I don't really know where to begin. I feel completely dysfunctional. There is so much work to be done around my house, housework, renovations, landscaping, redecorating. I hate the environment I live in and can't even come close to getting on top of anything. I can only do one thing at a time or my head explodes, and there's always 20 more things to do.
I spend all day trying to achieve little bits here and there, meanwhile my 3yo is dying of boredom. While I try to do housework, he disappears and messes up the rest of the house and I'm getting so fed up.
But he's not really being naughty. He does things like try to brush his own teeth (with daddy's toothbrush), or poo in the toilet (but he can't wipe his bum so he ends up smearing poo I don't find for hours or days). Or he's just playing, but his toys end up everywhere.
I just feel like I go backwards. I get angry. I hate myself but at the end of the day I find myself talking really meanly to my children. Telling them to shut up and leave me alone, telling them I don't care about whatever they want from me. I say these horrible things in such an awful tone and I can see how sad it makes ds, he just wants me to be happy and I think he feels he can't do anything right.
But he's driving me insane. I'm the worst mum. I'm so boring for him, I can go for days and we don't even leave the house because I'm trying to do housework, or feeding the baby, or trying to get the baby to sleep while ds makes too much noise, or trying to cook dinner.
I've only got 2 children, but I'm utterly failing. Why can't I function? Why is my house such a disaster? Why am I so mean to my children, who I love more than life itself?
Arrrrggghhhh. How come other people have nice, clean homes and are happy and nice to their kids? I just want to be like that. I hate this monster.
Not functioning.
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