those melt downs are so hard to handle. I think Mad B has hit the nail on the head in a lot of ways.

What I find works best with my DS is to help him identify the emotion and help him work through it and process it. If possible I try to hold/cuddle him and then reaffirm the emotion. You're very frustrated because the toy wouldn't xyz or you're angry because mummy.... I can understand why that would make you so frustrated/angry. It's ok to get frustrated/angry. Mummy and Daddy get frustrated too. etc etc. Quite often after a bit of back patting and this sort of talk he will then start talking about what happened. I'm hoping that this process is helping him to learn to express his emotions through words rather than meltdowns - at least that's the theory.

Of course there are times where he won't let me hold/cuddle him. When that happens I try to give him some space, but keep the offer of a cuddle there. Eventually he wants the cuddle and that is when we start the conversation.

HTH