You are doing the best you can do under REALLY stressful, tiring, full on circumstances. Hats off to you for studying, & working & being a Mum & partner. Jazzy loves you, no matter what, just the way you love her.
Oh my gosh hun, you are NOT a bad mummy, a bad mummy would think that yelling is the way you are meant to talk to your kids. We all do it and sometimes more than others, I will be totally fine and something will set me off and I will think, heck I am glad the windows are shut because of the neighbours. Don't feel guilty babe, one thing I do as well is once I have calmed down and I am hugging the kids again I apologise for yelling etc. I tell her that mummy was angry and that because of that I yelled, but I really shouldn't have. I want them to learn that anger is ok but there are appropriate ways to deal with it and inappropriate and I am only human too but not scared to say sorry.
Also is there any way you can reshuffle your night routine to get her to bed earlier? Ours are usually in bed at 7-7:30. If it gets much past 8 I get antsy because I go to bed at 9:30 and I need some time out by myself. You are NOT selfish wanting that time hun, it is late and you have heaps on your plate with study and work. xoxo Hope you can work things out a bit and find a way to be at peace.
We all have "screaming banshee mean Mummy" moments. Don't feel bad it happens to the best of us When you feel a banshee moment coming on try and remember there are probably several of us having the very same thoughts. Walk away, take a few deep breaths, whisper a call for help to your BB family for the strength to go back in and know that we are are there behind you in spirit. xxx
I'm sure a lot of us have banshee moments. I know when I had an assignment due in first semester this year (my first ever semester at uni) I was exactly the same. Part of my problem was that dh was in the lounge room and know I was in the study "trying" to study, and he'd just be watching tv or playing playstation while ds came and wanted on my lap, or draw at the desk (not on the floor), and I ended up having to wait til ds was in bed to even make an attempt at assignments, be up til 2am, then start the day over at 6am. Not pretty.
Thankfully, we have *just* started a new routine. I was sick of the 930 bed time too. One day I decided THAT'S IT! New routine (coz there wasnt really one to start with). IT only started Nov 1st, and has it's moments, but he's in bed by 730, and finally asleep by 830.
It's taken all year for me to realise that I can prioritise how I do things. Be: pregnant, a mum, housewife, wife, employee, student and myself (although, I'm still working on that last one). It's exhausting. But if I can do it, you can do it!
Oh hun, please don't beat yourself up... what you describe honestly sounds like my house 7 days a week - and I'm not even studying or working so I have no excuse to lose the plot!! Bedtime and my kids are like oil and water at the moment, it drives me absolutely batty.. I just posted a big whine about never getting couple time or me time because my parents never want to look after the kids and usually they go to bed late so I have to go to bed straight away... /hijack!
The other girls have some great advice for you, I just want you to know you're not alone (as much as it sucks) and that I hear you loud and clear! You've got a heck of a lot on your plate atm and you *need* time for yourself and for you and Shel to be together, time to study without distraction, time to recharge your batteries and relax!!
*hugs*
i do exactly the same. and hey, i don't even study or work so i may just be pure evil or we may just be self-deprived mum's who hold on & on till finally we break & lose it.
i don't 'know' you but i do read your posts. i think you have a wonderful level of emotional maturity & self awareness but that you also strive for greater awareness. you've identified that things right now aren't the way you'd like them to be. so what's the ideal here? (bed, book, cuddles, lights out & not a peep till 7? ok, that's just me...but you know what i mean?) maybe it's not achieveable right now but if you know what the two ends of the spectrum are, can you identify some middle ground & some practical changes you can make that would help? i'm not going to suggest what they could be, cos everyone is different. but i reckon there's got to be something there that might help. and that will help you get through this. this stage will pass - it's the frustration of not having a finish date that drives me bonkers so find some tools that'll help you get by till the time comes.
and don't be too harsh on yourself. no one is perfect, we all do things we're not proud of. it's how you learn & grow from these things that make us better. and it seems to me that you're a pretty great person already
I couldn't read and not reply. Your post made me cry.
This is me.
The mummy that sweeps her gorgeous boy up in the morning, both of us smiles and giggles, and then the mummy that tells me him how much of a pita he is when he won't sleep when I "need" him too. Only I have slammed the door, right in his little face and my heart breaks when I hear him sob. It's too late then, I've done the damage.
I've been working on my patience and frustration levels too the last month. This week I've only lost it twice.
Slowly slowly.
Hun I think all of us have been there too.
Sometimes after teaching all day and being so loving and patient with other people's kids I turn into "that" mother too.
Please be kind to yourself, you have a lot on your plate. Can you get SIL or someone to babysit and you and Shel go on a "date night" ?
Thank you everyone Thank you for all your kind replies
The last few days have been better. Maybe because I've posted, and put it out there, that I've had to think about it and when it comes to bed time I'm thinking to myself... Ok I want to be calm, I don't want anything to post about on BB (haha). I've had one minor meltdown, and little bit of loud talking (lol, I don't think it was QUITE yelling) and I walked away. I yelled in my room with the door shut, that was a bit better since it wasn't actually at anyone, or at least in anyones face. I've also been doing A LOT of yoga haha!
We've talked about dropping her day sleep, although Shel's not sure because she needs that down time during the day, which I understand. And a lot of the time she doesn't actually put her to sleep, Jazz just sits down on the couch and falls asleep (why can't she do that at night? lol). Jazz is becoming 'miss independent' so won't let Shel rock her to sleep during the day anymore, which means when she does fall asleep it's at about 1pm. And then Shel says "Oh I can't wake her up the quiet is so peaceful". And who am I to say "no you MUST wake her up, I need my me time at night"? If Shel had come home and said that to me when she was working and I was at home I'd probably have grabbed something very solid and smacked her over the head with it. And then shoved it somewhere very uncomfortable for her...
I think I need some time management courses HAHA! No seriously, I do. Uni do some, although they aren't really helpful because they're from a uni and studying point of view, and not a busy mum/partner/employee/student point of view. So the ideas they put out are fine, if uni is your main focus. I mean sure, it is a HUGE focus point for me, but Jazz and Shel will always come before it, so I need time to nurture those relationships, and work is a huge thing because I can't just study and hope that the electricity and real estate and phone company will decide thats good enough for them ya know.
But I still WANT to study. I just need to make it work.
I have those days too. Only today I was yelling at 6:30am...
He's off happy now and I'm in here pretending I don't have any children
I wouldnt' drop the day sleep - when DS misses his the last 4 hours of the day are hell x 1000.
Good luck with your time management
Hell x 1000 ... actually, that's pretty accurate ... LOL!
If only she'd go to bed earlier inthe day. At the moment it's after lunch, so around 1pm. TOO LATE TO SLEEP!
I think we all have nights like that! I'm the same. It's so hard to be a 'good mum' all the time but the fact that you realise what you are doing is not the best way to behave shows just how wonderful a mummy you are. It's so tough to work and study and have a little one!! I finished uni just afer my DD was born and I had been working FT and studying PT which was so stressful. Finding time to study and be there for your partner is exhausting - throw a 2 year old into the mix and I'm pretty sure I would of lost my mind!!! So in my opinion I think you are doing remarkebly well! Try to relax and be kind to yourself
from here too.
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We all do it and sometimes more than others, I will be totally fine and something will set me off and I will think, heck I am glad the windows are shut because of the neighbours. Don't feel guilty babe, one thing I do as well is once I have calmed down and I am hugging the kids again I apologise for yelling etc. I tell her that mummy was angry and that because of that I yelled, but I really shouldn't have. I want them to learn that anger is ok but there are appropriate ways to deal with it and inappropriate and I am only human too but not scared to say sorry.
When you feel a banshee moment coming on try and remember there are probably several of us having the very same thoughts. Walk away, take a few deep breaths, whisper a call for help to your BB family for the strength to go back in and know that we are are there behind you in spirit. xxx
or we may just be self-deprived mum's who hold on & on till finally we break & lose it.
I think we all have nights like that! I'm the same. It's so hard to be a 'good mum' all the time but the fact that you realise what you are doing is not the best way to behave shows just how wonderful a mummy you are. It's so tough to work and study and have a little one!! I finished uni just afer my DD was born and I had been working FT and studying PT which was so stressful. Finding time to study and be there for your partner is exhausting - throw a 2 year old into the mix and I'm pretty sure I would of lost my mind!!! So in my opinion I think you are doing remarkebly well!
Try to relax and be kind to yourself
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