i need some coping strategies...

[PinkPalace]

MMm this post isnt easy for me, even those that know me well wont know this side of me as i keep it very well hidden, But i am going to try to post.

I need some coping strategies.

I need help not to yell, scream and swear when it gets to much.
The look on my babies faces break my heart and i feel that my Dh is wearing then.
I go to bed each night hating myself, telling myself tomorrow i will do better but i dont.

I am usually fine until about 3pm, i am tired, exhausted, the kids are feral, DD is testing my limits, DS just wants his mummy. And i need some coping stratagies to get through this slump every afternoon until bedtime.

Please dont tell me to put the tv on, as i hate the amount of tv DD watches as it is, i am tempted to pull all the tv's out of the wal, because it just ads to my parenting guilt.

mmm i might stop there before you have a page of thought vomit.

[Oorki Galoorki]

do your kids have sleeps during the day? you need to rest too..
often i find at about 4pm a good "run" around the back yard(no matter the weather) helps with the kids and the fresh are refreshes me to.

i am a screamer too so i get how annoying that is in its self..

[bubno.3]

MMm this post isnt easy for me, even those that know me well wont know this side of me as i keep it very well hidden, But i am going to try to post.

I need some coping strategies.

I need help not to yell, scream and swear when it gets to much.
The look on my babies faces break my heart and i feel that my Dh is wearing then.
I go to bed each night hating myself, telling myself tomorrow i will do better but i dont.

I am usually fine until about 3pm, i am tired, exhausted, the kids are feral, DD is testing my limits, DS just wants his mummy. And i need some coping stratagies to get through this slump every afternoon until bedtime.

Please dont tell me to put the tv on, as i hate the amount of tv DD watches as it is, i am tempted to pull all the tv's out of the wal, because it just ads to my parenting guilt.

mmm i might stop there before you have a page of thought vomit.

Honey please dont feel bad for writing this post
Are you a SAHM?
Im not attacking stay at home mums at all before people jump at me BUT thats why i couldnt do it day in day out without a) becoming a alcoholic or b) go insane as i personally cant handle the mum mum mum and the why why whys and the constant attention they want from us ....
YOu have your hands pretty full dear girl so please giuve yourself a break .... what 3 kids under 3 yrs (did i add up correctly?) no wonder your feeling stressed and having slumps .....
Have you thought of daycare a couple of days a week? I love it and seriously i wouldnt contemplate more kids if they didnt exist!
If you feel exhausted you can put them in for full day half day and do things for YOU ... sleep movies hair nails .
Do you get support from your DH if not why?

cheers

[PinkPalace]

dou dou
DD doesnt day sleep - hasnt in over 8 months.
We try to go for a long walk down to the beach so she is buggered by the time we get home and ready for bath, dinner and bed.

Bubno3
I have 2 bubbas
I am not a SAHM.
I work shift work (mostly weekends) 1-2 days a week (although last week i worked 4 days).
i cant justify care on days im not working. We just cant afford it. The only reason i use care is so i can work iykwim
DH is great, he is a wonderful supportive Dad, helps around the house.

it is seriously my issue and i need to find ways to diffuse

[~clover~]

Honey I'm the same.
You know I'm not far away if you need a day away My kiddies will keep them busy
I'm getting better, alot better, but its so hard. I have to literally tell myself to take a breath & calm down, stop screaming!
(Having a sore throat for a week helps, lol)

When mine get too much, shower is the answer. I'll put them, or just DS in there for a bit. I'd do the bath, but I personally don't feel the need to sit with them in the shower. I can't leave them in the bath.

I really don't know if thats possible for you. Your DS is younger than mine.

Any time. I'm here, if you just want to talk. I know how horrible you feel. I really do.

[~Kaz~]

Have you tried some relaxation training/strategies darl? for yourself I mean.

I don't know much about having toddlers/babies during ferral afternoon hour (although I have it to look forward to ) but it sounds like your stress levels reach a peak (possibly many times an afternoon/evening) and then you explode verbally which brings your stress levels down a notch or two? Perhaps just monitor yourself for a few days without trying to change anything just yet - note down what specific external events are more likely to set your stress levels rising as well as what you are thinking about the events. This should give you some really good information about what triggers you to yell and scream (as opposed to general level stressful stuff that you don't scream over). So it might be specific things the kids are doing or saying, or it could be more how you're already feeling with the tiredness etc. Once you've learned some simple relaxation (if you already have these skills thats great) then you can start to try and relax yourself when you feel your stress levels rising beyond the level you know you can manage. There are lots of ways of self monitoring - for example, you can think of your stress as a themometer and mentally check in to rate how you're feeling with 0 being totally calm and 10 being exploding and yelling etc. Then work out your point of no return. For some people this might be a 9 but for others they get to a 5 or 6 and then jump straight to 10 when that final straw occurs. I hope this is making sense. I guess I'm talking about identifying your early warning signs that an explosion is imminent so that you can intervene yourself to head it off. With the relaxation, it takes a while, like any new skill but once you've got the hang of it you can relax your body substantially in just a few seconds by taking the right kind of breaths, saying a calming mantra to yourself, tensing and relaxing just one muscle group etc. Another strategy might be to call in your DH (once he's home of course) to give you a quick 5 or 10 min time out to breathe or scream into a pillow or whatever it takes so you can return to your kids.

I take my hat off to you. You're doing a great job even though you don't believe it and this is something you CAN change. I've got a great relaxation and stress management book - PM me if you want the name. It's really easy to read and has loads of strategies.

[PinkPalace]

thanks girls.
i will try to visualise and relax before reacting.

Here is an example from this arvo.
Dinner time - DD decides to spread rice all over the floor off her plate.
i ask her to stay away as i need to mop the floor (ok ok didnt need to be dont right now and i see that in hind sight).
She comes over to crawl through the rice as i am cleaning it, DS follows her and slips over hittin ghis head on the tiles, i crack it at DD for coming over (i know it wasnt her fault but i reacted).

So i finished cleaning and put the kids in the playroom for 5 mins of time out for me, i come out and DD has my car keys out of the drawers, and has scratched the walls and all the doors in our rental property, again i crack it and start trying to clean and buff it (again i know it didnt need to be done at that exact time but i am a clean freak).

DS wants me and come up and grabs my hair pulling it hard, i scream as it hurt, DS crys, DD goes for the keys again.

i loose it and put everyone to bed with milk.

this is just today, and i know i didnt cope well with the situation, and i hate myself for the ways i reacted.

[~clover~]

Go in, cuddle DD. Look at them while they are sleeping & remember how much you really do love them.

Maybe you could give DD a special box. Have a book & some nibbly food & a few toys in there. Change the contents every day & when you need the 10 - 20 minutes to do those things, go sit her down give her the box & let her find the suprises in there.
Use the same toys etc, just swap them around every day

HTH

[~Kaz~]

darl. That sounds rough.

Is it often a cleaning/cleaniness/tidiness issue that is the trigger for you? You might need to adjust your expectations or standards temporarily - so reminding yourself that you can clean/tidy up once the kids are in bed in X minutes might help you stay on track with moving them through their bedtime routine? Or have a plan with your DH that when the mess starts, he will take the kids so you can clean up or vice versa?

[Snacks]

3pm is when I take the girls out for a walk
If it is raining and you can't go on your walk (and can I just say, you can go on a "beach walk"?... JEALOUS here!!!) then we put on a CD or wiggles DVD (sorry, I know you said no telly, but it's music, LOL!) and have a dance.
If that's no good, how would your DD do with some playdoh or collage? Something like that if you don't do it too often might be exciting enough to keep her occupied for a half hour or so?
Look, I can totally relate and I haven't been doing the 2-kid-thing for as long as you have. I go completely nuts at DD sometimes. So much so that she's started getting cross with her toys every now and again - imitating me. I hate it and wish I had more self-control. The reality is my DD doesn't really respond to me yelling at her - it's just that I can't help myself. *hugs* mate.