Oh hon....

Just a few ideas.....

Make him catch the bus every day. The routine of only on some days might be too much, and he'll play up on bus days cause he KNOWS you can drive him. If the car is simply a no-go in the morning, he'll eventually get used to it..
If dad is still home then,make it his job. He can get Evan and say "daddy time!" and wait with him, just the two of them.

I never fight over food. If he wont eat, just say "ok then", and pack extra in the lunchbox. He'll eat when he's hungry. Za is home all day, and wont eat anything till about 10. Its just how he is...

I would empty the boys rooms, bar the beds. Instead of throwing out toys being a punishment, make them a reward for being good. If they have a large toy box, they can see how fast, (and good they are!) by getting them back and filling it up. Reward instead of punish.

Hope some of this helps, I know how hard it is hon......You are doing great, and you'll get through it...