For the last 3 months I really haven't been able to function. I exist on minimal sleep which for me is a big deal because I've always been one of those people who needs 9 hours of sleep each night to get through the next day.
Jude has never slept well since leaving hospital on day 5. He doesn't sleep during the day, or he does but for just up to 45 minutes and then he wakes up even though he's still tired, he just screams and cries until I pick him up and carry him around. My back and shoulders ache constantly - I'm on so much pain.
I feed him about every 2 hours and I don't have enough breast milk so I am now supplementing some feeds with formula. I don't know if he needs to be fed that often, I don't feel like I have any clue what he wants, since he won't sleep when he's tired how am I supposed to keep him happy all day while he's awake and crying?
I rarely leave the house, I don't really have anywhere to go. I don't have any family and very few friends here on the Gold Coast. I missed the mothers group when Jude was born and now I'm going to go to one with Jude being 3 months old and all the other babies will probably be 6 weeks old.
It seems to me that every single person I talk to with babies the same age as Jude are getting some good long stretches of sleep every night. I can't even go near my baby buddys thread because they're all in heaven with their babies. But here's me, waking up several times every single night for 3 months to feed Jude and then I can't sleep during the day ... I'm so exhausted by the end of every day I feel like walking away and I tell myself I don't want to be a mother anymore, but there's no way out ... I'm stuck chained to this wheel that keeps going round and round and round with no end in sight.
I don't know what to do. I love Jude and I don't blame him for this, but when do I get to sleep??? I know that if I could just rest a little bit I could function. I saw a psychologist but it didn't help, it all seemed so hollow. I don't think anyone understands how I feel.
I'm really sorry you are feeling like this. As our babies are the same age I really have no practical advice! .
Do you have a sleep school that you could contact in your area?? Or even contact the Midwives at the Hospital? I have phoned our local hospital with loads of questions and they have only been too happy to help!
I'm sure someone will come and give you some advice that helps. I hope things improve for you very quickly!
Oh, sending you a great big hug . You will be amazed at how many mums understand how you are feeling! You are one of the few who are brave enough to express your feelings. Most mums keep it to themselves because they think everyone else is coping and they are the only ones who aren't.
You are doing a fantastic job looking after your bub and his needs. It is a lot of hard work in the beginning, but I promise you it WILL get better very soon. Some suggestions from one frazzled mum to another LOL - Do you have a baby carrier/sling that you could wear your DS in so your arms get some relief? My DS1 LOVED to be worn when he was tiny. Another suggestion - have you tried a baby hammock? My DS1 would only day nap in my arms until we bought him an Amby baby hammock - it changed our lives! He loved the motion of the hammock and he slept happily in there.
Do you have a MCHN you can talk to about your worries? Don't be afraid or embarrased to ask her lots of questions, it's her job to be there for you.
I just want you to know that you are not the only mum who has felt the way you do, it is a very tiring time and a huge learning curve. This period of your lives will not last for much longer and you WILL start enjoying yourself really soon, again - I PROMISE!
How much longer is "not much longer" and when is "really soon" because I keep waiting and waiting for that time to come ... first it was 6 weeks everyone said it would get better, but it got worse, then it was 12 weeks, then 3 months...
Just last night, for example, Jude wanted to be fed at midnight, 2.40am, 5.40am, 7.30am ... I'm at my wits end and my hair is very literally falling out in huge clumps.
I have a wrap and Jude likes to go for walks if there's a cool breeze but he hates it at home and it's so hot here. I can't afford a hammock. We're not really making ends meet financially as it is.
I made an appointment last year for the MCHN to come help with sleep and they rang this week, the 1 day I had other plans they could fit me in so I had to cancel and I was too tired to deal with it, and now I'm sure I can't get another appointment for weeks and weeks. I don't really like the idea of someone coming and watching me all day critiquing my parenting and telling me that Jude should be sleeping longer, because I know that I just don't see how I can help it if he won't sleep for more than 45 minutes. What can I do about that?
The stupid community health centres are now centralised and I can't even call them to ask a question, I have to ring the central body and speak to an idiot and try to make an appointment I know I'll have trouble keeping.
I just find talking to anyone so demoralising. Jude's so small he's like a 1-month old in physical size and I don't think anyone gets how completely demanding he is when at 3 months he should be feeding and sleeping better. Why did I get the baby that won't sleep?
Hi Kuraiza Do you think he could have reflux? A baby with reflux will act the way Jude seems to be acting, with the constant crying and not sleeping well and nightly wakeups and wanting to be upright all the time and from the sound of it he isn't gaining a great deal of weight, which can happen in some reflux babies. Babys with Reflux can be a bit confusing in that they seem like they are hungry, but really they aren't. Have you tried any of the reflux/ colic meds like Infants friend, Brauer's or infant gaviscon? Is he a spewy baby? Is he content for any period of time after a feed at all? I think maybe you should take him to your GP or Paed for a check up and see where to go from there because I don't think this is a sleep issue that will be solved by going to a sleep school - the wont help you with any underlying issues, only give you tools to help him sleep (which can often involve crying) and many Mums come away feeling like they've learnt nothing at all that has helped.
I really think that there is something else going on with him - maybe even seeing an osteopath or chiro for him may help too - how was his birth? Do you think that it was a bit rough on him that could be affecting him?
Firstly a huge to you right now. I do understand exactly how you are feeling, I have been there not that long ago. I know it's frustrating, exhausting and demoralising to be screamed at all day by a small person who you are trying to do your best by. I understand the resentment it causes- all you can think "i'm doing all this for you, and you can't just give me a break!! If you would only sleep everything would be better".
I can't tell you when it will end, and tbh honest, it might not be soon. My ds has never slept through the night, ever. What I can tell you is that very soon your body will kick in and you won't feel like a zombie anymore. Suddenly you will just be coping better- it generally happens around the three month point. And bubs might start feeding quicker soon, so you won't be up at night for so long.
Is it possibel to co-sleep, with bubs in or next to your bed? You won't be so tired if you don't have to pysichally get up at night and can tend to bubs from bed and feed lieing down.
SOme things that might be helpful- ring the Australian Breastfeeding Association and ask them about the feeding. They have a toll free number that anyone can use and I highly recommend getting there help, they are fantastic.
Karitane might also be helpful- their number is 1800 CARING. I don't know where you sit on the controlled crying debate, but they did have some very gentle suggestions that helped me a lot. One of those was figuring out the right time frame for sleeping- when bubs is tired enough to sleep, but not overtired.
Lastly, it must be hard to feel stuck at home all day. join the mother's group when it comes up- 6 weeks when they are little is really not that big of an age gap and they will all think you are expert!! Try going to story time at the library- lots of people take their bubs there from when they are really little. Even just get out for a walk every day, or go to the shops and have a cuppa. Have you considered going to the BB Gold Coast meet-ups? I'm sure they would welcome you with open arms.
Hang on in there. I promise you are not the only one with a non-sleeping baby. Maybe this little one was given to you because a higher power knew you had the strength to cope with it. Keep your chin up. The first six months of my ds's life were absolutley the hardest, most difficult, challenging, torturous thing I've ever gone through. But this too will pass and you will start feeling human again soon
Big hugs for you kuraiza. My Ds is a few months older than yours, but he was a bad sleeper from the beginning too. He was feeding every 2 hours both during the night and day, and like you, I found it all so exhausting. It was even harder when you would tell people how he was a bad sleeper, how many hours he would sleep for etc, and they would look at me like I was lying!
We even went through a period over the September school holidays, where he woke every half hour! He did this every night for 2 weeks solid.
Can your DH help out? Maybe make a bottle and go to bed early, and get DH to settle him in for the night. You might get a couple of hours extra sleep. I found that when DH could do this, I would get a bit extra sleep, and felt a bit better. Also, DH would sometimes do this of a morning when possible, and I would have a long shower, clean my face etc.. and feel so much better after that as well.
We had DS sleeping in a bassinette in our room, and then went and bought a Amby Baby Hammock, to see if it would help with his sleep (plus he had this need to be held as much as possible, still does infact) He didn't take to the hammock at all sadly. Our next step was to buy a 'Sleep Sheep' this helped a little, but mainly when we first put him into bed.
We did the bath before bed thing, the massage thing, the bath then massage thing. Going to bed early, late or whenever!
I found people were forever telling me that it would get better! I hated it, how did they know it would get better? And when would it happen?? I felt bad wishing he would just sleep and be quiet, especially after we had been through IVF to have this special little person in our lives. But coming in here and finding that other mummies out there had been through it all and felt the same, made me feel not so alone anymore..
We were advised by DS paed at his 7 week check up to sleep him on his tummy during the day, due to his head being a little lop sided. The first time we did this he slept 4 hours!! I then found myself when he was around 3 months old, putting him on his belly around 5am after a feed. Gradually I found myself putting him on his belly earlier and earlier during the night and now at 6 months he is a fulltime belly sleeper and sleeps for about 3-4 hours at a time. Just before christmas he started sleeping at 5-6 hour intervals and it was absolute heaven. then we went away and it all turned bad again lol!
Last night he went to bed at 6pm (something he never does) and woke at 4.30 am I was of course having trouble sleeping, because I was waiting for him to wake. I bet you he doesn't sleep like that tonight.
Hope your DS starts sleeping better soon, kuraiza. Thinking of you...
Kuraiza, hopefully after all of the previous posts you are not feeling like you are the only one. Being a new mum with an unsettled baby puts you in what feels like the lonliest place in the world. I am on the Gold Coast. Please pm me if you want someone to talk to. Even if it is just for a quick coffee, to get out of the house... I am always keen for a coffee.. especially if it comes with cake!! Oh, and I am a pretty good listener as well!!
I wish I could tell you when it gets better, but it's different for each baby. I found with both my boys that by 6 months we were cruising along, but it was getting easier each day before then. I agree with Trillian that it sounds like he could have a problem like reflux? DS1 would cry all day and not sleep unless I held him. I was going crazy and was in tears a lot of the time - at my wits end I took him to a paediatric chiropractor and it turns out that his right shoulder had been dislocated since birth and no one else had picked up on it . He was a MUCH happier baby once it was rectified. Chiros can even help with reflux babies, I took DS2 who was diagnosed with reflux and after one session and also following the chiros advice regarding feeding, his reflux was gone within 5 days.
I should have mentioned the chiro in my previous post, but I was kind of rushing to make dinner and I forgot .
I so understand where you are cpming from. I have 2 bubs that don't sleep. I don't have a magic wand to fix your sleep problems - I wish I could.
What worked for me at 3 months - a 3 months old needs to go back to sleep after about 2 - 3 hours of being awake otherwise they get overtired and then can't get to sleep. If possible get a blockout blind for his room and make it dark and cool as possible. Have a consistant sleep routine - same song, same phrase "it's time to sleep now Mummy loves you" feed your little man in his room, pop him in the cot and pat gently until he falls asleep - it might take a while but it will work. he will soon associate the feed, the song and the sleeptime phrase with actual sleep.
I know it's hard and it makes you think "why does everyone elses baby sleep", rest assured they don't. I'm still up with DD 2-3 times a night and she's almost 14 months old.
Hang in there, if you're interested there is a sleep consultant that will do phone consults - google Sleep and Settle. She helped us enormously I would reccommed her.
I just wanted to say a big Yay! On going to mum's group. I remember what that was like- leaving the house is a military operation when bubs is still so little. ANd when you're so tired you feel like your not quite really there- like you're dreaming.
And excellent work on the re-settling, it will hopefully make all the difference.
kuraiza - re our BB group - I think what has happened is that alot of us in the group have had subsequent babies this time around, and therefore have already experienced that lack of sleep comes with the turf of being a mum. So, it may well seem we are all cruisey and sunshine, but of course we have our times with our bubs too.
I think this time around for me, Zander is a result of karma from Giselle - who was a nightmare until about 6 months ago!!
I think I have previously posted that there is always more good than bad, but when you are so terribly exhausted, it is hard to see.
These ladies have given great suggestions, - to add, instead of a chiro, have him checked over by an osteo - they should charge less for babies, and that box can be ticked. He might be tight down one side which makes it uncomfortable for him to be in any one position for a length of time, not necessarily pain, just uncomfortable enough to prevent him going back to sleep. That is the only other thing I can think of that hasn't been posted!
Try marking on your calendar 3 days of the week in advance which days you will go out at first - mentally you will be ready, pack bags the night before, wash hair night before - so a quick shower and you can get out of the house.
Continue to take those baby steps, they are important for you both !
Chained to a wheel
Reply With Quote
I'm really sorry you are feeling like this. As our babies are the same age I really have no practical advice! 
. 
I was of course having trouble sleeping, because I was waiting for him to wake. I bet you he doesn't sleep like that tonight.
.
Bookmarks