Every morning Evan will fart around & change his mind about breakfast & catching the bus to school. I usually end up very stressed out by the time I get him to school.
This morning was no different bar the fact I was a *****. He got up happy enough, I got him dressed (see if I don't physically dress him it doesn't happen) he came out ready for breakfast & plenty of time to catch the bus (as he wanted to catch it this morning)
So DH is making his lunch & Evan sooks as he doesn't want cheese on his sandwich.
Then he says he wants toasted cheese sandwich for breakfast (I didn't hear this) but then says he wants Nutragrain. No worries I am feeding Iain but make his & Glenns breakfast with the last of the milk. Evan was told seems there is little milk & Glenn asked first if there isn't enough milk for both to have cereal then Glenn gets it.
*First chance to say I don't want it*
He sooks about that & I say No its ok I should have enough for both of you
*second chance to say I don't want it*
So I make it & asked DH to take it to them seems I am juggling a baby at the breast. (this is a side vent) who then huffs & puffs because he was making sandwiches.. Gees, how hard is it to stop for 2 seconds & pass the bowls to the kids
When DH gives Evan the bowl he sooks that he didn't want nutragrain SH & I both go off at him at the same time. I go on saying that he has to eat it, Im sick of him wasting food & that that was the last of the milk & someone else could have had it. I make him sit there & say he either eats it or goes to school hungry.
He starts about not wanting to catch the bus I yell at him that too bad I am not driving him today & he is catching the bus.
After about 5 minutes he still hasn't eaten & Glenn is finished. For some reason breakfast is a race (no matter how many times I have said not to "race" & Glenn pipes up about winning. Evan yells at him thats its not a race & Glenn gets upset & goes to toss his bowl that still had milk in it. So Grab it before he can & also take Evans bowl. As I do the rat turned & pushed the bowl up at me sending milk & nutragrain all over the floor. I loose it & he gets a smack & told to clean up the mess. He sits there on the floor crying & wont clean it up so I tell him he either cleans it up or the motorbike toy at my feet goes in the bin.
I end up tossing the toy & cleaning the floor. I then put his shoes on his feet & sent him to sit on the veranda till DH was ready to take him to the bus.
I offered him some toast whihc he didn't take so I made him a extra sandwich & put it in his bag & told him him to eat it once he gets to school.
I totally overreacted to the situations & now feel like a horrid mother. I would have made Evan feel terrible, I sent him to school with no breakfast & in tears. I also told him to catch the bus home.
Now I am sitting here in upset & wanting to head up to the school to make sure he ate & is ok. But know that I shouldn't.
He carries on like a brat & gets away with it more often then not & I am sick of it. Before DH left for work he also had a go at me for over reacting & blowing it out of proportion.
Yes I was a ***** about it all but The kid needs to learn. Every morning its a **** fight of some extent to get him to school. I hate having to get everyone in the car for a 5 minute trip. Glenn hates going & Isla hates not being able to run all over the school. Iain is wanting a feed/sleep right at the time I need to leave & its just too much to have to do it every morning when the bus stop is our driveway. Im so over the morning thing. I have crap all to wear so I am forever hunting for something to put on, I have to get myself & 4 kids dressed as none of them will do it themself & Im getting out the door later & later each day.
I want to be able to put him ont he bus & hang out that load of washing early rather then leave before its finished & not get to hand it out till about 11 or later given when I get back from the school I have to sort out Iain & just not do anything really to unwind from the morning of getting ONE child off to school on time!
But someone please tell me that sending him with n o breakfast & on the bus was ok to do..... Have I scared him for life?
(
Last edited by *Efjay*; December 3rd, 2008 at 07:48 AM.
My DD is the queen of the morning dawdlers. It has taken until she is TEN for her to be able to get herself ready and fed and waiting with bag packed.
To simplify things I suggest - NO MORE CHOICE of what's for breakfast OR if there's choice then it's choice out of A or B (but nothing else). You could try a roster (ie Monday toast, Tuesday Nutrigrain, etc) or you could just arbitrarily declare "Today you are having X for breakfast". I would serve the breakfast up, put the timer on for 15 minutes, if it's not eaten it goes down the sink/into the dog's bowl/compost, then nothing else til lunchbox time at school. Trust me it will only be a few hungry mornings before they learn how quick the breastfast window closes. Your child will not starve, but he MIGHT learn the value of eating what's put in front of him!
The other thing that might work is splitting the boys up - ie one has 15 mins to dress while the other eats his brekky, then swap...divide and conquer! LOL
Reward charts also work quite well in the mornings - focus on one thing at a time. Once you've got the breakfast eating sorted, you can work on the getting-self-dressed-on-time skills, kwim?
Mornings are a typically notorious time for family conflict, so you're not alone. Stand strong, it WILL get better!
I don't think you over-reacted at all! I honestly don't know how you manage to juggle four young children so don't beat yourself up, give yourself a medal instead. I'd be setting a rule - one chance to say what you want for breakfast, if you don't eat it, no alternatives so go hungry. That's not harsh - it's teaching responsibility for making choices.
And I'd be making him get the bus to school on set days. Honestly, packing four kids into the car for a five minute journey sounds like an horrendous start to the day when there IS a more relaxed alternative.
We have tried reward charts but we seems to be stuck in the stage of "I don't care" so they don't work, the boys simply say they don't care about the reward chart. Even the tossing of toys (whihch is really hard for me to do, Im throwingmoney in the bin in my eyes) Glenn is bad for the I don't care & wil actually go put it int he bin himself. He says he wants to chuck it when I say if he doesn't put it away I will put it in the bin. He says it as the easy way of getting out of picking up after himself.
Normally the breaskfast thing isn't too bad, I think he changes his mind as a way of stalling. he does similar things at night in the led up to bed. I throw out so much uneated food its not funny.
I am going to try & set up a bus days & car days. I go into "town" on tuesdays & thursdays so I he can dothe car those days & bus the other 3. The pain of it is, he go on & not want to catch the bus so I spend the morning in a rush getting everyone out the door & then as he gets in the car he complains he wanted to chatch the bus! He did it the other day & didn't belive me when I told himt he bus left an hour ago & he was still ASLEEP! AND not only that but your class has already gone in as thats is how late we are!
The school is about 5 minutes drive away. BUT it works out to almost a 30km trip when I drop off & pick up. thats alot of petrol for a "5 minute" trip
I know I am not a mum yet but I don't think you overreacted at all!
When we were kids if we behaved like that my mum and dad would have done a lot worse.
It probably won't hurt him to realise that your over it and carrying on like that won't get teh desired effect.
Don't feel bad
Make him catch the bus every day. The routine of only on some days might be too much, and he'll play up on bus days cause he KNOWS you can drive him. If the car is simply a no-go in the morning, he'll eventually get used to it..
If dad is still home then,make it his job. He can get Evan and say "daddy time!" and wait with him, just the two of them.
I never fight over food. If he wont eat, just say "ok then", and pack extra in the lunchbox. He'll eat when he's hungry. Za is home all day, and wont eat anything till about 10. Its just how he is...
I would empty the boys rooms, bar the beds. Instead of throwing out toys being a punishment, make them a reward for being good. If they have a large toy box, they can see how fast, (and good they are!) by getting them back and filling it up. Reward instead of punish.
Hope some of this helps, I know how hard it is hon......You are doing great, and you'll get through it...
Not much advice on the breakfast/school thing but in regards to throwing away toys, is there a favourite toy they have that you know they wouldnt want to get tossed? DD is at this stage of not caring if a toy goes in the bin so i have resorted to saying i will throw her dolly in the bin, that makes her clean up after herself quick as a flash.
Last edited by Antheia; December 3rd, 2008 at 08:37 AM.
FJ, you could always send the "I don't care" back in his direction. Except it works much better if you say "I don't mind". Eg "I want to catch the bus Mum". YOU: "Hmm, I don't mind that you want to catch the bus, we're going in the car". You simultaneously acknowledge what he is saying BUT let it roll off you completely. Trust me this strategy is a winner for overcoming complaining!!
Ok, so the charts don't work because you haven't worked out what the bottom line is for your kids. Pocket money, sweet foods, time on tv/computer games, time with parents at end of day, confiscating favorite things (ie bike/trampoline/mp3 player goes away for hour/day/week), even family events like trips to the park, are all things you can use or remove for leverage. There's always something that works.
I sent my son out the front to wait for his friend. I said get out of the house and just wait out there because I a, so angry with you right now
That is how I sent my child to school this morning. (yes it sounds horrible but he was being a total PITA) Dh did go out to him though it was just my last words to him.. he wasn't out the front alone
So I would say stand your ground..Maybe if it will make you feel better. Give the School a call.Say this morning was rough and tell then Evan didn't eat any breakfast and could one of the teachers on lunch duty just discretely make sure he eats today..
Yep My last words to him as DH walked him tot he bus was "Make sure you get ont he bus to come home"
Dh's work times change each week so I can't make that apart of the routine too much as it would change every day. But When DH is home still he is the one to take him up to the bus. It has been that way for some time.
Its hard. There isn't alot of point in getting something into play now as school is over in a couple of weeks & it then I will ahve to start all over again next year.
Not wanting to catchthe bus is more about being to lazy to get ready on time. The bus comes half an hour before I would normally leave (an hour when Iam running behind)
I think mostly I feel bad for going on like I did. I stomped around, yelled, slammed doors etc. Evan & I butt heads so when I go off, he just goes off at me back & rather then taking a moment to remember the kid is six, I just fly off at him. I think that its not right that a six your old talks to me that way but then really, its probably worse that I go off at my six yr old the way I do.....
I am the exact same with Ethan.. We get on great when the world is great but Ethan is the worlds biggest drama queen and I just did not have the patience for it this morning..
Fionajill - crap morning like that happen to all of us and after talking to DS teachers 99% of the time he is fine once he steps through the door of that classroom (or within a few minutes anyway) When we have mornings like that I often ring the school to see how he has settled. they always seem more than happy to go and find out and they are very understanding. maybe give them a call?
i know you were posting in the asd section a little while ago about Evan and these are some things we found work well with DS who is on the spectrum and might help you if you think Evan has a few traits.
Don't give them choice - it freaks them out. DS has sultana bran for breakfast every moring - no choice - he likes sultana bran and now it is just the done thing. tlk to him at a calm tme and ask what his favourite breakfast is and then let him know this is what he will have for breakfast every morning. End of story, no discussion. Lunches are the same. DS has the same thing on his lunch day in day out. I find it insanely boring but he is much calmer knowing exactly what will be in that box every day.
We have a schedule on the fridge using pictures which DS follows every moring. before this he would put his school clothes over his pj or stuff around so much we would give in and do it. DS likes races also - only if he comes first though. I use this to motivate him to get dressed. i will set him tasks that he can succeed at so - pants on before I come back in the room. I give him a warning just before I come in and he wins. he's happy and dressed and I get to do something else while he is getting dressed.
Bus - tough one, if he is on the spectrum buses can be scary. If you really want him to do the bus thing and it is causing him anxiety it might be worth catching the bus with him a few times and jotting down what happens. Where it stops, people get on and off etc. make your own story about it - stick people on pieces of paper are fine. And again set it up as this is what will happen. He will catch the bus on on this day or everyday or even we will catch the bus if I tell you in the moring otherwise I will drive you. Explain to him why it is important for him to catch the bus. Be very specific.
No way at all have you over reacted!!!! At any of it imo! I would of done EXACTLY the same thing!!! WHen I was younger and wouldn't eat dinner my parents told me that if i didnt eat it I would sit there all night until I did and I always thought they were joking until one night I challenged it and they followed through and I did sit there all night when i woke up in the morning my face was in my cold dinner! LOL it was either sit there all night or eat it for breakfast.. and let me tell you fiona, I only did it once LOL You have not scarred him sweetheart, and your not a terrible mother! You did exactly what most of us in that situation would of done!
hOLY dOOLY - if that's horrid, then I am the biggest worstest mother in the world with my temper!
I think you handled the situation under control and with your temper in check - I probably would of flipped my lid at the kids, DH and the dog too...
My DD had problems with getting dressed but now I lay her clothes out, she dresses, and then does brekky. There are no choices. You get what's in the bowl. Same with lunches. Then she packs her lunch, helps shut down the house, helps gets the younger two into the car, opens the gates, and we are ready to go.
With DD I ended up doing up a 'routine' for her, with little pictures to remind her what needs to be done to get ready for school - like clothes, a hair brush, toothbrush, brekky bowl etc. Why not get each timer and get the two involved in 'a race' if they seem so enthusiastic about a challenge?
I understand about the school drop off - look here I am, the trip interrupted my morning, and now my mojo is gone. It is so annoying with the two younger ones wanted to run riot in the prep room. I wish there was a school bus.
Whatever you do, don't go down to the school, and don't back down. I think a little bit of this does kids good sometimes - I loaded DD into the car and went to school last week STILL in her PJ's and she was mortified!! She begged to get changed in the carpark...
I used to have trouble getting my 3 oldest ones ready in the morning as master DS9 was a dawdler. Yelling and screaming at them was the norm. Now I make them get their clothes ready the night before and also make their lunches and put them in the fridge. That way in the morning I don't have to yell at them any more and they have their clothes ready and they grab their lunches as they are leaving. No stress for me and they are happy doing it.
Hope the new school year brings more happy mornings for you FJ! I remember my mum used to threaten to send us to school in our pj's if we weren't dressed in time, we knew she would definitely follow through, so we always managed to get our act together to avoid that embarrassment!
I don't know how old your kids are, but would making a morning roster help? I.e. get up at *this time* then you have until *this time* to get dressed, breakfast from *this time* until *this time*, and then if you are all finished and ready to go with time to spare they can play with some toys or something "fun" until it's time to leave? Something to motivate them to hurry up and get dressed and be ready.
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BellyBelly Member
Am I horrid or right on standing my ground
SH & I both go off at him at the same time. I go on saying that he has to eat it, Im sick of him wasting food & that that was the last of the milk & someone else could have had it. I make him sit there & say he either eats it or goes to school hungry.
learn the value of eating what's put in front of him!
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