Oh I'm really feeling for you, it sounds as if you feel both 'stuck' and overwhelmed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. You may need to make some tough decisions in order to wrangle your life back under control. That might mean considering home-based child care or a shared babysitting arrangement just to give yourself a break, or finding a counsellor so that you can debrief and start to heal the traumatic experiences you have had. That might be someone with more of a spiritual bent than a regular psychologist, kwim, or even talking with your doula? You may need to discuss antidepressants with your dr or even just to hook into some sort of support service that might be available in your area.
Re the stroller, have you tried to introduce it by just keeping it in the room so your DD can see it, touch it, etc and get used to it for a little while, then try her in it for very short periods when she is well rested and well fed and engaged with a toy that she likes...lots of tiny short exposures might help her get used to the stroller, kwim? We had problems with a new bath that we bought for our DD and did this, just let her have it near and see it and eventually play with it, before sitting her in there for short periods in the lounge room where we spent most of our time, with lots of happy noises and encouraging facial expressions. It worked and she was quite happy to go in the bath after about 10 days. Might be worth a try...?
My Doula is fantastic and I had a loooong chat with her on Friday. I am feeling a lot better, just venting has helped me a lot. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel even if it is just a pin***** at the moment. I have started to journal my experiences and I have some people who have rallied to support my husband and I (he's as bad as I am at the moment).
As for the stroller, DD seems a lot less clingy as my mood is getting better, so I may be able to use that, if not my doula suggested a specific type of sling that would be more suitable for my needs.
Thanks again everyone for your support it has helped me a lot.
Glad you are feeling a little better. It sounds as if a continuing conversation with your Doula, whenever you feel the need arise, could be exactly the right thing for you.
I too journal, it's my single most important mental health tool. Pictures can be just as important as words too, so make sure you've got some nice vivid oil pastels or watercolour pencils on hand if you ever feel the need.
And of course BB is always here whenever you need some support.
good to see you on here!! It sounds like things have been really difficult for you. Completely understandable. You've said how you' re not coping. It seems like you really need to vent. That's what we're here for. You could also dump your thoughts into a diary. If you're scared of talking to counsellors maybe that would help?? If you're having flashbacks then you should definitely think of seeing someone. Maybe see your GP. It's probably worthwhile doing that for your fibromyalgia if not anything else.
Re housework etc maybe think about pacing yourself - do little bits at a time. That should also help you keep a bit active which should help with managing your sympoms. Also, you're a Psychologist so you alreadyy have some really good skills. Use them!! Challenge your thinking and use deep breathing etc.
As I've said you clearly think you should talk to someone but your options are limited. You could call Tresillian 24 hours a day. Their number is 1800 637 357 (it's a freecall number).
Being a mum is so rewarding but it's hard work and it's tough. Things do get easier. In my own experience DS became more and more content the more independent he became. I too found it tough to strap DS into a stroller when he was screaming. Can't do it. Necessity is the mother of invention and distraction has worked a treat. I use puppets and all sorts of things to help change the mood if everything has been checked (food, nappies etc) and DS is still upset. Maybe try something like that?
Sorry I can't be of more help. I really wish you well. We're here for support. Good luck with everything.
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Glad you are feeling a little better. It sounds as if a continuing conversation with your Doula, whenever you feel the need arise, could be exactly the right thing for you.
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