Being over-protective.....

[MummaSue]

Thank you everyone

[Gigi]

i think nature puts mothers on "high alert" with a young baby, as a survival mechanism. small babies are at greater risk than other members of the population. in nature, many young get eaten. so i think, alot of what is seen as "overprotectiveness", actually keeps very young babies safe.

the reality is, those uncovered storm drain holes in the side of the road, they ARE big enough for a baby to fall into, so i gave those a wide berth, made sure i didn't park near any. Stuff i NEVER thought about pre-baby. Stuff that sounds silly to most people. But if my baby HAD fallen down a drain hole, i would have never been able to forgive myself. Due to labour complications, i was less physically able than usual, for the first year of bilby's life, so every time i lifted her in and out of the car, i was in alot of pain, and constantly worried "what if i drop her?" - because it was a possibility. I had taken five years to be able to conceive, she was finally here, and survived a difficult entry, i didn't want to lose her.

it is a survival mechanism to be aware of dangers, to not be foolhardy.

despite my anxieties, young children have a gungho approach, they are innocent and think well of people. i've found it the opposite, i've had to temper my four year old's desire to run naked into the street, run on the road, talk to anyone (we don't live in the kind of neighbrouhood where that is safe, even for adults to do) - so despite her growing up with me and my anxieties, i don't think she is harmed from my carefulness.

i want and encourage her to wash her hands after the toilet - nowadays, her instinct is to run off and play (even before putting clothes back on). She is not a handwashing robot, too interested in playing for that.

As she got bigger and my health got better, my anxiety about the uncovered storm drains abated.
But i have educated her what those holes in the road are, and to walk AROUND them.
I would rather have her aware, than ignorant.
There will be so many things i WON"T be able to protect her from.

everyone does things differently, we all love our kids and are trying to do the best we can, by them.

[Fig]

Gigi - sorry I think I may have offended you. I wasn't trying to say protective mothering is a bad thing, just that sometimes the anxiety level surronding those protective behaviours can be overwhelming.

I can only give an example of my situation. My 3.5 year old still comes into our bed half way through the night. Prior to looking into my issues I would lie awake at night while she was in her bed worrying about 'what if someone broke into the house', 'what if there was a fire', what if..... I wouldn't be able to sleep until she came into our bed. Some would say yes these are things that could potentially happen, but even after I had taken all possible precautions I would still lie there really worrying about the what ifs. So for me your examples of the holes in the road, I would worry even after I had taken steps to prevent it. I hope that makes sense.

[Gigi]

Fig, it's all good, i wasn't offended at all. Each of us has our own journey i/e really hard to generalise in a thread, cos each of our situations is so unique to us.

[UsPlus2]

I was EXACTLY the same with DS. It took me 4.5 months to even leave DS alone at home with DP while I went 2 min up the road for a haircut. Even then I didnt let them shampoo because I thought it would take too long. Dont get me started on the mini heart attacks I had everytime someone (including my parents who I am close with) held him.

For me it was babysteps, it was finding the boundary between my style parenting and something that was healthy for DS. It was healthy for him to be held by his grandparents, to spend time with his dad without mummy overlooking.
I started by increasing the time I left DS home with DP (having said that, Ive still only worked up to 2-4hrs at most and I spend that whole time checking my phone),I started letting my parents have time playing with DS while I was home, then after a while increased that to them watching him while DP and I went out to get some quick shopping,increased again to them watching while DP and I went out to movie. The first time we did that DS was 10months, and I cried the whole way there. I dont get as upset anymore but I still check my phone the whole time

HTH - good luck finding your path forward.