The only answer I have for you is to do nothing. By that I mean, don't worry about the house work, cooking gormet food, trying to be super mum. When both want to be picked up, sit on the floor instead. When DS can't share, noone gets to play with the toys, so I will ask DS1 which toy DS2 can play with and reluctently one will be shared. I have found counting to 3 very helpful, these days I only have to count to 1 before I get the response I want. As DS1 knows her will end up in his room. hope this helps you.