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Okay Michelle you've had a really big day honey - I just want you to know if I could jump on a plane to cuddle you I would. :cry:
Let me understand. Do you know what your bloods were? Did Omar have a nasal bone?
The nuchal thickness is the BEST indicator - remember your age has also bought the numbers down...
If you need me or want to talk to me anytime you know that. :hug:
Michelle, you know how upset for you I am :hug:. You have been in my thoughts all afternoon, DH is shattered for you too :(. I too am praying like mad that all is well with Omar, and this is just a glitch in the road to holding your healthy baby, as you said. I can only imagine just how difficult the next weeks are going to be for you both.........we are all here to hold your hand, listen to you vent and work out your emotions. I am here any time you want/need to chat.
I hope you didn't think I was downplaying how scary this is for you......I'm not, it's bl00dy horrible, and a scary road. But it can be good to focus on those positives too, as I know you will. The nuchal fold is a normal thickness, and there is a 57 in 58 chance that all is well with your beautiful baby!
Lots of love and hugs from me xoxo
Nasal bones unable to be viewed due to a recalcitrant child refusing to assume the position :rolleyes: free BHCG 3.1, PAPP-A 0.66 - one up and one down.
Spoke with the OB who doesn't seem too concerned due to the actual measurement and reassured me that a 0.33 MoM result for PAPP-A resulted in poor foetal outcomes and foetal growth issues, not the one I have.
And yes - I am now officially old ;)
Deb - you may just get that call :hug:
ETA - Thanks Janie :hug: I am going to need that positive thinking over the next few weeks. And give Dh a big hug from me and say thank you to him too *mwah*
Oh Michelle...this was not the news I was hoping for but all is not lost, let's just focus on that for now. I remember there was a girl in my baby buddies group for D who went through this after her NT scan and everything turned out just fine. It was an awful ordeal for her and like Janie I am not downplaying the significance of your results honey, but trying to stay positive :hug:
Like Deb said, your age alone will bring your numbers down. I remember how shocked I was at the difference in my stats from the time I had V (I was 25) to D's pregnancy (30). I know you know all this, but just trying to offer some comfort.
Maybe today was extra cloudy cause Caitlyn knew it was gonna be a rough day :hug:
We're about due for some good news in here, stay strong :hug:
Like I said to you before, we are all behind you 100%! Im so mad that your having to go through this, but I am positive that it will all be ok. Like the others have said, everything overall points to good outcomes so that is something to focus on. No matter what the outcome or what you decide we are here for you :hug:
I've got an Ob appt (and my GCT) in the morning, so I'm hoping that I can bring a very small amount of good news to the table tomorrow. Hoping like mad that we think this bub is growing well (I do have a good feeling :), as opposed to a couple of weeks ago) and that I don't have to see him for another 4 weeks :pray:.
Thanks girls :grouphug: The next few weeks are going to be rough .......... unless I go back to the river De-Nile :think: Sounds like an option at the moment. I feel like an ostrich ;)
I just wanted to enjoy this pregnancy in case it was our last - not spend the second trimester in a state of anxiety waiting for results of one sort or another!!! And I was hoping to announce it to the world - not happening now until we have a formal direction :wall:
Oh Michelle.. what a rough day. You've been in my thoughts and I was praying for some more good news in here to keep lifting the spirits. My prayers are with you. I wish there was more that I could say or do to help you through this difficult time. Just know that I'm thinking of you and praying that all is perfectly fine with Omar. We're all here for you. Sending you some massive hugs... wish I could be there in person... god knows I need quite a few of them right now too!
Mako - I hope you're ok hun... and I wish that we didn't have to go through all this. I'm sending you heaps of big hugs too... we both certainly do need them! I'm so thankful that I have all you guys but at the same time.. you're all so amazing and I hate that you've all had to go through this!
Janie - OMG.. third trimester.. soooo exciting! Thanks for saying everything you said.. I honestly hope that I don't find it difficult seeing you and your very gorgeous belly because I think I'm going to need you!!! I'm pretty sure I'll be fine... for some reason it makes all the difference that you've experienced a loss aswell and because of that.. I'm truely happy and excited for you, so there's no 'awkward' feelings about it. KWIM? It's weird but it makes sense in my crazy head so don't worry!!
Well... I've had an extremely lazy day sitting on the couch and it's just what I've needed. Still feel very sad and can't really be bothered doing anything but I'm going to try really hard to turn that around over the next few days.. I have to remember I'm on holidays and need to try and make the most of it. I don't know how I'm going to do that but I'll try. The other thing getting to me right now is that I can't swim. I'm staying at Mum's and she's got a fantastic pool... it's 39 degrees and going to be even hotter over the weekend.. DS is LOVING the pool and wants to be in there all day long.. and I can't go in becuase of the D&C. Apparently I have to stay out of the pool for a week... just great. I'm already sick of sitting on the edge of the pool saying "sorry darling.. Mummy can't go in the water just yet"... I know it's not a big deal but it's frustrating and just another small thing to remind me of what has happened and what we've lost.
Oh god.. I really need to stop all this whinging.. I'm so sorry guys. I just don't have anywhere else to turn right now.
Kel xxx
Keep whinging Kel :hug: It's what we are here for - and I wish I could give you a real hug too xx
Oh Kelly, whinge all you like hun. We all certainly understand! I know what you mean about your head (and heart ;)) 'allowing' certain things......that's what I meant when there's sometimes no rhyme or reason. Please feel free to be upfront with me, if that's what it takes. I don't want to leave you alone, when you don't have a big support network here :hug:. Of course you're spewing you can't go in the pool!!!!!!! How annoying. And of course, another daily reminder of what you're going through. Enjoy your holidays hun, but don't forget to leave some time for yourself to grieve, especially while you have all that support around you. I hope tomorrow is a nice day for you, and not too difficult :hug:
Michelle, De-Nile sounds good hey? But you are unfortunately too well versed in these matters to go there now I think ;). I thought you might be spewing about holding off your announcement........I'm sorry you're going through this, it's so unfair :(.
Oh honey I am really really really feeling for you :hug:
Those ratios are not horrible love - and yes the Papp-A is good.
How many weeks are you? Have you thought about a CVS? I know the risk is higher - but that does depend on the specialist... It will give you an answer sooner... If you get a FSH is should be back in 24 hours if you pull strings and it's marked Cat1...
Just a thought amidst dinner delights here - just got hit with a bowl of chicken mash... :wall: BBS
Michelle... :hug: Afraid that's all I've got at the moment - headache stealing all my sensible words. Will be praying that things work out ok.
BW
I in the middle of crazy hour here. Michelle - oh hun I can only imagine what you are feeling or thinking atm. My heart goes out to you and your DH. :hug:
bbl xxoo
Thanks girls :grouphug:
Deb - we did consider the CVS but there are a few *issues* :rolleyes: The first is that I am on aspirin - a relative risk that the OB was prepared to ignore. The next is a very retroverted uterus with a fundal / posterior placenta - OF COURSE :wall: the only bl00dy time my placenta is posterior!!!!
They looked at doing it at the U/S place today but there was no way of getting to it either abdominally or vaginally. The U/S place would do the amnio of the 27th with FSH results in 1-2 days but the OB explained why he waits until 16w and I am happy to follow his lead related to the joining of the chorion and decreasing the risk of tearing and leakage. Results will be in 1-2 days as well but unfortunately there is a weekend in the middle :rolleyes:
Feeling like I have been cursed in the Universe :( Why do I need another *test* of my endurance???
HI Girls,
I'm at my parents for dinner, so I have to be quick, but everybody here needs a giant BB hug to get us all through. Kelly & Michelle in particular, my thoughts are with you both. I really, really, really hope things are on the upside very soon & Michelle, I'm always here for you, even though I'm a scatter brain with medical issues. Also, Kel, I'm literally a quick drive down the road, so you just let me know if I can do ANYTHING!
Love you all girls!
xx
I agree, group hugs all around in here.
Michelle - I'm sorry you have to deal with this aswell, as if you were not anxious enough. I've unfortunately been entirely in your shoes - my initial NT scan put me at 1:37 (2.3mm thickness at 38 years), then combined with the bloodwork it was 1:10 - it was a shocking time, really horrible, so I feel for you - however your results in my book are not that bad. I've seen SO many ladies with similar results to your, and I'd say 99% of them go on to have healthy bubs. I was sadly the 1% with not a good outcome - I won't dwell on this at the current time - but just know that I'm behind you 100% and understand the worry and the horrible waiting. My instict is telling me very loudly that your bub is fine, I mean that. If you want to ask me anything anytime, you know where I am.
Lee xo
Okay Michelle well that makes it challenging... I have had amnios as you know (not Immy just for those that don't know..) - I had mine just a smidge under 15 weeks. But 16 weeks is the usual time. It is as you know dependent on the amniotic fluid etc etc...
Well we can all wait with you. And we will... :hug: We can pray that little Omar has all his chromosomes in the right places, with the right numbers. That's all that anyone can do for now.
I just want to assure you those numbers are not horrendous. I have seen far worse with normal chromosomes.
The decisions I hope will be made with a normal analysis... That's my prayer. If not, we are here to support you whatever you and your husband choose. Know that this is a judgement free zone - where you are safe to talk about your fears and your journey.
I donm't know why this curve ball has been thrown - it is not making sense that it's been made such a challenge. Hopefully soon this will be a memory & Omar will be fine & the remainder of your pregnancy will be uneventful... :hug:
MIchelle hun, the ladies have all said it but I'm saying it again. I am here for you 100% through this. I hope and pray with all my body and soul that Omar is doing just fine and this is nothing more than a bit of a scare to test you. I don't know why you are going through this, it just doesn't seem fair and it makes me angry that such a beautiful woman is facing this. As Deb said, this is a judgement free zone. Many of us (me included) have had to consider the possibility that our cherished bubs have chromosonal abnormalities and the challanges that arise. Whatever the case hun, I am here 24/7. I only hope I can support you as wonderfully as you've supported me :grouphug:
Kelly: Vent away hun, you have every right to feel angry that you can't go swimming. I've been thinking of you heaps and I'm glad to hear that you've been taking it easy. :comfort:
BBL when I'm more together.
Lv Spring xx
Janie: congrats on making it to the 3rd trimester
Michelle: i'm sorry i have no advice but i wanted to send you alot of :hug: your way
Kelly: vent away hun we're all here for you :hug:
Michelle honey :hug: I was hoping for some better news miss, especially when I heard on the news Sydney was in the midst of a wonderful storm which I hope has brought you some assurance. I can only imagine your distress and heartbreak at thinking of the possibilites and the 'what if's'. Know that we are here for you and of course without any judgement my friend. Im just :pray: that you dont have to ponder these possibilies and that all this becomes a distant memory once your results come back. In the meantime, lean on us - let us help you carry your burden.
Kelly - sweety whinge away, your allowed, that is what we are here for.
I think the Universe is having a bad week, think we all need to light some candles and give something back to make her happy again so she can bless our friends with healthy pregnancies, babies and watch over our earthside children.
Good night and special hugs all around xx
Michelle The girls have said it all hun. Just know that I too am here for you 24/7 if you need. I'm sorry for my text to you yesterday. I was so upset that a very good friend of mine was having to endure this test after being tested more than enough :hug:
How is your DH holding up? Give him a :hug: from me too. We all know how hard these things are on everyone involved :comfort:
Whatever the outcome you have my support 100% and I'm hoping like crazy this is just a little hurdle for you and all will be just perfect in the long run.
Kel I feel for you hun with the swimming..I was exactly the same as we went on our annual 2 week(12 days after we eventually got away) holiday 2 days after my M/C and we were at a place which has the beach and a creek which Sage loved to swim in every single day we were there. Luckily for him he had his Pop and Nan and his Daddy to take him but I felt so sad that I wasn't able to get in with him too. It wasn't until the very last day we were there I was finally able to take him once everything finally stopped for me. Anyway just wanted to let you know that what you're feeling is "normal" and wanted to give you another :hug:
Janie I hope your appointment goes really well today and that bub of yours has been behaving him/herself and has been growing nicely ;)
Mako - don't be sorry for your text :hug: I was more than happy to get it.
Girls - your love and support has had me in tears. Again :( DH and I spent a lot of last night talking. He was at work yesterday and I was so angry with him for not dropping everything and coming to me when I rang him with the results. He was just as shocked as I was and didn't even think that I would need him to be there when discussing the options with the OB :wall: He feels horrible now that he realises what he has done but it made the first few hours together a little tense - to say the least. Especially when at one stage he said maybe we shouldn't go ahead with the amnio :rolleyes: Oh yes, make me feel better about the decision to shove a needle in my belly and risk the safety of Omar to get an answer.
Our conclusion at this stage is that we will progress with the pregnancy regardless of the outcome of the amnio. We took so long to get pregnant and prayed that we would be blessed with children - and we have. It is hypocritical for us to now declare that we only want them if they are *perfect*. We have been given this challenge for a reason. Not sure what that is right now but there must be a purpose. A reason for testing our strength and our love. I have to think this because at the moment it is all I have.
Considering so many have lost their babies recently, we should continue to feel blessed that our little Omar is growing strong. The results aren't confirmed and there are many positives - particularly the nuchal thickness. I have a few things to cling to.
Our main concern is the health, wellbeing and life that we can offer our little people that are already here with us. We worry that the decision we make will have a negative impact on them. They will (potentially) miss out on things if we have a high need child. And is that fair to them?? But on the other hand, they won't know any differently and it is up to us to ensure they are loved and supported as they grow - regardless of what curve balls are sent our way.
For the selfish part - what about me?!?!?!? If we have a high needs baby my options for returning to work are limited and I love my job :( This is such a difficult road .......
Anyway - enough rambling. It is just random thoughts going round and round. The reality is I may not even need to worry about it. But right now we need a plan if it is more than a risk and once we have the answer we can spend the rest of the pregnancy preparing to welcome Omar home - regardless of the outcome.
It sounds like you have spent a lot of time reflecting darling heart. :hug:
I understand very much your concerns from both sides. :hug:
Do you feel you have made a firm decision now? :hug:
Michelle Whatever the outcome is and whatever decision you and DH decide is best for you both and your family will be the right one for you all. You are a wonderful Mummy and your children are very lucky little people who will not be disadvantaged in any way possible.
Concentrate on all the positive things you can and lean on us whenever you need hun. You are surrounded by people in here who do love you and will support you in any way we possibly can as you have supported us in our times of need :hug:
As for your job....hun lets cross that bridge when and if the time comes.For now keep talking to little Omar and tell him/her how much s/he is loved and wanted :comfort:
I'm so sorry you had to go to both appointments alone hun. I'm sure your DH won't let that happen again ;)
Michelle,
I just wrote a long and profound (I'd like to think) message and the stupid thing got lost.
So, in short, I know exactly what you are going through and fully understand. No matter what happens we will all be here for you. No judgement, no critisism.
Having been brought up with special need kids since I was 3, I do appreciate how the family unit can be affected. I remember having very negative thoughts at times when I was growing up.
But we are all different and must each travel our own path.
We will help you with the journey NO MATTER WHAT.
Love and hugs,
Debbie
Just a very quick one from me, i'll update properly when home. Things aren't bad, but they're not good either. Michelle, you are in my thoughts :hug:. We will all respect your decision, it is YOURS after all. But don't feel you need to make one now, you may find that your feelings change on a daily basis atm. It's okay to go with that, and use this time of waiting to work out how you feel. Massive hugs my friend xoxo
oh Janie whats up?? I hope you are ok
Michelle - your post resonated with me. My DH and I struggled over our decision. I reiterate with others have said - this is a decision between you and your DH and your family, what is right or not for you - it's just so individual, people are so different with a monumental/ethical/emotional issue such as this - and I honestly don't think it will come to that for you anyway, Omar is fine I'm sure. But I understand your need to find a comfortable spot for it, get it clear in you heart and head. My DH and I made the heartbreaking choice to not continue with the pregnancy, this was only a few months after we had lost Luc, so we very much thought the Universe was out to get us. But for us the decision, although heartbreaking, was the right one for us. We felt we were older, so less able/willing to take on a special needs child, and we were also concerned for other other children. I'm only telling you this to share, not to try and sway your thinking. I'm sure some thought I was evil for making this choice, and others went along with me - I don't talk about this very much. And when I fell pregnant with Remy and went for the NT Scan - I had already decided that if she had problems I would definately continue with the pregnancy - now, this may make me a hypocrite - but it just reminds us that one right decision at one time, is not the right decision at another. I'm pretty sure I'm waffling - but I just wanted to say I don't think you would be a hypocrite to make a hard call just because it took you so long to get pregnant. Any child born is a blessing, I hope you are finding some peace right now.... hugs.... Lee xo
Janie - was typing previous post - what's happened, are you and bubs okay? With the exception of our Bun and her new man, It's been a crappy week in here girls..........xoxoxo
Janie i hope you are ok
:
Lee :hug:
Oh Janie now you have me all stressed... Please please please come in & tell us as soon as you can. Big big cuddles my love. :hug:
What a lovely post Lee & I feel sure that it will warm Michelle when she reads it.
I understand Lee fully your thought processes and decisions that you made... I also support them... :hug:
When I was pregnant with DS, DD2 & DD3 I had amniocentesis. I chose this as I worked around this & I had a real "fear" of having a child with trisomy 21. I am not sure why I was so fearful but I was. Largely it had to do with knowing Mr Wonderful has a morbid fear of "difference" & I knew he would not cope. I made the decision that if there was an abnormality I would interrupt the pregnancy. They were all fine. My DD that became an angel and her subsequent brother & sisters all had great NT results so I chose not to do an amnio. The same with Immy... However, I had already decided before the NT that whatever the results with her pregnancy I would continue. I felt for me that I was challenged to roll with the punches and not try and hold on so tight to perfection (this is only relevant to me - being a nurse, anal and a virgo - I like to know what's around the corner... :lol:)...
It is often ironic to me that now I am faced with the very real probability that Imogen has a chromosomal abnormality...
I have been challenged greatly by this - from lots of levels. However, she is who she is - and she is my girl. I have days when I think... Bahh there's nothing wrong"... Days when I know there is something "wrong" & I catch myself projecting a whole future for her... However to me she is perfect & of course she is - she is who she is.
However, I balance that with this is what my journey is - it's this for a reason & I will do it the best I can.
So, like Lee I would have made different decisions at different stages of my life. I will think Michelle you will go through lots of feelings and jump from decision to decision. It is okay. :hug:
It is also okay to choose what is right for you. So, I hope in sharing you can hear that at least 2 of us have made a choice - and both were different at different times.
I just wish darling heart that I could hug you, sit with you and just be with you. I am very very teary writing this as my heart is breaking for the pain and confusion you are feeling.
Just know darling that this is going to be whatever it is - and you have us here with you. :hug:
As Lee said there is a very big chance that Omar is chromosomally fine. He is what he is... :hug:
I don't even know what to say anymore :( We're certainly not having a good time of it hey beautiful ladies?? (apart from the beautiful Mr Joshua of course!).
Janie - You've freaked me out, please come in as soon as you can and let us know what's happening :hug:
Michelle - Just dropping you another :hug: cause I don't really know what else I can say :(
I am lost for words to Willow :hug:
Deb - you are beautiful and inspirational, and I hope to meet you one day :hug:
Oh golly, i'm so sorry! We're okay, really, bad wording on my part, just trying not to stress. I will jump on in 15 minutes or so and update.
Hey ladies, sorry about all of that. I was feeling a bit stressed and *****ty, but couldn't read Michelle's post without replying.
So, baby is still small, which is okay. Not great, but it's probably *just* a small baby. We will go back in two weeks, have a scan and see Ob. He wants me to go back on aspirin until 36 weeks, to ensure good flow to the baby. Try really hard not to sleep on my back etc. He says he is not worried, but doesn't want to miss anything.........you know, get down the track and wish we'd monitored more closely.
He also thinks that what I had yesterday was ctx, so he's asked me to watch closely, and if it happens again to start on a script he's given me. He didn't go on too much about it, but both DH and I get the feeling he thinks I'm going to go early. Our goal for now is 32 weeks, he absolutely does not want the baby to come before then. Obviously getting to term is ideal, so we'll keep reviewing after 32 weeks.
I would love to post more, but have DH doing renos, and a boy who wants someone to play footy with, so I'd best go. Will try to pop back on later xoxo
Oh Janie - you had me so worried... although it's not great news, it sounds like you're being monitored really closely and I'm sure you're ob is onto it! Please make sure you try to rest up and lets help get this bub of yours to 32 weeks AT LEAST!!
Michelle - everyone has said everything that I've been thinking... so lots of big hugs for you. We're all here for you NO MATTER WHAT!!
Sorry, must go.. my darling brother has just arrived. Quickly though.. today's catch up with my friends was difficult. One of them is just 12 weeks pg and she's one of my closest friends and it was just hard. I hate it and I hate that I just didn't want her to talk about it at all... or whinge about being so sick.. I'd love to be that sick and have a healthy bub inside me. I just hate that I'm thinking all that. It's not fair and it's not her fault. She should be able to be happy about her pg and I should be able to be happy for her too and I hate it.
Will try to pop back later.. it so hard being at Mum's.. someone bloody pops their head in every five seconds! Grrr.
Kel xxx
Janie - I am giving your little bubble strict orders to stay put!!!! Seriously I am glad your ob is being proactive and I have my fingers crossed that bub keeps comfy for as long as possible. Rest up hun....
Kel - :hug:
Thanks girls :hug: Dinner is in the oven, so I may have five minutes spare! I know it's not actually *bad* news, but I was so hoping that today would go smoothly. I am so petrified of having a prem. The small baby stuff I can deal with, we can watch that and see what happens.......although of course if growth isn't consistent, then that too could lead to having a prem :doh:. And DH immediately connects DS being small, and prem, and thinks that it means the same for this bub (fair enough). I know it's not that simple, and there's every chance things will be fine, we'll make it to 37 weeks, and have a healthy baby. The small thing worries me a little in that DS also had issues growing OUT of the womb. I really, really, really don't want to go through that worry again. Having a borderline FTT baby is sooooo stressful :(. I don't want history repeating itself!
I'm trying to watch these 'BHs' and see what I think. I think I can tell the difference, but it's hard to call. I don't want to be taking stuff (although it's safe), but I certainly do not want to go into labour and be saying hindsight is a wonderful thing! The way things are so far tonight I suspect I'll be getting the script filled tomorrow, but I want to wait the night out and see what happens.
Aaaargh, I'm so sorry to vent about this when others have more serious issues. I just need to get it off my chest I think, and then settle down. I've vented to DH, who understands, and told him that I know I'm more stressed than I need to be about this. But of course, he just wants to reassure me and tell me that everything will be fine, doesn't want his wife stressing :) Thanks for being understanding ears/eyes in here for me girls :hug: