Admittedly I'm not a parent and it's been a long time since anyone asked me to clean my room (although I do occasionally suggest to DH he might think about cleaning his...) but I'm just wondering why it's so important a child's room is clean? Apart from any obvious health and safety concerns, does it really matter? Can't you just shut the door so you don't have to look at it? It just seems like if it's causing so much stress it might be easier to say "let me know if you decide you want some help to clean it one day" and apart from that, leave them to it? Some people are naturally messy and it sounds like it's driving you both crazy to worry about it too much. Just a thought and perhaps there is a reason why it matters that I'm not considering?