My DS can be very similar. When he throws tantrums, the only thing that will calm him down quickly is to stop and say "do you want a cuddle". Without fail he says yes & can't get into our arms quick enough. Once he's calm, he instantly becomes reasonable again. It seems like he just needs more reassurance. It is hard to do sometimes when I'm really frustrated with him or looking after DD. Have you tried that method?

seems like you need one.