Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March/April 2010
Welcome to Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss. In this thread you will find women who are navigating the sometimes difficult but joyous challenge of parenting after saying goodbye. This can throw up many challenges and in here you will find friendship and a safe place to share your experiences.
I know that many of our regular members of this thread are having very difficult times at the moment - I hope we can continue to be supportive & hopeful in times that sometimes are very difficult. Welcome to our new members - it is always wonderful to have new members to share this journey.
Janie we are all here supporting you as you welcome Daniel home after his early birth & Lisa recovering from birthing her new baby daughter Natalya we celebrate this wonderful time with you both! Mako it is with heavy hearts that we also support you through the loss of your Angel - our prayers, thoughts & friendship are with you & yours...
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Here's wishing each and every one of you, a happy and easy going parenting journey after a difficult ride to get there!
Spring - poor babe - your body will adjust to the new regime, the first week is always the hardest. Hang in there, it's well worth it - food is over-rated anyway By the way I am RIGHT NOW eating my last piece of chocolate...... as of tomorrow I'm on Tony Fergusson! Thanks for your kind words lastnight - I have to see the infant nurse this week for Flynn's 4 month check up, and I'll ask her about a good counsellor. I would ask my GP, but I don't like him much, I think I'm at the point I need to bounce things off a wise neutral party.
Oh girls - for those of us, and it's most of us - who have babes that don't sleep all night - you will laugh at this - my MIL is VERY French - which also means VERY opinionated (spl???) it's always a case of me sacrasticly thinking "well tell me what you really think" lol.......... for me with all of my experiences, mostly it's water off a duck's back iykwim, not much gets to me anymore, especially what others think.......... anyway today's latest 'opinion' from her is "all French babies sleep through the night at 4 months old" - ye gods, sometimes a comeback is hard to muster - well my kid is half french and he wakes once, sometimes twice.......
Anyway, not much to report, I think I got through today without crying, which is a nice change........
Hope you are all doing well and had good weekends.
Sweetheart... I getcha!
I've been keeping quiet but I am also on the weightloss "treadmill" scuse the pun!
I've lost 13.7kgs & I have another 7.3kgs to go to be back to 57kgs... (that's what I was when I got married & I figured I've gone full circle! )
It's tough in the beginning. Now, I truly find it hard to eat too much... Every Sunday I have a treat day & tonight I had a Magnum that I couldn't even finish...
You will get there my darling. It's all going to come off & you're head will get in the right place. When you're really hungry drink a big glass of water (not cold)... A cuppa tea (but I'm a cuppa freak - I believe it solves many of life's woes!)
I have thrown away all my size 14's... I am back to size 12-10 (if I breathe hard!) we will get there...
Deb: you go girl!!! 13.7 is freaking awesome. I'm very proud of you. Do share your secret babe. Good advice on the water and tea. I just had a cuppa. Why Is cold water bad? 57kgs is insane, I think I was born 57kg
Lee: if only your French MIL could hear how loud I'm laughing. Doesn't she know that in the Aussie baby manual they are required to give their mummies snuggles through the night for a long while after 4 months. Well at least that's the manual my boys came with. On a serious note, I'm glad you've had a better day.
ETA: I've got the ticker now, I guess that makes it official.
My secret is low low carb... I haven't had a slice of toast in so long...
I honestly don't crave them any more. I have followed BodyTrim... I was on Atkins and lost some weight well with that. But BT gives me more flexibility. I don't do well with meal substitutes as I am a bit of a foodie and I love fresh food/organic produce... I've tweaked the BT to suit myself. But truly it's been great.
The key is something that best suits you. All of us have different needs & finding the one that suits you is important.
Cold water can give you cramps if you're hungry...
Lee, I wish that I had something insightful to say. All I can offer is and my own experiences. I had a stepdad when I was a teen. He didn't take much interest in me. I know that it must have been hard on him too. My mom made the mistake of never encouraging a relationship there. All I know is that even with all of the conflict in our house I did still want him to take an interest in me. I think the fact that he didn't made me argue with him more. Maybe it would be a good thing if the whole family saw a councilor together.
MAKO _ Thanks for remembering!! Yep, we jet out of here on Friday night, I can't wait, but after counting up that we have 20 hours of flying time coming up in the next 3 weeks, I kinda lose faith. LOL. We go to Beijing for 8 nights, then over to Hong Kong for 6 nights with 3 of those nights at the Disneyland Resort - so we have lots of flights coming up but lots of fun as well. I'm super-excited that my man flies in tonight as well. Only second time I have seen him this year! The kids don't know, because he won't get in until after midnight, I haven't told them, so tomorrow morning there are going to be squeals of delight! I have started packing & right now am downloading 640 pics from my camera so I can have a clean memory stick. So sorry that you're feeling crap, we are all here for you, so vent away!
Just wanted to run something by you all. I could be posting this somewhere else but don't want a whole separate thread about it and I respect your opionons...so now I'm rabitting on and will just get to the point:
I posted a few weeks ago that I'd made a friend at school, one of the other mums. Was pretty happy about it at the time because I was getting the cold shoulder from everyone else (even the mums we'd been to preschool with for 2 years ) and it's really nice to have someone to chat to every morning and afternoon. She has been to my house once and done some really nice things for us. But I'm finding every now and then a red flag will pop up. She will say things that don't quite sit right with me. For example today... We found out one of the mums at school is pregnant. Lovely. This afternoon at school she said to me "I don't know how she managed to get pregnant. She is SO ugly.' Ultra sensitive topic for me I know...but am I over reacting?? Here's another one...we were walking out the gate and she said to another mum "Hello! I didn't recognise you!" then as we're walking away she mutters to me "I can't believe the way some people let themselves go after having kids".
Do you agree, that these are just really nasty, mean spirited things to say? Just totally uncalled for??
My dilemna is this - do I take a massive step back and decide that I don't want this person to become a friend of mine because of a few nasty comments she's made? Or am I over analysing things like I normally do - this is just a mum at school who I chat with in the mornings. She doesn't have to be my bestie iykwim?
What do you guys think? It's been playing o my mind for a week or so. I guess I'm really thinking about it because we're supposed to be organising some play dates for the girls during the holidays so I kinda want to make up my mind whether or not I should pull back a bit. I can be a bit judgemental and it's something I'm trying to work on so I've lost a bit of perspective on this one
Last edited by Willow; March 30th, 2010 at 07:34 PM.
WILLOW _ Is this school mummy super-hot & super-good looking to be able to pass judgements like that in the first place? I would def be seeing red flags as well, maybe next time she passes a remark about the mother 'letting herself go', you could say something like 'don't we all?' because quite honestly, don't we all? LOL. As with the thing about the mummy getting pregnant & her saying she is too ugly to be having sex, that is just downright rude & I have no comeback for that one. Does V really like the child? Is the child nice? It's a really tough one, like you said, it's just a school friend, she doesn't need to be your next best friend, but if the kids are playing happily & she doesn't give you the red flag ALL the time, I'd probably just roll with it for a while longer. Does this make any sense?
Willow I'd maybe distance myself just a little bit and see what happens. Like Jayne said are your kids really good friends? If so just let it slide a bit or think of a clever but not nasty comment back kwim? I really don't think people should pass judgement on others but I know that's easier said than done and tbh I think those types of comments are very harsh and rather nasty. Anyway that probably hasn't helped at all
Kelly Thinking of you hun and am hoping like crazy that little bub of yours is doing all the right things tomorrow at your scan
Jayne I'm sure you're all going to have a wonderful time away. Can't wait to hear all about it when you get home.
kelly, thinking of you tomorrow. I hope everything looks great.
Willow, Those are some very nasty comments. I guess with any friendship there are going to be some things you don't really like about the other person. If she has been kind to you and your family I don't think it is something to avoid her over. Just let her know in your own way that you don't care to talk about people like that. I think if you let her know in a respectful way that you will remain friends.
AFM, It was really low BP making me dizzy. It was 100/64 yesterday after wrestling with Grayson in the waiting room for a half hour. I am starting some progesterone gel to help keep my cyst under control. If it gets too big I will be in lots of pain again and I would like to avoid that. I decided that I was going to make a ticker! I thought that it would help me stay more positive. 3 weeks until my next ultrasound.
Last edited by Laney; March 31st, 2010 at 05:09 AM.
Re: Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March/April 2010
Just a quick one here. At the IL's on the iPhone. Both kids sick - Lily for a week now but she was getting better. Until last night Febrile, flat and a sleepy Velcro baby. They both have middle ear infections and are now on antibiotics. Just waiting for me (and the rest of the clan) to succumb to a virus too.
Lisa - so pleased you are home with your girls (and boy!!)
Jayne - fly safe. I completely understand the distance feeling with DH though. Some days it feels like we are speaking a different language.
Hi lovelies - sorry in advance for the 'me post' - but saw the health nurse today, and to cut a long story short, she thinks I def have PND, and has given me a number of a local parenting centre who apparently has good support on hand - will give them a call after Easter. At the moment, I'm back to feeling overwhelmed and crappy most of the time. I told my DH, who said "he wasn't surprised" - but has not offered any great pearlers since - I guess he's a typical male who if cannot find a solution, pretends there no problem. The nurse suggested to me to spend a few nights in the Mother & Baby unit here, but tbh how the hell can I organise to disappear for a few days. She said this is a better solution that me falling in a heap and the family then noticing - I'm too tired to think about it any more today.... off to bed - but thought I'd update you all - thanks for your support.
Jaynie - have a bl--dy great time in China xoxoxo
Spring - noticed your NEW NAME immediately......... whats the go?? You'll always be spring to me even though you are SUPER
Lee: what a huge day you've had Hun. I just want to reach out and give you a big cuddle. I'm so glad you spoke to the nurse and you have a plan of attack. Here for whatever you need.
Michelle: oh babe, sickness sucks! I hope you are all better soon
Freya: I'm sorry Hun, I meant to ask in my previous post about the adorable Stellan. Even though he is now one, he is still your baby.
Lv Spring xx
ETA: don't worry about the name change. It's temporary check out all the mod's sig. Spring will be back soon
Just popping in to wish my beautiful friends a very Happy Easter, I hope you enjoy the day with your precious children
We are having a quiet day. Mum and Dad stayed home this year and the kids and I are sick - poor Bubba D is very unwell, fevers, runny nose, cough etc etc. We were going to take them out to Windsor for lunch, will see how Bub wakes up after his nap. He slept with me last night like a hot little rock beside me
Lee - Hang in there babe, I know it's hard right now but things will get better. You've taken the first, most important step. Keep talking to us too, we are always, always here to listen and support you.
Michelle - I hope your munchkins are feeling better today. Like you, I'm waiting to be struck down, can feel it on it's way. Hoping the big two keep it at bay.
I'm not on FB anymore, closed down my account (but not before I saw your pics Lisa ) but you'll always find me here
I was so very sad to read of the news of Bondi Girl (Mikayla) I'm sure we can all imagine the pain she must have been in. What a tragedy, especially for her DH and family I hope she is resting in peace with her babies in her arms.
Last edited by Willow; April 4th, 2010 at 09:02 AM.
Re: Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March/April 2010
Thank you girls Your words mean so much. I am a shattered shell. Still disbelieving with my heart broken and my soul ripped out. We are in Orange still.
The world still turns and the children still play. I am placing one foot in front of the other. One second at a time. My other half has gone. I need to find an inner strength to raise three babies on my own. To live. But right now I merely exist. My world in pieces.
Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ March/April 2010
By the way I am RIGHT NOW eating my last piece of chocolate...... as of tomorrow I'm on Tony Fergusson! Thanks for your kind words lastnight - I have to see the infant nurse this week for Flynn's 4 month check up, and I'll ask her about a good counsellor. I would ask my GP, but I don't like him much, I think I'm at the point I need to bounce things off a wise neutral party.
- ye gods, sometimes a comeback is hard to muster 
Sweetheart... I getcha!
scuse the pun!
)
) and it's really nice to have someone to chat to every morning and afternoon. She has been to my house once and done some really nice things for us. But I'm finding every now and then a red flag will pop up. She will say things that don't quite sit right with me. For example today... We found out one of the mums at school is pregnant. Lovely. This afternoon at school she said to me "I don't know how she managed to get pregnant. She is SO ugly.' 
Febrile, flat and a sleepy Velcro baby. They both have middle ear infections and are now on antibiotics. Just waiting for me (and the rest of the clan) to succumb to a virus too.
Janie. I hope you have a wonderful day with all your boys 
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