I agree with the others in that a. that would've been really scary to hear, and b. she doesn't mean it. At least, not the way you understand 'hating' her would mean. I wonder whether it's possible though that she's expressing concern that she could be the source of stress or unhappiness in you? My DD said to me recently 'I make you very sad Mum?'. Broke my heart. Of course she doesn't make me very sad. But it made me realize that in her egocentric 2 yr old world, she just sees that Mummy is unhappy, sometimes she gets cross etc. when dealing with me... therefore I am the cause of Mummy's unhappiness. I have gone to great lengths to explain (in as simple ways as possible) about what's actually making me tearful and grumpy (exhaustion, worry...) and make sure she knows that she is not responsible, and in fact, gives me great joy. She seems to get it... last time I got teary she said "you're sad because you didn't have a good sleep Mummy? I can cuddle you to help?". Nnnnaaaaaaaaawwwwww.
Forshelby, thank you, your post has humbled me, if humbled is the word I am looking for.
Santosha, I think sitting down with the girls will have to be done again and explain things on their level to them.
i talked to dh about it last night, and explained that I think its not their behaviour that needs changing but our parenting does. I need to work out what the problems and and fix them. I need to be there for them and work out what is going wrong in our lives at the moment for DD2 to be venting like that.
Whilst I too agree with what the others have said in that she most likely didn't mean that she thinks you 'hate' her, I hear you when you say that you think she is trying to explain how she feels. Is it likely that DD2 is feeling 'put out' by the new baby? I think the talking to your girls is a good idea, but perhaps you could also try and 'do' things to help your DD understand that you do love and appreciate her. I imagine it would be very difficult with a 1 month old baby to give your older girls time, but is it possible to set aside some 'special' time with each girl at some point during the day? Maybe they can choose something they would like to do during that time and you can have some wonderful 1:1 time together. It doesn't have to be a huge length of time.... Perhaps that would help them to see how much you do love and care for them?
Thanks Chody47,
Thankfully both the big girls are perfect little mummies with DD3, Dd2 is especially helpful. Does anything for her sister. The only jealously at the moment from DD2, is she cant work out why she cant fit into DD3's cute clothes!
But yes I am trying to give them some one on one time. We try and have special time with both the big girls on DH's days off. So I take DD1 and DD3 to dd1's dancing lesson, whilst DH has Dd2 and they do some special stuff. Then I take Dd2 and have some special time with her whilst dd1 is at swimming lessons. We do have some chances for one on one time during the day, I think I just need to make more time for them.
Big hugs for you BB, you have to trust in yourself that you are doing your absolute best
You have received some excellent advice so i'm not about to repeat it all but i just wanted to say that after my tough days i sit down when things are finally quiet and think about it, why it may have been like it was and what i could do to change it.
Most of the time if i am a little extra stressed then the kids pick up on it and make things so much harder. So i find i need to keep calm even when i'm stressed or in a rush and they kids can be their usual calm selves.
One example that i've seen happen time and again for me is if i am rushing around and raising my voise at the kids to hurry up and put their shoes on, get in the car, sit in your seat, do this to that, they will deliberately make things longer and harder.
So i have learnt that my moods have a lot to do with how the kids behave. With what i imagine you're dealing with right now (I was there not too long ago ) things can get pretty hectic and all i can say is if you can contol how you feel (or what the kids sense you are feeling) the kids will hopefully take it a little easier on you. I am not saying you're to blame at all so please don't take it like that i'm just saying that this can be where the rebellion begins sometimes.
Learning to be a mum of 1, 2, 3 and more is a big thing each time and as well as the kids settling in you are too. So take it easy on yourselves.
One thing i make a point of doing is often at random times of the day is calling the kids to me and giving them big hugs and kisses and telling them i love them. Even when i've been a grumpy mum that day, or they've been a little cheeky and they know it. So no matter what they know i love them.f
Good luck to you and your DH with your little ladies
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) things can get pretty hectic and all i can say is if you can contol how you feel (or what the kids sense you are feeling) the kids will hopefully take it a little easier on you. I am not saying you're to blame at all so please don't take it like that i'm just saying that this can be where the rebellion begins sometimes.
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