For the last 3 months I really haven't been able to function. I exist on minimal sleep which for me is a big deal because I've always been one of those people who needs 9 hours of sleep each night to get through the next day.

Jude has never slept well since leaving hospital on day 5. He doesn't sleep during the day, or he does but for just up to 45 minutes and then he wakes up even though he's still tired, he just screams and cries until I pick him up and carry him around. My back and shoulders ache constantly - I'm on so much pain.

I feed him about every 2 hours and I don't have enough breast milk so I am now supplementing some feeds with formula. I don't know if he needs to be fed that often, I don't feel like I have any clue what he wants, since he won't sleep when he's tired how am I supposed to keep him happy all day while he's awake and crying?

I rarely leave the house, I don't really have anywhere to go. I don't have any family and very few friends here on the Gold Coast. I missed the mothers group when Jude was born and now I'm going to go to one with Jude being 3 months old and all the other babies will probably be 6 weeks old.

It seems to me that every single person I talk to with babies the same age as Jude are getting some good long stretches of sleep every night. I can't even go near my baby buddys thread because they're all in heaven with their babies. But here's me, waking up several times every single night for 3 months to feed Jude and then I can't sleep during the day ... I'm so exhausted by the end of every day I feel like walking away and I tell myself I don't want to be a mother anymore, but there's no way out ... I'm stuck chained to this wheel that keeps going round and round and round with no end in sight.

I don't know what to do. I love Jude and I don't blame him for this, but when do I get to sleep??? I know that if I could just rest a little bit I could function. I saw a psychologist but it didn't help, it all seemed so hollow. I don't think anyone understands how I feel.