OMG - I know exactly how you feel but I only have one DS (19 months). He is the most delightful boy - he is just gorgeous as long as he has my attention. Cleaning...with him in the room....no no no. If I vacuum or clean the bathroom (right next to his bedroom) while he is asleep he wakes or when he is awake he gets upset.

I am so frustrated by my inability to parent one child that I don't think I can even consider enother. Since I am just about to turn 40 & have massive fertility issues (7 years & 3 angels before DS) it is a very difficult fact to deal with.

today I was cleaning up lunch dishes, DS was in bed & I had a very large knife...it almost went to my throat...what stopped me...DS waking with noone to hear him & the fact that it might not actually work.

Parenting is hard, it is very hard & it is something that people don't talk about. I have a beautiful, wonderful, miracle boy - my god he is the sweetest loveliest thing but it is still hard.

Please don't beat yourself up like I do - I don't want to & I don't want you to.

We are all doing the best we can. The most important thing - our children feel loved & if that takes you taking some time out for a coffee or walk in the park then you should be able to do it without feeling bad. Happy Mommy Happy Children....I try to hold onto that as hard as it can be.

Lots of love & hug to you & your amazing two.