First of all big hugs.
I think first of all it would be helpful to look at the reality of the situation at this point. From the other posts you have started is seems clear that you have some pretty big tough stuff (feeding issues and very unsettled baby) that hasn't been sorted out yet and the end result is you have a 'hard' baby. Some babies are unfortunately harder than others. I know, I had an 'easy' first baby and a 'hard' second baby. I'll bet your mums group friends have easy for easier babies. They are not superior to you, they just had better luck in the baby lottery (or care more about seeming like they did, which BTW is not a good trait to have!). Some people like you and I luck out on the lottery and get babies that just find things harder and it is harder to feel OK about it.
I'd already had an easy baby before so when I had my refluxy bad feeder who screamed all day I knew it wan't normal or OK and I did something about it. You don't have the experience of what is normal or OK - and no one expects you to as a first time mum - so working out when your baby has crossed the line between 'OK feeding and feeding not working' or 'a baby a bit unsettled and baby overly hungry or in pain' is so so so much harder. But that's OK, that is what Drs and midwives and lactation consultants and community nurses are for, to spot the problems and set you on a path of working it out.
I can tell you at any rate it's gets better. If you get to the bottom of the tough issues it will get better sooner, but if you are unable to as many families aren't, it still gets better. Reflux get better with age, they outgrow colic, ear infections get better as the ear canal gets more mature, lots of things sort themselves out and things get better. My mum had a hard baby who was her third so she had plenty of experience and they never got to the bottom of his deal, but it still got better. I just say my little brother was a little **** but that might just be a big sisters perspective LOL!
When you are in the middle of a bad patch with a baby - whether that patch is 2 days or 2 months - it always feels like it is going to be like this forever. It really does feel like that. But I am hear to say it won't always be like this. Your baby will change, and you will learn different and better strategies to deal with it, and things get better.
So step 1 - get some help, some help with you and some help with the feeding and crying issues. See a Dr a LC or a community nurse or see 20 of them, keep saying that things are not right until you find some who gets what you are saying and has practical help for you. Unfortunately people who deal with mothers and babies all the time tend to try and brush women off as an over anxious new mum. So unfortunately at the time when you need the help the most and you need some one to charge in and take control of finding the right counsellor or feeding specialist or settling guru etc. you actually have to ask for help repeatedly
With the specific issues you are facing, do you think the feeding and milk escaping issue could be related to the constant crying? Obviously I have a small amount of information about what is going on with you and your baby, but when I hear of THAT much milk escaping and lots of crying, on paper it leads me to wonder if he is not getting enough milk and getting hungry. I mean it sounds like he is getting enough to swim in - literally - so I would guess your supply is OK, but more how much he is actually getting into his tummy.
Anyway I can't work out the source of the troubles over the internet (nor am I qualified to), but I think these are the types of questions you need to be hitting a LC or nurse with.
Good luck hun. It will get better but regardless of how things are going your online community is here to listen and help and just offer hugs.....x
Are you in touch with your local ABA group? If you can, screaming baby or no, get along. you'll find some understanding mums willing to bring you a cuppa and cake.
Day to day, how much help do you have? You sound pretty isolated, which only makes it all worse. We're not really designed to do this alone.
Do you think you could have a chat about how you're feeling with your nurse or doctor, or a family member or friend? The adjustment period is normal, and in our modern world trying to do it all it's (unfortunately) quite normal to struggle, but there's definitely a point beyond which you really need help.
Thanks ladies. Ive made an appointment with the gp for wednesday.
day to day help = none. Dh leaves for work around 7am & gets home between 6.30 & 7pm. All of my family & friends work full time.
im connected with a mums group but its hard to go - im reliant on public transport & thats a nightmare with a baby who wont settle for me. That would also be the case if I joined an aba group - the closest one I would have to catch two buses to get there.
Oh bugger. Is there a local playgroup or anything else? Maybe your CHN might know of other options in the area? Could you ask the mums to come to you to meet?
Is paid help feasible? Cleaner/nanny/au pair/something.... What about weekends, can you call in reinforcements then, at least?
Re: when does it get better?
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