Great topic Rory... sorry its taken so long for me to find it! Tad chaotic round here ATM so in a nutshell: Hell yeah!!! Huge issues here So true about when you parent differently to your own mother they can often see it as a personal attack. All I can seem to do is chip around the edges of change. Little by little i will whittle away and make the changes that need to be made... you have to be so patient with yourself. Even after 13 years the process isn't getting any easier!
At the moment, I think I'm mothering DD in a very similar way - but she's only 10 months old!
I think she mothered me in a very gentle way - lots of cuddles, lots of play. I can't ever remember her not having time for me.
I think she was a FANTASTIC mother for me as a small child - probably up until about the age of six or so. Then I don't think she encouraged me as much as she could have to try new things or really instilled much confidence in me. So I intend to change that.
It was spooky when mum visited me earlier this year (from the UK) because I'd been thinking what a great mum she had been when I was little but not so great when I was a little older and out of the blue, she said, "yep, I like kids until they're about five."
Like krysalyss, I appreciate the job my mum did so much more now that I am a mum (and she did it all by herself as a single working mum).
Last year on my birthday my mum wrote in my card how proud she was with how I had turned out as a daughter, partner and parent - I don't think anything could ever top that sort of praise.
I have to say that I have no idea if I am the same type of mother as mine was to me...
This is partly because I have NO memory of my childhood at all I cant even remember things that happened 10yrs ago and always having either BHL or my sibs say " How could you not remember that!!!" ( I cant even remember DS birth so I must have a few wires loses somewhere lol )
But the bigest thing I do remember is mum not been around alot ( due to illness ) and Dad having to work really hard to get food on the table so out late, and just having my sibs around to look out for us, I know I aways felt lonely and like I didnt fit in so I am determened(sp?) not to let this happen with my children... I do find I lose my temper a bit and have been know to scream at the kids but sence been on BB I am learning to control this part of my personalty as it was always there but I used to keep it hidden from everyone and just let it out when I was by myself ( self harm when a teen )...
One thing I do that my parents alway did is always tell my kid that I love them, so for this I thank my parents they still call all their 7 children once a week just to make sure we are all still ok and tell us that they love us so if I can give that to my kids I will be very happy...
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So true about when you parent differently to your own mother they can often see it as a personal attack. All I can seem to do is chip around the edges of change. Little by little i will whittle away and make the changes that need to be made... you have to be so patient with yourself. Even after 13 years the process isn't getting any easier!
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