I have to agree, it doesn't mean what you think it does. Dd once said the same to me and it turned out it was because I didn't give her chocolate for dinner or something equally ridiculous. I just respond with "Nope, love you" and leave it at that
Although I am sure that you all are right, somewhere deep down I honestly think she thought it. Shes been pretty good with having DD3 around, but I know shes felt the changes.
The girls are in bed now, and Ive had some time to think about it. Im starting to think that she was trying to tell me in her own words how shes feeling. I know the balance in this home has been out for a while now and maybe its time for me to focus on fixing that balance.
Its hard because DD1 was never like DD2, she has never ever said that sort of stuff to me or DH, but I suppose theres always a first!
I agree with the PP. But I can understand your anguish too. Just know that you're doing a fantastic job. The fact that you HEAR your child, and I mean really hear her, is to be applauded. You obviously care a great deal about your relationship with your daughters. There's nothing wrong with that! And it's ok to feel gutted, too. I promise you though, you're doing just great.
I agree with the others in that a. that would've been really scary to hear, and b. she doesn't mean it. At least, not the way you understand 'hating' her would mean. I wonder whether it's possible though that she's expressing concern that she could be the source of stress or unhappiness in you? My DD said to me recently 'I make you very sad Mum?'. Broke my heart. Of course she doesn't make me very sad. But it made me realize that in her egocentric 2 yr old world, she just sees that Mummy is unhappy, sometimes she gets cross etc. when dealing with me... therefore I am the cause of Mummy's unhappiness. I have gone to great lengths to explain (in as simple ways as possible) about what's actually making me tearful and grumpy (exhaustion, worry...) and make sure she knows that she is not responsible, and in fact, gives me great joy. She seems to get it... last time I got teary she said "you're sad because you didn't have a good sleep Mummy? I can cuddle you to help?". Nnnnaaaaaaaaawwwwww.
Forshelby, thank you, your post has humbled me, if humbled is the word I am looking for.
Santosha, I think sitting down with the girls will have to be done again and explain things on their level to them.
i talked to dh about it last night, and explained that I think its not their behaviour that needs changing but our parenting does. I need to work out what the problems and and fix them. I need to be there for them and work out what is going wrong in our lives at the moment for DD2 to be venting like that.
Whilst I too agree with what the others have said in that she most likely didn't mean that she thinks you 'hate' her, I hear you when you say that you think she is trying to explain how she feels. Is it likely that DD2 is feeling 'put out' by the new baby? I think the talking to your girls is a good idea, but perhaps you could also try and 'do' things to help your DD understand that you do love and appreciate her. I imagine it would be very difficult with a 1 month old baby to give your older girls time, but is it possible to set aside some 'special' time with each girl at some point during the day? Maybe they can choose something they would like to do during that time and you can have some wonderful 1:1 time together. It doesn't have to be a huge length of time.... Perhaps that would help them to see how much you do love and care for them?
Thanks Chody47,
Thankfully both the big girls are perfect little mummies with DD3, Dd2 is especially helpful. Does anything for her sister. The only jealously at the moment from DD2, is she cant work out why she cant fit into DD3's cute clothes!
But yes I am trying to give them some one on one time. We try and have special time with both the big girls on DH's days off. So I take DD1 and DD3 to dd1's dancing lesson, whilst DH has Dd2 and they do some special stuff. Then I take Dd2 and have some special time with her whilst dd1 is at swimming lessons. We do have some chances for one on one time during the day, I think I just need to make more time for them.
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in DD2's own words...
I agree with the PP. But I can understand your anguish too. Just know that you're doing a fantastic job. The fact that you HEAR your child, and I mean really hear her, is to be applauded. You obviously care a great deal about your relationship with your daughters. There's nothing wrong with that! And it's ok to feel gutted, too. I promise you though, you're doing just great.
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