I don't think you over-reacted at all! I honestly don't know how you manage to juggle four young children so don't beat yourself up, give yourself a medal instead. I'd be setting a rule - one chance to say what you want for breakfast, if you don't eat it, no alternatives so go hungry. That's not harsh - it's teaching responsibility for making choices.
And I'd be making him get the bus to school on set days. Honestly, packing four kids into the car for a five minute journey sounds like an horrendous start to the day when there IS a more relaxed alternative.
We have tried reward charts but we seems to be stuck in the stage of "I don't care" so they don't work, the boys simply say they don't care about the reward chart. Even the tossing of toys (whihch is really hard for me to do, Im throwingmoney in the bin in my eyes) Glenn is bad for the I don't care & wil actually go put it int he bin himself. He says he wants to chuck it when I say if he doesn't put it away I will put it in the bin. He says it as the easy way of getting out of picking up after himself.
Normally the breaskfast thing isn't too bad, I think he changes his mind as a way of stalling. he does similar things at night in the led up to bed. I throw out so much uneated food its not funny.
I am going to try & set up a bus days & car days. I go into "town" on tuesdays & thursdays so I he can dothe car those days & bus the other 3. The pain of it is, he go on & not want to catch the bus so I spend the morning in a rush getting everyone out the door & then as he gets in the car he complains he wanted to chatch the bus! He did it the other day & didn't belive me when I told himt he bus left an hour ago & he was still ASLEEP! AND not only that but your class has already gone in as thats is how late we are!
The school is about 5 minutes drive away. BUT it works out to almost a 30km trip when I drop off & pick up. thats alot of petrol for a "5 minute" trip
Make him catch the bus every day. The routine of only on some days might be too much, and he'll play up on bus days cause he KNOWS you can drive him. If the car is simply a no-go in the morning, he'll eventually get used to it..
If dad is still home then,make it his job. He can get Evan and say "daddy time!" and wait with him, just the two of them.
I never fight over food. If he wont eat, just say "ok then", and pack extra in the lunchbox. He'll eat when he's hungry. Za is home all day, and wont eat anything till about 10. Its just how he is...
I would empty the boys rooms, bar the beds. Instead of throwing out toys being a punishment, make them a reward for being good. If they have a large toy box, they can see how fast, (and good they are!) by getting them back and filling it up. Reward instead of punish.
Hope some of this helps, I know how hard it is hon......You are doing great, and you'll get through it...
Not much advice on the breakfast/school thing but in regards to throwing away toys, is there a favourite toy they have that you know they wouldnt want to get tossed? DD is at this stage of not caring if a toy goes in the bin so i have resorted to saying i will throw her dolly in the bin, that makes her clean up after herself quick as a flash.
Last edited by Antheia; December 3rd, 2008 at 08:37 AM.
I know I am not a mum yet but I don't think you overreacted at all!
When we were kids if we behaved like that my mum and dad would have done a lot worse.
It probably won't hurt him to realise that your over it and carrying on like that won't get teh desired effect.
Don't feel bad
hOLY dOOLY - if that's horrid, then I am the biggest worstest mother in the world with my temper!
I think you handled the situation under control and with your temper in check - I probably would of flipped my lid at the kids, DH and the dog too...
My DD had problems with getting dressed but now I lay her clothes out, she dresses, and then does brekky. There are no choices. You get what's in the bowl. Same with lunches. Then she packs her lunch, helps shut down the house, helps gets the younger two into the car, opens the gates, and we are ready to go.
With DD I ended up doing up a 'routine' for her, with little pictures to remind her what needs to be done to get ready for school - like clothes, a hair brush, toothbrush, brekky bowl etc. Why not get each timer and get the two involved in 'a race' if they seem so enthusiastic about a challenge?
I understand about the school drop off - look here I am, the trip interrupted my morning, and now my mojo is gone. It is so annoying with the two younger ones wanted to run riot in the prep room. I wish there was a school bus.
Whatever you do, don't go down to the school, and don't back down. I think a little bit of this does kids good sometimes - I loaded DD into the car and went to school last week STILL in her PJ's and she was mortified!! She begged to get changed in the carpark...
I used to have trouble getting my 3 oldest ones ready in the morning as master DS9 was a dawdler. Yelling and screaming at them was the norm. Now I make them get their clothes ready the night before and also make their lunches and put them in the fridge. That way in the morning I don't have to yell at them any more and they have their clothes ready and they grab their lunches as they are leaving. No stress for me and they are happy doing it.
Hope the new school year brings more happy mornings for you FJ! I remember my mum used to threaten to send us to school in our pj's if we weren't dressed in time, we knew she would definitely follow through, so we always managed to get our act together to avoid that embarrassment!
I don't know how old your kids are, but would making a morning roster help? I.e. get up at *this time* then you have until *this time* to get dressed, breakfast from *this time* until *this time*, and then if you are all finished and ready to go with time to spare they can play with some toys or something "fun" until it's time to leave? Something to motivate them to hurry up and get dressed and be ready.
i had exactly teh same issue with DS.
he would fart arse around, play with toys not do as he was asked get the poops when asked to ride to school after begging us to let him ride.
wouldnt get dressed or daudled getting dressed and would be late.
i set a time that the door opens and he is to leave for school if he hasnt eaten or gotten dressed he goes to school in his pj's
this happened twice and after teh embaressement of getting out of the car in his pj's he got the picture that i wasnt joking about it all.
i had his uniform in teh car but he didnt know that.
and with breaky there is no choice, its weet-bix and thats it. i dont do the whole what do u feel like. and if he hasnt had a glass of milk and done a number 2 every day he dont get to play or anything till he is ready to walk out that door. ( the number 2 thing comes from him wetting the bed due to holding on to his poo and him being impacted and it pushing his bladder)
FJ, you could always send the "I don't care" back in his direction. Except it works much better if you say "I don't mind". Eg "I want to catch the bus Mum". YOU: "Hmm, I don't mind that you want to catch the bus, we're going in the car". You simultaneously acknowledge what he is saying BUT let it roll off you completely. Trust me this strategy is a winner for overcoming complaining!!
Ok, so the charts don't work because you haven't worked out what the bottom line is for your kids. Pocket money, sweet foods, time on tv/computer games, time with parents at end of day, confiscating favorite things (ie bike/trampoline/mp3 player goes away for hour/day/week), even family events like trips to the park, are all things you can use or remove for leverage. There's always something that works.
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