but if there is no more improvement she is concerned she had a chronic lung disease not pertusis after all (she has always tested negative for this) I'm trying not to stress myself out as surely its just from her struggles with this bug so I'm not jumping to conclusions but SHAIT if she doesn't get better goodness knows how I'll cope. I googled the condition she is worried about and it says you usually only see it in babies with CF or AIDS. Both J doesn't have so I'm sure she doesn't have the thing the paed was concerned about. Lets hope I am right. I usually am PMSL.

Reet I'll have to go back and read your post I commented on. Must have misintpreted what you said. I thought I read you were going to see a show and leaving bubs with a friend for a little while (and felt guilty about it) thats why I said I hope you were able to enjoy yourself. Bet I read it wrong. I read so fast at the best of times I probably missed somepart of it.

Tegam great work on the weightloss how the H did you do that?

I don't let my baby scream but poor J does cry at times when it could be avoided. If she doesn't then the other kids would cry at some stage. Very hard when you need to divide yourself between them and keep a house. My little booby monster has started crying hysterically if she thinks I'm going to put her down if she doesn't want to go. Clever little thing. If I stretch my arms out like you do to put them down she bursts into a loud cry and if I pull her into me she will stop and smile. She is generally happy to go down if she is well fed and has had her attention. I think she is just reminding me she NEEDS her attention before I can place her down to get on with other stuff. I'd love to cuddle her all day but thats just not possible. I had her in the upright slinge yesterday when I went and did the food shopping and she was as happy as pig in mud (once she actually made it in the slinge that was an ordeal getting her in) she was veyr happy strapped to my chest. Poor J did start salavating. I guess if you stuck a cake in from of my nose and wouldn't let me eat it I would be the same.

Audax wonderful news on been back to your pre-pregnant weight.

Ferrals did you end up having the review of Ella's vanishing cyst? Just wondering if you did what they said! Is that it now? Its gone for good!

Tegam is that a baby tooth your DD has chipped?

BW Yeehaa on your DH payrise.

Oh Mildez.... :hug: how awful for your sister, and your poor nephew. I don't know what else to say......... be strong little guy.

Mildez... how stressful for all of you. I hope the little guy pulls through OK, I really do!

BW - great news on the payrise! And 2.5kg down is an excellent effort, crippled or not!

We just got a new washing machine. Again. Our second in as many months, and the first one we have ever paid for. The old one just wasn't standing up to the cloth nappies!