Im going to throw this out there..

Did he want DD3 to be a DS? My exh has hardly any connection with our last DD as he wanted a little boy therefor had gender disappointment.
Fortunately this is definitely not it. He's very happy with his tribe of women and I believe him when he says he has no disappointment in not having a boy. His 3rd sister just found out she is having her second boy, making 8 boys from his sisters and no girls, and he actually thinks its pretty cool we have the family's only girls.

I talked to him about this yesterday and he says he feels completely useless with A - she's content and laid back mostly, and he can't feed her so he's a bit at a loss, especially when the best fix for her when she's unsettled is a feed. I expressed for the first time Monday so he gave her her first ever bottle last night while I was doing dinner. Was really nice to see her snuggled in and feeding to sleep with him. I'll toss Miss A in with him in the shower more as a start and see how we go.

Thanks so much for all the responses. Nice to know other daddies have had a slow start too