Have you tried some relaxation training/strategies darl? for yourself I mean.

I don't know much about having toddlers/babies during ferral afternoon hour (although I have it to look forward to ) but it sounds like your stress levels reach a peak (possibly many times an afternoon/evening) and then you explode verbally which brings your stress levels down a notch or two? Perhaps just monitor yourself for a few days without trying to change anything just yet - note down what specific external events are more likely to set your stress levels rising as well as what you are thinking about the events. This should give you some really good information about what triggers you to yell and scream (as opposed to general level stressful stuff that you don't scream over). So it might be specific things the kids are doing or saying, or it could be more how you're already feeling with the tiredness etc. Once you've learned some simple relaxation (if you already have these skills thats great) then you can start to try and relax yourself when you feel your stress levels rising beyond the level you know you can manage. There are lots of ways of self monitoring - for example, you can think of your stress as a themometer and mentally check in to rate how you're feeling with 0 being totally calm and 10 being exploding and yelling etc. Then work out your point of no return. For some people this might be a 9 but for others they get to a 5 or 6 and then jump straight to 10 when that final straw occurs. I hope this is making sense. I guess I'm talking about identifying your early warning signs that an explosion is imminent so that you can intervene yourself to head it off. With the relaxation, it takes a while, like any new skill but once you've got the hang of it you can relax your body substantially in just a few seconds by taking the right kind of breaths, saying a calming mantra to yourself, tensing and relaxing just one muscle group etc. Another strategy might be to call in your DH (once he's home of course) to give you a quick 5 or 10 min time out to breathe or scream into a pillow or whatever it takes so you can return to your kids.

I take my hat off to you. You're doing a great job even though you don't believe it and this is something you CAN change. I've got a great relaxation and stress management book - PM me if you want the name. It's really easy to read and has loads of strategies.