Parenting After Miscarriage or Loss - January 2010

[Michelle71]

Just home from work.

Janie You are in good hands. Your priority is to rest, take time when you can to express and think positive thoughts. Every day is a blessing but if need be your little one would be relatively safe to be born now. You know you can do this BF gig - no matter what the challenges.

Take EVERYONE up on their offers to help. Let them support you and help care for N in your own little village. You will feel less guilty and he will love the attention. Call me if you need anything Anytime.

Got to get the grizzling daughter. Thinking of you *mwah*

ETA - I would happily donate EBM if you need it. The distance is a challenge but the offer is genuine. Personally though, I think you will do just fine

[Laney]

Janie, Parker and Shelby were IUGR but they were too small to take early. Rest as much as you can and do kick counts. The more you rest the better the blood flow is to baby and the longer he/she can stay in. It sounds like your doctor is keeping a very close eye on things. Did they doppler the placenta or cord during your ultrasound?

[~Jayne~]

Oh Janie, wishing you every little ounce of fatty deposits I can muster for bubs!! I really, really, really hope you are resting & taking up all the offers of these lovely ladies & letting DH do the rest. Big hugs to you darling.

xx

[Janie]

Thanks girls. I've been awake for over an hour, but i'm being good and staying in bed (lying on my left side of course ). Thanks for reminding me Laney, they did do some flow thing during the ultrasound, i wanted to ask Deb about it....Max said something about there being some resistance in the flow to the placenta. Something about SD or something like that? It's driving me nuts that i can't remember, because i sat there at the time repeating it in my head, knowing that it was something i would want to check!

[Laney]

Janie, There is an SD ratio that is a measurement of the resistance. They will compare your values to see if the resistance increases. the fact that there is some resistance during diastole just means that your placenta is not functioning as well as it should. There is reduced blood flow as the heart relaxes. A little resistance is not enough for them to take the baby out right away. It just means that they will have to watch you closely. It sounds like that is exactly what they are doing. Some babies can make it to full term with a little resistance. They will only become more concerned if there is absent or reversed diastolic blood flow or if growth stopped all together. At that point it would be better for him/her on the outside.

I had this checked weekly with Shelby. She had reversed flow (which is the worst) for 2 months.

I found a site that explains it pretty well. http://www.fetal.com/IUGR/_umbilical2.html

[mako]

Janie. I can't say anything else other than what the others in here have said about taking everyone up on their offers of help and rest as much as you can.
Just know that I'm thinking of you and your bub

[Inanna]

Janie the gorgeous Laney has explained it well. Rest is the most important thing for you. Eat really good food, drink plenty of fluids and keep a kick chart. If you are worried about anything ring the hospital & go there.

I am praying you can keep him/her in there for a few more weeks yet. I just want to reiterate that if your baby had to be born now he/she would have very very high survival rate. So, just try and relax into that knowledge - that if he isn't doing okay he can be safely born.

I am so glad you have had offers of ebm. That really does take the heat off you. Just try and stimulate your breasts by expressing (or attempting to) when you can. When you next have a cTG ask for some pathology speci jars so you can express into them.

When is your next CTG?

I wish I could do more.

[Willow]

I would happily donate EBM if you need it. The distance is a challenge but the offer is genuine.

Me too, in a heartbeat

I'm not sure if it would be suitable for a prem but the offer is there.

[~Jayne~]

Glad to hear your resting Janie, get DH to go down & get you some DVD's, or even hire some books at the Library, to keep your backside in bed!

[Janie]

Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone! Michelle and Willow, I really wish you girls were in Mebourne, I would so be taking you up on those offers. I am so lucky though that I have someone who is willing to do it for me, I am so grateful to her (and her baby girl ).

Laney, thanks so much for that explanation, it is all making more sense to me now! And I spoke to a middie friend yesterday, after reading your post, and we talked about it some more, so I think I grasp the basics now. I hate not knowing, I like to be as informed and prepared as possible. Oh, that link was really good too . I am so sorry though that you have had to endure what you did to have this information

Deb, I am so appreciative of all of your wonderful posts, I have read them all, and some have made me cry (happy tears). The info is fantastic! And thank you so much for your PM too, your numbers are now stored in my phone .

Jayne, I have been lent some DVDs, and I already have a nice pile of books to read. Of course, it's hard to read while DS is around LOL but watching TV is a little easier. I save the books for nighttime, or when he is not here. Fortunately I don't have to stay in bed, but the couch is where I have to park my bum! Thanks hun.

I know it is so worth it, but I am SO over having to lie on my left side all night. Never mind that DH and I keep waking in the night for hours, and lie there worrying and talking about things. It is really good to talk about it, but DH doesn't know what to say alot of the time. He does talk, he's just not sure what worries him most etc, there is so much going through his mind. But I'm really happy, I was hoping to continue with our Calmbirth classes for now, as we both found the first one really relaxing, informative and helpful. Last night he asked me if we could still go, as he really wants to! LOL, he was sceptical about them before we went! So I'm sure lots of people will think we're crazy, but we don't care, it's important to us.

I feel much better having had a vent yesterday, although I am trying not to spend too much time with Michelle in her special place, and crowd her out (de-nile ). It's oh so tempting, but I have too much I need to prepare for, and stuff to get others to do for me LOL.

I'd better head off and get ready for the day, DH has had to work this morning, and we are to go in for a CTG at some stage, so I need to ring the labour ward and see when they want us. So the shower beckons LOL!. Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday xoxo

[Lee]

Hi girls,

Janie - I've been reading, and just wanted to offer you my special thoughts and good baby growing vibes. You sound so amazing in your last post, so prepared and calm at the possibility of meeting your bub earlier than expected. I pray all goes as smoothly as possible, very relieved you are in good hands with your ob, let us know how your scan goes today. I'm sorry I can't offer you more, but the tyranny of distance, just know we are here for you to the best of our capacity. Sounds like you have some good support which is so important.

Hi to everyone else - just having a quiet-ish weekend, about to hire a tennis court to knock a ball around with DS 10 though..... he keeps telling me his serve is "exactly the same as Federa" lol !!! I love his confidence!

Love to all xoxo

[Michelle71]

You can stay with me in De-nile anytime you want But I understand you need to spend more time outside in the scary place to get a few things sorted.

Personally, I think continuing with the Calmbirth teaching is a fabulous idea - and I am very proud DH has seen the benefit. He is a good man At this time it is critical that you can use the skills you are being taught to take away / manage some of the stress surrounding the next few weeks so you can enjoy the moments. I know that sounds odd but there are some very beautiful positives it may be able to help you focus on - those movements, the shape of your tummy, the special time before the little one arrives. If this is to be your last pregnancy you want to fill it with positive images, not just the scary ones

I am a very short flight away if you need me, and an even shorter distance if you want me on the phone

Off to work to *buy money* (in the words of DS ) again but on the phone should anyone want to visit me And De-nile is quite pleasant ATM 5 sleeps to go ..............

[BekZ]

Just popping into let you know I've been reading and to let you know I am here.

Janie and Michelle - You are both in my thoughts and prayers a lot lately.

Willow - All the best with first day of school tomorrow.

Hugs to all and thanks to Willow and Jayne for offering your advice on Miss Eva's sleep issues..means so much

[jlk]

Janie - thinking of you, xoxoxox

AFM - just under 2 weeks till i see the OB

[kellym]

Janie - I'm so impressed at how great you sound in your last post and hope the CTG goes well today. Remember I'm right here and am sooooo happy to help. I've got absolutely nothing on tomorrow so will give you a call and see if I can come and help you (that is if you haven't already got some help for the day). I'm happy to pick up some food and cook some dinner for you guys?? Or just keep N occupied for a while. Whatever you need hun.

Michelle - I'm lovin the sound of De-nile and think I might have to join you there when we finally get another BNP!!!

Lee - LOL at DS... and good luck returning his serve!!!

AFM - Have had a pretty good weekend and am very happy to finally be sorting out our house. We've put the spare bed together and started sorting out the guest room ready for our first visitors in two and a half weeks. Can't wait. We're also sorting out the spare room which will hopefully become the nursery soon enough. Trying to stay positive about that. Well... we really are getting back into this damn TTC thing again.. LOL.. but I'm still really nervous and had a bit of bleeding this morning.. only light pink but still... I'm worried we're going at it too soon after the D&C. Sorry if that's TMI but its so nice to be able to talk about it with people that understand!!! But then again, the OB said it was ok and I'm reading a lot about how some people think you're even more fertile after m/c, so I'm praying like mad we can get a BFP super quickly.. surely we deserve that after everything!! Would be a miracle though I think, so not going to get my hopes up.

Hope everyone is well and Janie, please rest up and please call me if you need anything at all. I'll give you a call later this avo anyway!!

Kel xxx

[Lee]

Kelly - I forgot to say to you that after my D&C back in August 07, AF returned 6 weeks later exactly, I fell pg the next cycle, but it was a chemical, and the next cycle I fell again (December) and had Remy the following August - so prepare yourself (which I know you are!) as you could be pg again in no time if you are actively trying. I saw no point in waiting, I wanted a baby and was hell bent on having one after so much sadness. I got what I wanted, twice over now good luck hun xox

Managed to return one of two of "Federa's" serves

Lee xo

[Janie]

Well, after an hour and a half on the ctg, we need to go back again tomorrow. It wasn't a bad trace, but it wasn't textbook. We didn't get the two accelerations we needed, so they checked with max who said we could go home, but have to go back in tomorrow. I'm starting to think i should do some reading on caesars

[kellym]

Oh Janie... sending you heaps and heaps of big hugs. I'm thinking of you constantly and praying that your little one can stay inside for as long as possible!! I'm also praying you don't have to go down the caesar path but I guess at the end of the day, we do what's best for bubs.

Will call you tomorrow.

Kel xxxx