can you get your hands on a copy of the science of parenting by margot sutherland? she has some great info in the book on the development of the human brain/emotions and offers some suggestions on what are gentle ways to try and deal with unwanted behaviour. i've found that it helps to have a reference point to why my DS may be acting in a certain way. we're not at the 'i won't' stage (yet!) but i recall seeing a chapter/section specifically on this!