OMG! My DS give me a mouthful!

[butterfly*kisses]

Hi Everyone,

I just need to vent......so here goes.

My DS (nearly 10) just had an altercation with DD (6), and I went out to prevent further escalation. For my efforts, DS turned on me - shouting and ranting in a most inappropriate tone. It was like time just froze, and a saw him as a teenager - aggressively attacking me.

So, I sent him straight to time out and gave myself time to think.

I made him a peanut butter sandwich, called him out of time out, he apologised, I presented him with his 'dinner' and sent him straight to bed. Before going to bed, I explained to DS that I was very hurt by the way he spoke to me, and that it was entirely inappropriate for a child to speak to any adult like that.

I am hoping that I have dealt with DS appropriately, as I was, and am still horrified that he thought it was ok to speak to his Mum like that!

[mrsmac]

Sounds like you did the right thing,sending him to bed now may have been a bit harsh but at least he seems apologetic so i would leave it now and not refer to it. Sadly this is probably a glimpse of the future (I say this as the mum of a 16 year old LOL)

[LimeSlice]

Not happy Jan!!
I think you did the right thing...when I was a kid we wouldn't have been given the sandwich Straight to bed!! lol I think he did rather well...
Well done and hopefully he doesn't have a repeat performance for many years to come

[butterfly*kisses]

Thanks LimeSlice! I know the same of my own childhood - I would have been given the strap and sent to bed without dinner. I work with teenagers daily, and have excellent relationships with my charges, so I am keen to have the same good relationship with my kids as they grow up - but speaking disrespectfully to an adult (or parent) is a complete no-no in my books.

MrsMac - thank you for your reply, and shared experience. DS most certainly knows all the right things to say, but infrequently demonstrates remorse. The only way that he actually learns is when his fingers are burnt as a result of his own actions.

[aussienic]

I am going to remember this thread for when my son talks to me in an inapproriate tone.. I hope I remain as calm as you

Well done for how you dealt with it

[DoubleK]

good on you. my mum has been through similar with my younger brother (now 15) and she has always said she doesnt know the best way to deal with it... but he no longer yells and screams.. so whatever she did.. worked well for both of them.

trust your instincts!

[butterfly*kisses]

Thanks aussienic and Krystal! I appreciate your support!

[krysalyss]

My personal views are that children and adults have the same equal standing and deserve equal respect, therefore I wouldn't say that "you should never speak to your parent or an adult like that". I think what your son did is inappropriate regardless of whether either or both parties was a child or adult. I would think the same if you were the one saying those things. It may seem a small point but showing that you are equal paves the way for conversations and understanding rather than you deciding on the rules and them just following. After all, as he grows into an adult he will have to make these decisions for himself and knowing the 'why' behind the 'what' will help him in this.
I hope this helps (and makes some kind of sense

[Bathsheba]

We went through the same thing when our DD was nearly 10yo.... infact it was a shocking time. I put it down the fact that I was pregnant with my second and that she felt threatened... it got worse (lots of shouting and loud droning NOOOO NOOO NOOO dramatics when ever we asked her to do (like hand over her laptop) something that she didn't want to do for about a year). She has an incredibly loud voice (every teacher she has ever had has pointed this out to us, just incase we didn't notice) and we felt that the entire neighbourhood could hear her. I mean, she would sit in her room and moan/drone at the top of her lungs for sometimes up to half an hour. What fun that was.
Unfortunately my DH would crack it... I preferred to ignore her and wait until she had calmed down to even begin to reason with her but DH wanted it sorted immediately. It's very hard when you disagree with your partner on how to discipline your child... we disagree more about that than money!

Anyhow, I've no real advice... things are only just starting to settle down now. About an hour ago my DD got into trouble because my DH checked her internet usage and discovered that she was on her laptop from 1am - 3am this morning. She had to hand over her laptop but for the first time she conceded without theatrics. She's lost it for a week now.

Sorry for hijacking. But it's such a demoralising time and I sympathise!

[butterfly*kisses]

Hi Bathsheba,

Thank you so much for your reply. It's not nice to hear of people having problems .... but there is much solace in hearing from others who are experiencing the same problems.

Sometimes my DH and I have the same problems with different views on child behaviour management too. He can be fast to respond, and often responds loudly - which is not my preferred mode of conflict resolution.

I am very pleased to hear that your most recent dealing with your DD was free of theatrics! My DS often rants and raves when he is in trouble. If he has been sent to time out, he will talk to himself about how unjust life is......sometimes it's annoying, but sometimes it gives me a giggle - as he has no idea of just how much more 'unjust' life could be! lol!

Thanks again for your ear and advice!