Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ February/March 2010

That is fantastic news Laney, I'm really happy for you hun :dance:. Thank you so much for all your support and information during my dramas, I really appreciate it. That is really interesting, and something for me to think about. My Ob had me on aspirin in the first trimester, because of my history of mc. When we realised that D's growth had slowed right down, my Ob told me to start taking it again. From then on his rate of growth stayed pretty well consistent. I'll defintely chat to my Ob when I see him in a couple of weeks about taking Clexane should a surprise baby ever decide to join us ;).

Having a third baby is a decision we will now take VERY seriously, and ATM we say that we won't be going there. What if this happened again???? Even earlier???? I keep having flashbacks this week to that awful CTG when he was brachycardic, that terrifying slow beating. I haven't really thought about it until now, I think it was too scary earlier. It just came to me in the car the other day. I feel so so relieved and grateful that my beautiful boy is here safe and sound.

Thats fantastic news Laney. I wish you all the best for a perfect scan on Friday.

Janie I just wanted you to know that alot of people told me I should maybe go on Clexane for this pregnancy (even my GP) but when I asked my Ob and DR S about it they both said not to as it has a higher risk of making me bleed and the Cardiprin(asprin) was better for me. I'm not saying that this is right or wrong as I honestly felt Clexane might have been a better way to go for me but obviously not according to my Drs. Anyway make sure you talk to your Ob and see what he says ;)
Also my placenta with Sage ended up very dried and shriveled up and that apparently happened once I stopped the asprin at 34 weeks.

I'm so excited that D is coming home today and before his original EDD :) :dance:

Mako & Janie, I was told by one of my MFM doctors to give aspirin a try first (see if it works before we go as far as clexane). Clexane has some risks that he didn't really want me to take. I was not going to see if something works. I had a new high risk doctor weeks later that wanted me to take clexane. I know people that have taken just aspirin and had healthy bubs with a nice placenta. It just wasn't enough for me. I wanted to do everything that I could because I thought my pregnancy with Grayson would be my last. My doctor still tells me that it might have just been luck that Grayson arrived safely. I like to think that it was the clexane and aspirin combo. It is the only thing that is keeping my chin up right now.

Laney - All the best for Friday.. praying that all goes well. It's such a difficult and crappy time.. all the waiting is driving me mad too!! Just sucks.

Janie - OMG.. I'm soooo excited for you today!!! Enjoy having D at home tonight.. will be thinking of you!

Mako - I'm taking Cardiprin too but my case is very mild and she's not even really sure it's causing my m/c's so don't think I'd ever have to consider anything more than that.. unless more tests show something else that they've missed so far. It's soooo frustrating.... I don't even really have a diffinative (sp?) reason for my losses, so although I've got the asprin to make me feel like we're doing something this time... I'm still extremely nervous and anxious. Surely it can't all just be bad luck... and if so, god knows what I've ever done to deserve it. So not fair. Anyway, enjoy your massage today, hope it makes you feel better and will be thinking of you tomorrow avo!

Bek - Hope you're feeling better! Luke has had a bit of a runny nose lately and is now developing a bit of a cough.. hope it doesn't progress into anything more!

Spring - How are you?? I hope the cyclone didn't do much damage to your place. Thinking of you.

Well.. one week down and one and a bit weeks till our first scan. I just wish I could speed the clocks up a bit.. time is definitely dragging. I have started feeling a little queezy every now and again too and my bbs are a bit sore and definitely getting a bit bigger (woo hoo.. I need all the help I can get in that department)!!! So I'm feeling ok.. but I had similar symptoms last time and it didn't help, so I don't want to think anything into it. I'm also really, really bloated already.. I look very pg and it's freaking me out.. has anyone had this? I'm a little worried.

Anyway, having a quite day at home today and DH is at Uni tonight... yuck. Just hanging out for my MIL to come over next week.. and our scan.

Kel xxx

Mako - :hug: hun, wishing you all the very best for your scan tomorrow. Hope your headache is gone today!

Janie - How exciting that your little bubba is coming home :dance: You and DH must be so excited, enjoy. I so know how you feel about having them here safe and sound though, when I held E for the first time all I could think of was thank goodness I don't have to go through this again (pregnancy not the birth ;)) she is our last. And I didn't even have the dramas that you had either, I have been very lucky that way.

Laney - GL for Friday, hope everything goes well

Kelly - Yay for the symptoms, they sound great hun. Here's hoping the next week and a bit fly past for you.

Hi everyone else :hello:

Not much happening here, so I haven't posted much lately cause I haven't had a lot to say. DH left yesterday for a work trip to Canada and the US so I'm doing the single parent thing all this week - hoping both DD's will be nice to me so I get through the week in one piece!

Laney I'm sorry if my post came across awful earlier. I really didn't mean for it to. I was so wanting to take the Clexane for my own peace of mind even with all the risks as I too didn't want to leave things to chance kwim? I just have to go with what my Drs advise for me I guess ;)
Anyway I'm so happy all worked wonderfully for Grayson and really hope this one works out perfectly for you too. You sure have been through more than anyone should ever go through hun :hug:

Kelly I'm :pray: like mad all is ok for you this time too. Who knows the cardiprin might just make the world of difference for you as it seemed to for me with Sage and hopefully with this little one of mine.
I only commented to Michelle the other night that I seriously looked 5 months pregnant.DH even told me I needed to get some "fat girl" clothes out as I couldn't do my pants up lol. It has settled a bit now though.
I wish I could make the days go a bit quicker for you too :hug:
The symptoms sound great too ;)

Megsmum All the best for this week. I hope your girls are kind to you too :)

I'm feeling a bit better after my massage this morning. I had to tell my massage therapist and she was so so excited lol. But she wasn't happy that she couldn't do a remedial massage for me though lol. She likes to inflict a little pain hahaha but she settled on a relaxation one for me and boy it was good.
My cold seems to be a little better today which is good. I'm sick of not knowing for sure if I'm feeling ill from the cold or from this little bundle. I guess I'll find out for sure tomorrow.

Megsmum - Good luck for this week.. I hate it when DH is away!

Thanks so much Mako... I'm so excited and nervous about your scan tomorrow, so god help me when mine come along!! I'm praying like mad everything is ok for you too!

I'm having a really quite day at home today.. was planning to not leave the house at all but just realised I need to post my SIL birthday card to make sure it arrives for her birthday.. so we'll go do that soon. It's been lovely having a quiet day at home but it's also been awful because I can't stop thinking things through in my head (not a good thing)! I really feel like AF is coming and have had a few twinges so of course I think the worst.. although I know it's all normal. Got all the paperwork from the hosptial and from my ob today too, which makes it all very real. I'm having a scan Wednesday week, then they want me to book another one 10 days later, so only three weeks until I'll know what's going on!! I think I'm generally feeling a bit 'down' today and can't be bothered doing anything.. it's just not like me and I hate it!

Kel xxx

I'll be back later to chat about the clexane stuff. At work so just a quick sneak on to say .........


READ THE BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENTS!!! :cheer:

Lisa had a baby girl around midday via c-section. 3.2kg and all is well with both of them. They have even had their first breastfeed. I'll fill you in on more details when they happen. I'm so excited!!!!!!

OMG... sooo exciting!! Congrats Lisa. Will head over to the birth announcements now.

Will bbl.

Kel xxxxx

Thanks Michelle..Congrates Lisa, I am so happy for you

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to pass on some news on behalf of Bonham08... she had a scan today and bubs heartbeat was nice and strong. For those of you who don't know, Bonham08 had a loss last November 09 - at her 12 week scan they discovered that bubba "Everson" had passed at around 8 weeks gestation.

Today is a huge milestone for Bonham08 as it was at this gestation and scan that she discovered "Everson" had passed - but current belly bub is going great guns.

Bonham08 is having issues with her internet at present so I offered to post on her behalf.

My love and well wishes to you all

xox

tk

Thanks for the update TK.. have been wondering how she was going. Please pass on my congratulations to her.. sooo exciting!!

Kel xxx

Thanks for the update TK, give Boham our luv

Spring - Did you get rained out?

Lisa, congratulations! I am sorry that you did not the birth that you were hoping for but so glad that baby is here and healthy.

Bonham08, congratulations on a huge milestone!

Kelly, I am having AF type cramps as well. I have had them in every pregnancy but they still make me nervous. The waiting game is hard. :hug:

Mako, you were not harsh at all. I hope that I did not come over that way. This is a topic that I am struggling with at the moment and it does help me to chat about it. Taking clexane is a huge decision and not for everyone.
I had two MFM doctors (in the same practice) tell me something completely different about clexane. One believed that it would work a miracle for me and the other told me that I just needed better luck next time. It really does appear to be a big topic of debate. Of course, I decided to go with the specialist that wanted to try it. I have no idea which side to believe but it does feel like I am doing something substantial. I had a very difficult time deciding if I should take clexane this time around as well. Is it worth the small risk when I have Grayson to take care of? I feel very selfish and scared about it right now. I am just trying to hide in de Nile ;)

Michelle, I would love to hear what you think about clexane. I think I remember you saying that you took it for a little while.

Lisa Congratulations again on the birth of your darling daughter. I too am sorry you didn't get the birth you were hoping for but hope you have a speedy recovery :hug:

Kelly I hope the AF feeling goes away soon. Its so darn tough when preg and af symptoms are so similar. Please try and think positive thoughts. I know how hard it is under the circumstances and need to take my own advice today :rolleyes:

Bekz How are you hun? I hope you are feeling better now too.

Laney I have to say your post didn't come across harsh either but I read mine and thought maybe it could have seemed that way. Anyway I'm so pleased you didn't take it like that as it certainly wasn't meant that way ;)
I'm sure I would have gone the same path as you if I had 2 Drs telling you different info. I too like to feel like I'm doing something constructive to help everything work out better than before. I'm also interested in Michelle's opinion although I have a fair idea of what it is ;)
How is that gorgeous little boy Grayson doing?

Bonham WOOHOO on a wonderful scan yesterday. I'm so happy for you hun.Thanks TK for letting us know.

Jayne Are you ok after those terrible storms yesterday? I have been thinking of you and the girls. When is your trip to China?

Willow, Bun,Rach,Deb,Michelle,Sequoia,Lee,Spring, Freya and Janie Hi to you all.

Well girls today is the day we find out what is happening inside my belly. I'm absolutely freaking out right now though and feel its going to be a long day and my appointment isn't until 5pm.Not much sleep was had in this house last night by any of us and that all started by Sage having his 1st nightmare :( He woke up at 10:30pm screaming out "mum mum mum scared mum mum scared mum mum scared" :o I have no idea what or why he would have been scared though as nothing different has happened.He was still awake in our bed at 1am :wall:

Good luck Mako :hug:

Mako - I'll be holding your hand today hun

Thanks Freya and Bek. I'll be needing it.

I had a mini melt down a little while ago. I just can't believe some people (by that I mean my own MOTHER). I haven't told you girls this but I told her a few weeks ago I was pregnant and all she said was "didn't you lose the last one" :wall: I said "yes I did" and got up and walked away. Anyway she hasn't asked how I am or anything since I told her so yesterday she came out here and looked after DS for my while I went and had a massage and I told her I'm having a scan today. She still hasn't asked what time or said anything at all about this baby or scan or anything. I'm sorry to offload on you all but I'm just so mad right now. She rang twice yesterday after she'd been here and never mentioned it at all.
This really shouldn't surprise me but far out I'm hurting so bad and am so so worried about this stupid scan this arv.

All the best for today Mako... like you said.. positive thoughts!!! I know it's hard but surely everything has to be ok for both of us this time. I'm thinking of you constantly today and will be waiting for you to get back and fill us in (with all the good news)!!! I can't imagine how much of a mess I'm going to be before my scans. I think I'll be ok for the first one next week but the one after that has always been the horrible one for us. Oh god, it's so hard.

Well, I'm exhausted today, so, so tired and my boobs are KILLING me!! I've never had it this bad before so I'm taking that as a really good sign (although it's really not helping much because it's making me think about this pg even more)!!! Can't win. Anyway must go lie on the couch while Luke is asleep.. thank god.. doesn't happen much these days!

Jayne - Hope you're ok.. sounds like it was a pretty nasty storm yesterday!! Lots of damage all over the place, although north of the river sounds like it was hit worse, so hopefully you're ok!

Kel xxx

Oh Mako.. we must of posted at the same time. Massive hugs. Certainly not at all what you need right now. I wish there was more I could say but just know that we're all here for you and really, what more could you want!!!!

Kel xxx

Sorry for my last post. It sounds like I'm a nut case(I'm not really) :redface: Anyway I've been and had a good cry and in that time the Ob's office rang and have moved my appointment to 4:30 instead of 5. I'm really nervous but am trying to get myself into a positive head space as I type. Anyway thanks to all of you who for supporting me and helping keep me as sane as possible the past few weeks. Its all out of my hands now and whatever will be will be.I'll come back later to fill you all in(might not be until 8:30 or a bit later once DH has gone to basketball) and I'm out of phone credit of all days :doh: I hope I can grab some more before my appointment but if not I'll just update everyone here.

Oh Mako :hug: I told you my story with my Mum didn't I? Sometimes they have no idea :wall: Thinking of you this afternoon :hug:

Lisa and Bonham - Big congrats ladies :dance:

Gotta run, crying bub!

Sorry girls I'm about to put a downer on this thread yet again and I'm so so sorry. My little bub has no heart beat. I'm just shattered yet again :crying::crying::crying:

Oh darling heart I am just so incredibly sorry ... :comfort:

Please just know that you have been in my thoughts all day - it's been a hellish time for me & I didn't want to burden this thread...

JUst know my heart is breaking for you... :hug:

Oh Mako, nooooo :hug:

Words can't say how very sorry I am :hug:

Oh no, please no... why does this have to happen again. Mako I'm in tears and wish I knew exactly what to say right now to make you feel even slightly better. It's not fair and I wish I could understand why these things have to happen to the people that deserve them the least. I've been thinking about you all day Mako and praying that everything was going to be ok. We're all here for you. Wow, I'm just so upset and wish there was more I could do.

Hugs.

Kel xxxx

Oh Mako... I am so very sorry to hear that. :hug:

BW

I just wanted to pop in and say Congrats to Lisa, will go and read your BA and post there hun.

Mako - My beautiful, beautiful friend. I am so very, very sorry. I am ANGRY. I am so angry that this is happening again. I am here. Always.That's all I wanted to say because I don't know what else to say and it wouldn't matter anyway. You are in my thoughts constantly.

:cry: :cry: :cry:

Oh Mako sweetie, I am so so sorry to hear this news. I logged on hoping to find some good news from you and I feel so very devastated. It is so unfair - I can't believe you are going through this again. I am sending all my love to you sweetie, I wish there was something I could do. Know that I am thinking of you hun.

Lisa - congrats on the arrival of another beautiful girl hun, I am very happy for you!

Jo - congrats to you too hun, I am so so glad your scan went well :)

Mako - :hug: again sweetie, I will be thinking of you.

Oh Mako :hug:

Mako, words escape me. I have nothing to say that is going to take the pain away, I'm aching for you honey. I'm sending you lots of hugs, tissues & cups of tea.

WILLOW _ I'm with you, I'm FUMING!

LISA _ Congratulations on the birth of the beautiful little darling - Natalya. I can't wait to gush about her with you & hear every little detail. Doesn't matter how she arrived - she did it in her own style! :dance:

I'm just over it tonight girls, I'm sorry, but I'm really peeved for Mako, I'm shaking actually, it's just not freaking fair! No two ways about it!

oh Mako, I am so sorry. This just isn't fair. I wish I knew what else to say. :hug:

Mako sweetie: there are no words that can express how sorry I am, just hugs :comfort:

Deb: :hug:

Sorry girls I've still been on the quiet side, but I couldn't not post for you dear Mako, godamm it............ I really really bl--dy hate the universe at times, and this is one of those times. I'm so incredibly sorry you are in so much pain, coupled by your mother's complete lack of mothering. I'm so sorry your little bub couldn't stay, gone to join his/her siblings in another place. Keep your little man S close to you, it's going to be a really tough time, I'm just so shattered for you too. You know we are here in any way we can be. Major massive hugs xoxoxoxo

Lee xoxoxoxo

Mako - :comfort: you know how I feel and how much I wish I could make this all better :(

Mako - Sending you all my love, xoxoxox

Mako - Words can't describe how sad I feel for you. MY GOODNESS why does such a beautiful person have to endure this heartache. I wish I could give a real hug :hug:

Thanks to you all for your words. You are all truly wonderful and I'd be lost without each and every single one of you right now.
I've taken the day off work and once again I got no response from my boss when I messaged her that I wouldn't be in today. I will call her and speak to her after I see my GP this morning. I have an appointment with him just before 11 so hopefully will have some idea of where we are heading after that. I'm not doing too bad atm. Still very very angry more than anything but I'm sure that will pass with time. At this point in time I'm not really sure if I can go through this again or even put DH through this again. He told me 3 pregnancies ago that 3 would be our limit and at the time I was mad with him for putting a number on me but you know what? I'm kinda feeling the same way today. I just don't know if I have it in me to go again. Maybe I'm just speaking out of pain and anger and sadness but maybe I should be just happy with the dear little boy who we have already. I just don't know :crying:
As for my mother..she sent me a text asking how "it all went" last night and I still haven't replied to her. I just don't know what to say to her or even if I want her to know just yet.That sounds awful doesn't it but I don't want her to pretend to be listening to me when I know she won't be and for her usual response to ANY news good or bad is "oh that's good then" :wall: She honestly said that to my brother once when my nephew was 3 and broke his arm :o
Anyway I'm just rambling on away so I really should just stop.

Kelly I'm so sorry hun. I had it all planned out in my head while I was driving home yesterday about how I was going break this news as gently as possible with you in my mind and then I just got on and "blurted" it out. I'm so so sorry hun. I didn't mean to do that :hug:

Lisa I'm so very happy for you hun and absolutely love the name you've chosen for your beautiful little girl.

Mako, give yourself time to grieve before making a firm decision. When you're feeling hurt and angry is not the best frame of mind to be making a decision in, especially if your DH is going to take what you say now to be definite and not allow a change of mind later.

I recall after one of my miscarriages - I decided as I was going through it just as I got the final result from my clinic that I was going to take a nice, big, long break... and then, just before I was due to ovulate, I changed my mind and we went for another transfer... Perhaps a break to complete investigations and formulate a plan of attack with Dr S could be just what you need.

Anyway, I'm really sorry that the people around you aren't being as supportive as they could be. :hug:

BW

Mako - I completely understand why you are feeling that way. But I also hope we get our happy ending. As Michelle always says - you know when/if the time is right again when the urge for another baby grows stronger than the fear :hug: I'm here for you. Especially if you need someone to give your mum a big ole forehead slap.

Everything is just....meh.....today :(