Thanks Fleur I guess I'm already taking the approach you suggested and I really don't expect DSS to get the situation at all until we actually get there and it is all happening - he's so little and how can he understand something involving a stepmother he barely remembers (if at all!) and a baby sister that he has never met!?

The situation with his mum is really not good and we're actually expecting that a long and nasty custody battle will be on the horizon sometime in the future once things have calmed down a bit and once DSS is happy and comfortable with us, but I've never spoken badly of her in front of him and I never will. I've never been in the situation where I've had that happen to me as my parents are still together, but I can't imagine it would be nice or it would endear me to anyone involved. In the past if I've felt a rant about her coming on I've quietly left the room for a moment and taken out my anger/frustration on something else (like my pillow!) or I have waited until DSS has gone home and then DH and I have both had a good rant to each other (as we generally have the same concerns).

I'm glad I seem to be on the right page - the last thing I want to do is make him afraid, unhappy or uncomfortable and I'm glad that this is how others would handle it too! I forgot to mention I'm planning some activities that will allow DSS the opportunity to join in so he can re-get to know me... I bought him a Make Your Own Superhero Cape that I thought the three of us could do, I could bake some cupcakes he might like to help me with and stuff like that.