I am a mum of one 14 mth old girl and my mother also happens to live with us. Im getting to the stage where i want to tell my mum to move out as she is annoying me with the way she talks to my DD.
She is forever saying 'oh you are so naughty', 'naughty girl' for things that babies just do - throwing food on the floor from high chair, spitting food out that she doesnt like or when she is full, trying to grab at things that are out for her to reach etc.
Am i being oversensitive? I would rather more positive comments that teach my DD rather than scold her and especially at the age she is at and her development.
Please help, i have had a really good relationship with my mum until now. She's always been grouchy and negative but till now i could ignore it.
I don't think you are being oversensitive. I would discuss some ground rules with her and see how that goes. It is your child after all and being labelled 'naughty' like that isn't a good thing.
No I don't think you are being oversensitive and I don't like anyone calling my DS 'naughty' and I agree I prefer to be positive about his behaviour. I found when they were spitting food or throwing it it meant he had enough, it does stop and they go through these phases like you said.
As for how to approach it with your mum that is tough. I would start by writing it down so you are clear in your head the sorts of things she can say so you have given her an alternative to the negative, explain that you don't want you LO spoken to like that?! goodluck
I have mentioned it to her by saying calmly that 'no dd is not naughty, she is learning and exploring' But she laughed at me - somehow i stayed calm!
If dd is screaming and chucking a tanty then ok i say, 'no thats naughty, mustnt do this' - like if she hits her 2 yr old cousin. But my mum says it constantly for normal 'baby' things.
I am definately getting to the point where i will have to have it out with her. Anyone else had to do this or similar before?
Although, my mother doesn't live with us - and lives half way round the world in Scotland.
Anyway, when they were here, our little miss was 4 weeks old and when she cried, mum would say that she was being a "bad" girl. When she was settled, she was a "good" girl. I soon put a stop to that telling her the obvious - she's a BABY! Her cognitive abilities are not yet developed, her brain is nowehere near mature enough to know what she's doing - and "well, mum, JUST SHUT UP!!"
The Science of Parenting is an amazing book and one in which I throw quotes at my mum all the time to shut her up - we still chat most days on skype and still she has stuff to say on my parenting technique. *Sigh*
It really bugs me when people say kids are being naughty. It's not the kid that is naughty, it's the behaviour and kids behave in negative ways for a reason - it's about finding out what that reason is. Trying to tell this to my mother, she sneers at me!!!!
I feel your pain hun, but you have to be firm with her. It will be better for you in the long run.
Sue xx
I think you need to set some ground rules with her because it's pretty clear that you both have very different ideas and attitudes to parenting and once your DD gets older, she is going to be able to pick up on that and realise that you do things differently. If your mother lives with you in your house then she needs to keep her mouth firmly closed and leave the parenting up to you - even little comments will be enough to undermine your parenting and send mixed messages to your DD. I would talk to her about it and let her know in no uncertain terms that you would greatly appreciate it if she stopped using those comments.
Disagreeing with grandma's child caring...
Reply With Quote
that is tough. I would start by writing it down so you are clear in your head the sorts of things she can say so you have given her an alternative to the negative, explain that you don't want you LO spoken to like that?! goodluck
Anyone else had to do this or similar before?
Bookmarks