I'm thinking he sounds a little like my darling boy who is on the spectrum too.

DS has a few obsessions, so I play to those. Counting always seems to distract him, as do counting games. (My DS is 5 and sums work brilliantly.) He likes Angry Birds, so I tell him that "Angry Birds like..." or "Angry Birds don't like..." or "XYZ is a green piggy thing" and that seems to make him fairly biddable. Superheroes also work wonders.

At age 3, I did expect my DS to verbalise everything because I do not deal with tantrums. He can tell me what the problem is. It may involve calming him down a little first, but it stands him in good stead for later in life. A lot of DS's trigger points I don't understand, but I do know that saying "s'okay mate, doesn't matter" doesn't make sense to him either. So I promise him that everything is OK (ie he's turned the TV off, he has done what I asked him to, life is good) and then start talking about the next activity, usually something he will enjoy (I fail to see the point of activities he won't!) and let him know about expected behaviour in that situation, if appropriate. If DS cannot move on with me after an appropriate amount of time, he will not get to do the next activity and we will go inside and calm down - he will not be allowed to do the activity he has tantrummed about, however.