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Thread: Disagreeing with grandma's child caring...

  1. #1

    Default Disagreeing with grandma's child caring...

    Hi

    I am a mum of one 14 mth old girl and my mother also happens to live with us. Im getting to the stage where i want to tell my mum to move out as she is annoying me with the way she talks to my DD.

    She is forever saying 'oh you are so naughty', 'naughty girl' for things that babies just do - throwing food on the floor from high chair, spitting food out that she doesnt like or when she is full, trying to grab at things that are out for her to reach etc.



    Am i being oversensitive? I would rather more positive comments that teach my DD rather than scold her and especially at the age she is at and her development.

    Please help, i have had a really good relationship with my mum until now. She's always been grouchy and negative but till now i could ignore it.

  2. #2

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    I don't think you are being oversensitive. I would discuss some ground rules with her and see how that goes. It is your child after all and being labelled 'naughty' like that isn't a good thing.

  3. #3

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    No I don't think you are being oversensitive and I don't like anyone calling my DS 'naughty' and I agree I prefer to be positive about his behaviour. I found when they were spitting food or throwing it it meant he had enough, it does stop and they go through these phases like you said.

    As for how to approach it with your mum that is tough. I would start by writing it down so you are clear in your head the sorts of things she can say so you have given her an alternative to the negative, explain that you don't want you LO spoken to like that?! goodluck

  4. #4

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    I have mentioned it to her by saying calmly that 'no dd is not naughty, she is learning and exploring' But she laughed at me - somehow i stayed calm!

    If dd is screaming and chucking a tanty then ok i say, 'no thats naughty, mustnt do this' - like if she hits her 2 yr old cousin. But my mum says it constantly for normal 'baby' things.

    I am definately getting to the point where i will have to have it out with her. Anyone else had to do this or similar before?

  5. #5

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    Wow, I could have written this post myself.

    Although, my mother doesn't live with us - and lives half way round the world in Scotland.

    Anyway, when they were here, our little miss was 4 weeks old and when she cried, mum would say that she was being a "bad" girl. When she was settled, she was a "good" girl. I soon put a stop to that telling her the obvious - she's a BABY! Her cognitive abilities are not yet developed, her brain is nowehere near mature enough to know what she's doing - and "well, mum, JUST SHUT UP!!"
    The Science of Parenting is an amazing book and one in which I throw quotes at my mum all the time to shut her up - we still chat most days on skype and still she has stuff to say on my parenting technique. *Sigh*

    It really bugs me when people say kids are being naughty. It's not the kid that is naughty, it's the behaviour and kids behave in negative ways for a reason - it's about finding out what that reason is. Trying to tell this to my mother, she sneers at me!!!!

    I feel your pain hun, but you have to be firm with her. It will be better for you in the long run.
    Sue xx

  6. #6

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    I think you need to set some ground rules with her because it's pretty clear that you both have very different ideas and attitudes to parenting and once your DD gets older, she is going to be able to pick up on that and realise that you do things differently. If your mother lives with you in your house then she needs to keep her mouth firmly closed and leave the parenting up to you - even little comments will be enough to undermine your parenting and send mixed messages to your DD. I would talk to her about it and let her know in no uncertain terms that you would greatly appreciate it if she stopped using those comments.

  7. #7

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    My mum is the same and occasionally still does it.. if ds is throwing a tanty she will say in a cranky voice "ARE YOU THROWING A TANTRUM"? i usually just say, of course he is, he is 2 its the only way he knows to get his frustrations out! Mum used to say the same thing when he was younger too "your a naughty little boy, aren't you" and it used to p*ss me off big time. I eventually had to yell at my mum and tell her not to say those things to him and not to belittle him, as she wouldn't listen to me when i gently tried to push my point accross.

    Set some ground rules: eg: she is not to call your dd naughty, you are to do the dicipline because you are the mother etc etc if she can't accept your way of parenting, tell her she will have to move out.

    Sorry, its proably not the best advice but that is what I would do if my mother lived with me.

  8. #8

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    If she is always going to be negitave your DD will soon pick up on that and want nothing to do with her. Children soon pick up on people whi are not positive.
    If this happens it will be your Mum who will miss out.

    Set some house rules that everyone has to follow.

  9. #9

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    Thanks ladies. Yep ground rules! I have told her many times and (you know how mums can be) She laughs it off! She has been somewhat better as i was sneaky and *****ed to my sister knowing she would in some way relay that back to my mum. I told sis that i would have to seriously think about whether mum could continue to live with us and that seems to be working a bit..

    Rivlas i suspected what you say because DD is attached to me and DH (whom she spends less time with than my mum who works part time and home a lot with us) and she doesn't like staying or playing with Grandma that much. I was thinking the same thing cos my mum is always scowling at her and i reckon she's only 15 mths old but a smart little cookie! Sometimes she actually growls when my mum goes near her and if she is crying to be picked up and my mum goes to her she turns away! I cant believe it but maybe that is exactly why!

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