Ah, no, Lulu, not quite as long...I win!
I think my shortest ever posts were the ones I posted in my Baby Buddies section in the first 10 or so weeks of DS's life, when he had Tongue Tie (then got it snipped and had to get used to his new tongue), I had nipple damage and nipple vasospasm. It probably seemed that I was having a fantastic babymoon because I didn't dwell on these things in my posts (but I did mention them), instead focussing on the lovely bits - which were genuine and actually pulled me through that time that would otherwise have become a blur and wiped from my mind! Anyway, my point is that it might help for you to confess to your Baby Buddies. A few in our group had similar 'settling' issues, stopped BFing, regretted it cos it didn't help, and ended up being diagnosed with forms of PND. These beautiful women were also the ones who didn't have any support around them and were isolated from family and friends. Your local ABA group is not just there to sort out booby issues, they are very much there to provide mother to mother support in your parenting journey. Without my group, I have no idea where I'd be. They are amongst my trusted friends now.
I also remembered another nugget. This one from my first MCHN - keep it simple. Go back to basics when things are going pearshaped - is baby fed, clean, rested, cool/warm enough? Then go from there. She was gold (she left the service, sadly!) and this saved me from overdiagnosing and overcomplicating our lives in those early days.
We're all thinking of you!
Kuraisa, perhaps you have already tried this (and I admit I haven't read through everyone else's posts!) but is it worth trying to re-settle him just before the 40-45min mark? I know this works for some people and eventually the baby gets into a new groove and sleeps longer.
From my personal experience, I think you are amazing for doing this without much support. Natalie was unsettled for the first 6 months or so. There were some days I really didn't like her at all (even though I loved her because she was my baby, IYKWIM). But I was fortunate in that I had family nearby who I could visit, who loved her even though she cried all the time, and they gave me respite.
I found an afternoon walk provided a great time to recharge and she did sleep in the pram for 40 mins.
I found Tressillian were a brilliant help to me, and while I understand it isn't the same for everyone, I found they were very reassuring IRT 'normal' infant behaviour. I only used the over the phone service but I still found it helpful.
You might find there's an ABA group in your area? They may be a supportive group for you to be a part of if you think that'd help. (It could be worth a go in any case?)
I don't know what else to say. I recognise your desperation and I just wish I could help you. Can your DH take a sick day or a leave day before a weekend so that you can have a day and night off to rest (between feeds) then he can have the weekend to recuperate before work again on Monday? Things may seem a fraction easier to cope with if you've had a bit of a catchup on some sleep.
Take care of you, mate.
I know how utterly exhausting these non-sleeping babies can be! I can't offer any real advice (i never did find a way to stretch out the time between ds's frequent night wakings, and dd is hopeless too!) but i'd like to tell you this:
- frequent waking is common, normal and will have no negative effects on your baby (only on you!)
- things may get a bit better by themselves. dd only had half-hour naps til a couple of months ago; now she has one long one (1-2 hours) and a short one. i did absolutely nothing to change her sleep pattern - she just changed things by herself.
- breastfeeding is a wonderful thing to do for your baby. do you know for sure you don't have enough milk? i know that depleted feeling that comes from constant feeding, but chances are your milk is fine. giving formula may not be the best thing to do if you want to continue breastfeeding (this is not to criticise the use of formula - i'm just concerned that you might be better off getting some advice or reassurance from the aba or a lactation consultant - see one through a public hospital or ask your mchn if you can't afford private).
the other posters have given you some great ideas for combatting social isolation. get out there among the other mums and you will find people who are struggling with sleep deprivation, loneliness and the relentless demands of new motherhood. best of luck, and hugs to you.
Your suggestions are very good, unfortunately with my fatigue I find the prospect of leaving the house almost terrifyingly exhausting, however I realise that I need to seek social interaction in order to combat my social isolation. I have to start with baby steps, one thing at a time.
Yesterday I went to mother's group and I was almost panicking before I left the house, but once I was there everything was fine so I know I will be able to do it confidently again next week.
We're trying hard to work out Jude's sleeping arrangements so we've just bought a cot for his room which will be better ventilated and ultimately cooler at night for him to sleep more comfortably. I moved his bassinet to the living room where there's air conditioning and I took the advice Snacks gave me and tried to resettle before he fully woke up. He woke up anyway, but because he's right behind me I was on the case in 2 seconds and now he's asleep again. That's the first time I've ever successfully resettled him so I am very pleased.
My husband took a week of paid leave to be home with me and sort things out, too.
I have considered PND which is why I ended up seeing a clinical psychologist. I don't believe I have PND, just extreme fatigue which makes me situationally depressed, not chemically if you know what I mean.
I guess all I wanted was for someone to understand me and to know what it's like to be this completely fatigued so that even leaving the house seems like the most daunting task ever.
Oh, I so understand mate.
Congratulations on the resettling, and I'm so pleased your DH can take some time off. I'm sure that time will be invaluable for you to recuperate.
Take care - we are always here to listen and understand whenever you need it.
Good girl for going to mother's group, it really helps to just get out and talk to other mums. I'm so glad you resettled him! I used to do what Snacks suggested about resettling with DS2. He would do 40 minute sleep cycles, so I would go in to him a few minutes before 40 minutes and watch him. As soon as he stirred (he would sigh and move his head) I would pat him on his tummy to help him through to the next sleep cycle. It didn't work with every nap, but it usually worked once a day. My persistance paid off when one day he finally worked out how to go into the next sleep cycle by himself. So keep it up and it will pay off!
That's awesome too that your DH took some time off. I hope things start looking up for you soon
Another mum of a crappy sleeper here
Glad to have read through this and found a bit of good news. Well done on getting out to your MG, hope you can connnect with some of the other mummies there. And REALLY good news on resettling bubs.
The hug-a-bub got us through our hell in the early days.... and once he slept (at all) during the day, we found his night sleep improved also. We've had good and bad periods with sleep, but he still sleeps very little. Don't mean to sound disheartening, was just going to second the poster who said your body adapts and you cope.
All the best to you
your orignal post is what everyday of the past 13 months has been for me .
in the end i couldnt get up anymore for me it was every hour , and began co sleeping , i've been a single parent since 4 months . if your like me , going to be use to be pre baby wind down time , so for me co sleeping has been just another problem .
We have failed sleep school twice , sleeping her on her back and controlled cry didn't work for us , neither did wrapping , holding , rocking or singing . taping , pram pushing , self settling , comfort toy or a pillow .
Try Soft Music Over night , weather it be lullabys or nursery rhymes its up to u , that worked for a couple of weeks i would get one stretch of 2.5 hrs from that .
i have a light sleeper , if found most of the over nighters in my baby group were getting a " dream feed " prior to the parent going to sleep i could never work that out i cant move dd when shes a sleep she wakes .
feel free to contact me if u want more info or to bounce idea;'s, but i hope you find somthing that works for you because i dont wish the last 12 months on anyone .
kuraiza - Something that's helped me to get out of the house is to get everything ready the night before, while DH is around to help look after DD.
I always make sure her stroller is ready to go, so that after a feed and change I can put her straight in her stroller and leave the house.
Also on some walks I take my ipod with me and listen to music - it makes me feel like I'm just walking around and not looking after a baby IYKWIM. I get to disconnect from things mentally a bit, I get some exercise (which helps my mood) and often she'll fall asleep for a little while if I walk far enough.
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